1 Mar
Posted in: Regular Entries
By    6 Comments

Oscar (Mayer) Wieners

I woke up today all excited that I had something meaningful to write about the Oscars (which I watched in its entirety, starting with the pre-show red-carpet extravaganza at 3:00 p.m. because I’m a dork and a loser). I mean, how could I not talk about that moment in his acceptance speech when Johnny Depp thanked his “beautiful boyfriend” and, in essence, came out of the closet right there in front of 200 billion people?

What a surprise, what a treat! What a huge risk for the Sexiest Man Alive to take on this, the most special night of his career! (I also wondered if he was offended when someone called his Captain Jack Sparrow “slightly gay” instead of the more accurate and politically correct “slightly effeminate.”)

As I lay in bed this morning all warm and glowy with the thought that finally people are allowed to love without fear of rejection or public ridicule, I realized that, wait, Johnny Depp didn’t win an Oscar. And he didn’t thank his boyfriend. It was just a dream. A wonderful, horrible dream.

[For the record, everyone who voted for Lord of the Rings for anything that had anything to do with musical score or directing or editing for Christ's sake!, can kiss my big ol' J-Lo booty. You people suck. And to Scarlett: I wasn't so sure about the platinum blonde when I saw you at the Golden Globes, and you looked downright corpsish on the cover of Vanity Fair (top right), but last night you looked simply radiant. You glowed even more than 13-months-pregnant Marcia Gay Harden, and that's a lot of glowing. And don't despair JoJo; I'm still working out a plan to kidnap you.]

27 Feb
Posted in: Photos, Regular Entries
By    4 Comments


My arms ache, my face is flushed, my heart’s beating quicker than normal, I’m unable to complete an intelligent sentence…No, I’ve not just run a flight of stairs. I held a baby.


Now back to your regularly scheduled program.