Still Standing Here Stuck on the Steps
Thank you dearly, those of you who weighed in on the daycare/preschool/new baby situation a few weeks ago. I was sure I’d overthought every facet of this very special diamond of an issue, but then several people pointed out new angles to consider and actually clarified some of my feelings and fears in really, really helpful ways. It takes a village [to show Leah what is fairly obvious to everyone else].
However! In the words of Sondheim’s Cinderella, “I know what my decision is. Which is not to decide.” Which is why Wombat is still at daycare and probably will be until several months after the baby’s here. Even though evidence was largely pointing to sending him to preschool ASAP. Because I’m a walking waddling contradiction and an absolute joy and delight to be married to. (This, by the way, is how I deal with a lot of life choices; for example, instead of going to the doctor when I’m sick, I prefer to just wait it out, figuring I’ll either get better or die. Spoiler: I have gotten better every single time!)
The other kicker is that it’s become ever more apparent how helpful it will be to have Daycare Lady a part of our team for the next little while. Aside from her general day-to-day awesomeness (she’s making all the kids superhero p.j.s from fabric her mom is sending from Japan), she’s taking special care to make sure Wombat is getting the emotional support he needs during this Very Difficult Time. That seems kind of obvious now that she’s pointed it out, but I honestly hadn’t thought of it that way, figuring that (a) Wombat wouldn’t require extra attention until after the baby makes his grand entrance (er…exit?), and (b) the reason he’s being kind of an asshole right now is because he’s three and a half and not for any baby-related reason.
But what do I know? As she has been for us all along, Daycare Lady is our go-to parenting expert—having raised only one child of her own but dozens and dozens of children belonging to other people—and if she says he needs lots of extra attention, and she’s able to give it to him for the hours he spends with her every day, well, who am I to argue. You’d think I would have caught on that he was acting out a little when the child who has insisted on picking out his clothes and putting them on ALL BY MYSELF for the past six months is now desirous of ye olde handmaiden services each morning in his dressing chambers, but no, I didn’t see that as classic sibling-anxiety regression but as good old-fashioned button-pushing. Then Daycare Lady was all “They regress before the baby comes, not just after,” and I was all, “Oh! Yes! Of course! I totally knew that!” (I totally did not know that.) So hooray for hired help picking up the slack!
(Allow me to be a bit of an asshole myself for a second and say that it’s mighty convenient to be able to outsource giving my firstborn extra attention during my own Very Difficult Time, which is often characterized by my not being able to give a crap about things I really should give a crap about. If anyone needs an attitude adjustment, it’s me. I have the best kid and should let that better inform my actions, even when I’m really not in the mood to cater to his outrageous whims.)
Otherwise, things are really, really good. Simon used two hands to enumerate all the awesome things going on right now, which include that he loves his job, he loves his “project,” he’s kind of in a play this month (I know, right?), he’s taken up rock climbing (uuuuhhhh), and we’re having another baby boy, like, SOON. After the stress of the last few months (or years, if you count the hell that was his previous job), it was awfully nice to hear him say that, especially the last part, since the second-kid thing has been a major source of anxiety for Mr. Breadwinner. Knowing he’s more excited than anxious these days does wonders for my own anxiety, which isn’t really all that bad if you don’t count my up-in-the-air work situation and the revelation at yesterday’s 36-week OB appointment that although the baby is not yet fully engaged in the pelvis, my cervix is dilated 1 to 2 centimeters, which is more than it was the day before I gave birth to Wombat. I’m fully aware that this could go on for weeks and weeks (and I hope it does for at least two, please! I need tiiiiiiime), but I also know we’re in an any-day-now-no-really position here, and so, AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
Wait, so the reason MY kid is being such a challenge right now is because if the impending baby? I did not really think about that, and assumed it had to do with the fact that 3.5 year olds are just jerks. Highly opinionated jerks. That and my personal patience level with the insane requests was just running low! I think it’s great you have Daycare Lady to help you, as I feel no remorse in passing my kid off to his grandparents lately.
I know, right? As much as we moms hate assvice, it’s really nice to have someone on your side who can say, “Dude, THIS is what’s happening and why. It’s not your fault!” (Also, sometimes kids are just being difficult because they’re kids.)
Simon needs to add “invent human cloning” or something along those lines to his current projects, so y’all can have more Daycare Ladies to send to the rest of us.
(By the way, you get points for quoting Into the Woods.)
I’ll have him get right on that. It’s actually, in a way, sort of in his line of work. Maybe we can have him commission some scientists to get started on the research.
Yes, please. And then he needs to start a replication for the entire daycare program. We won’t be able to afford to having kids for a long time (unless Simon can ALSO make affordable baby-making procedures for two women — CAN he?) so he’s got time to get them franchised.
And I hope the cats are going to be calm about Mompth. Sometimes animals get extremely excited!
Need baby making’ services? Line up, ladies, I’m your man!
I didn’t chime in on the earlier post but wanted to chime in now to say 2 things:
1. This decision makes tons of sense and I’m a big fan of the don’t-change-anything-else-unless-absolutely-necessary approach to having a new baby in the family. It will mean A LOT to Wombat to have the same familiar daycare situation every day when things get shaken up at home.
