Who Could Ask for Anything More
I remember exactly how it felt to see boy bits on the ultrasound screen for the second time in a row. It was a black hole in my gut. It was an echo in my brain that said, “Do-over, do-over, do-over.” My hand grasped the exam table, searching blindly for a remote control with a Rewind Life button that doesn’t exist. My throat tightened with guilt.
For three days I was really and truly disappointed with our draw. For three days I composed many virtual letters of complaint addressed “Dear Management…”. For three days I mourned puff sleeves and pigtails and prom dresses. Three days isn’t very long at all, and although I think they were necessary, and although I don’t regret them, per se, I feel a bit silly, a tad narrowminded, a lot dumb.
Ah, hindsight.
Coming up on a year later, I have a boy with golden hair and sea-blue eyes, a boy who sits but doesn’t roll, a boy who feeds from a bottle but doesn’t sleep through the night, a boy who loves bouncing and t.v. and his brother. I have a boy who smiles at strangers while he sucks on two fingers (or anything else within reach), a boy who wears sweater vests and train-striped overalls and size 0 socks that look like lace-up tennis shoes. I have a boy who is demanding and impatient and a study in contradictions. I have a boy whose cheeks get flame-rosy in cold weather and whose first girlfriend is the baby in the pink diaper at the end of his favorite book. I have a boy who has his mama’s eyes and his daddy’s eyebrows and his brother’s pterodactyl shriek. I have a boy whose head the cats rub their noses on while he’s nursing, a boy they let pull on their ears. I have a boy who is a boy and is not a boy and is my boy and no one else’s.
Oh, I wouldn’t have spent even a second wishing for something, for someone, different had I known it wasn’t just a Boy Baby in there but Fox himself. Oh, Boo, I couldn’t have asked for anything better than you.
Fox is so beautiful and his face is so expressive. I could look into those eyes all day long. Both your children are absolutely gorgeous.
P.S. Loved the video with Fox bouncing on the table.
Thank you!
I would have had the same disappointment had Elise come out a boy, but I know in the end I would have the same discovery as you. It’s ok to have those feelings, because in the end, you are going to fall in love with that baby and it’s not going to matter if they are a boy or a girl.
If I remember correctly, you didn’t find out the sex before Elise was born, right? If so, you’re a braver woman than I to be willing to face that potential disappointment in the delivery room (hormones! hormones!) rather than before. I *wish* I were the type of person who could have waited, but even now, I’m so glad I found out so I could get over myself before the big day!
going anonymous for this one…it maybe seems different, but my brain (and heart) immediately went here: as we try (and try) to get pregnant, it’s so hopeful to hear that who we DO end up with we will be so glad for, that we waited/lasted and got THIS one, not any other one. thanks leah.
Same. And same. Secret (and maybe not so secret sometimes, AHEM) wishing for a girl, instead got a second boy and oh my. Could not love that boy any more without my heart bursting into flames.
Fox is a charmer, without doubt.
What a studly little stud. Perfect, isn’t he.
I wanted a girl. I wanted G to have a little sister, I wanted to dress a girl in all the clothes we dressed G in. I wanted a girl so she could have my hair because G has her father’s (how silly is that?). I wanted a girl because every single person I met while pregnant told me I was having a boy. I wanted a girl because I didn’t want to have a girl first and then two and a half years later a boy just like my MIL had. I wanted a girl because then I wouldn’t have to worry about becoming a MIL just like my own MIL to some girl in 25 years.
We didn’t find out the sex, but the minute he was born I knew he was a boy. They pulled him out and I thought: It’s a boy. But I didn’t think it with any kind of regret. Not for a second after giving birth to him have I thought that I wanted a girl instead.
He’s a boy, he has my hair and he wears a good part of his sister’s baby clothes. He’s a little brother and one day he’ll make me a MIL to some girl and I know that she’s likely to batlle me like I have battled my own MIL, but still: I wouldn’t want it any other way could I change.
(Hopefully we’ll have a number three some day and I want a girl. Of course I want a girl. Why? Because of all the things already mentioned above. I have the perfect boy and I love him to pieces, but apparently my preference is for girls – until the boys arrive when I immidiately stop caring. How silly is that?)
He is seriously beautiful! That little face is just too much!
He IS a cutie! It’s funny, I have two boys as well (3.5 and 20 months) and I was the opposite – I felt guilty because I thought FOR SURE I was having a girl but I secretly wanted another boy. I gripped the ultrasound table when they said “boy” because I was hoping I heard correctly. I don’t know why but I was terrified of having a girl. Actually I do know why it’s called “my relationship with my mother”.
Ooh, this made me tear up a little. I remember feeling similarly about my first, whom we were sure was a girl (nope!)
It may be the lighting but his eyes look almost violet. You have a beautiful family! I wish you all a very happy new year!