2. I’m sure you’ve gathered this from Jonna’s story, but second labors are wuh-haaay different, and if you are already dilating a bit, this may well go fast. I say this only because almost exactly a year ago I delivered our second baby in the passenger seat of our Honda, on the side of the road a mile from our house. She was out before my husband had time to make it to my side of the car. The one lesson I’d learned from having baby #1 was “You think you’re in labor? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. So simmer down and wait it out at home.” That turns out to be a very unhelpful lesson for baby #2.
It’s strange to me, actually, that no one, not a doctor, midwife, or doula, mentioned to me that I should be prepared for something different than my first time (28 hours + pitocin) — and yet, in my smallish circle of local friends, I know of three other car/living-room deliveries for a second kid.
Oh, back to add that I don’t mean this to be a “you better watch out” kind of comment — as far as I’m concerned, the speed of second labors is a wonderful, wonderful thing. I mean, my initial and still primary response to having given birth in the car was “Woo-hoo! I can’t believe we’re done!” It’s just that, had I known, I might have tried to enjoy that feeling in my actual hospital room.
Still, give me the choice between car-baby and 28-hour+pitocin-baby, and i’d take car-baby every time.
I love this comment and want to give it a hug.
Thank you! The overwhelming response I got on Twitter when I said I was 1-2cm was “I was that way for a week/month; you have time!” which is comforting, for sure, but also does nothing to get me prepared for a baby that actually might come in a matter of DAYS. (Please, no!) My first labor was 26 hours and sloooooooow, but yeah, there’s no betting on that for #2. I’m actually glad I’m at 1-2 now because it’s motivation to do all the baby prep stuff I’ve been putting off: washing the clothes, packing the hospital bag, arranging for a pediatrician (Mompth will be on different insurance than Wombat for a bit), and uh, setting up somewhere for the little guy to sleep.
And I totally get what you’re saying about car-baby being better because it happened so fast. We had the BEST time in the hospital with Wombat, but the logistics of having another kid at home this time mean I really don’t want to be hanging out there any longer than I have to. Now I just need to add “get a tarp for the car” to my to-do list!
Perhaps it’s all the caffeine I’ve had this morning, but I have a nervous tummy (a good one) for you after reading about how soon this baby might get here. EEEEEE.
Sadie randomly started doing this whole “I want to pretend I’m a baby! Pretend you have to change my diaper! I’m only going to crawl!” thing the other evening, and I’m glad she eventually knocked it off (for now) because OH HELL NO, child. We are not far enough removed from diapers for that to be a fun game for ANYONE.
We’ve been able to avoid a lot of that “I’m a baby” stuff because Wombat is SO INTO his little doll Junior. He insists he’s Junior’s daddy (“That’s why I clean all the things!” HA), so whenever he starts heading down the feed me/carry me/dress me road, we remind him that Junior is the baby, not him, and that usually snaps him out of it right quick. I hope this translates directly to having an actual baby in the house…
The trouble with a car baby, of course, not that I’ve had one, is that you don’t get to just say “Oh well, we’ve got the baby now, never mind,” and head home again and go to bed. You still have to go to the hospital anyway, and now you have to clean the car as well.
My second came very quickly once things got going, but luckily things didn’t start to get going until I was at the birthing center. I found that the contractions got stronger if I was walking around and did stuff, but if I stayed still they stayed regular but manageable. So I stayed still until we were ready to go. (This may not work for everyone. Don’t quote me.)
I’m hoping the same will be true for me too. I contract pretty much all the time (and have from about 15 weeks with both pregnancies), and even if it’s just in my head, I like to think that gives me just a little bit of control over getting labor started. For the last six months I’ve been dutifully sitting on my duff for most of the day, but now that we’re getting near the end, I fantasize about being able to just walk and walk and walk this baby out as soon as I’m ready. Wishful thinking!
(My friend who accidentally had her baby at home IN HER PANTS ended up having a pretty long hospital stay to deal with blood loss and other complications that came from having had a basically 30-minute labor. I…do not want to do that.)
Yes, so true, Christine — though our (rather flaky) doula actually suggested something along those lines to my husband when he called to update her from the side of the road. I guess she pictured us strapping a naked newborn+placenta into the car seat and doing a U-turn: all done! He was like, no, um, we’ll wait for the ambulance.
Clean-up, on the other hand, was no biggie — I was sitting on a bath towel, and that took care of everything.
(Do I sound like a crazy car-birthing advocate? I’m not, I swear. But today’s my daughter’s first birthday and I can still *taste* the relief that flooded me when I realized I wouldn’t have to drive over any more potholes while contracting. If my urban area had better road upkeep, that baby might well have stayed inside till the hospital.)
The potholes! I still remember that as one of the worst parts of the labor. I remember thinking “Can’t you drive…smoother or something?” Ha.
Aaaaand now I’m convinced that somewhere out there is a cell of crazy car-birth advocates out there. Not going to Google!
Your family is SO CUTE and I love hearing that you are all really, really good. Minus Wombat’s anxiety, of course. Congrats to all (soon to be!) four of you.
Having never given birth I don’t feel qualified to comment on much else… Sorry! No advice! I just loved the happy ending to the post… punctuated with a bit of panic. Seems pretty real to me!