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February 24, 2012

Boy Band

Do you guys know how hard it is to find a baby boy doll in a brick-and-mortar store? Target had zero (ZERO!) and the Toys R Us next door only had about four on the entire double-sided aisle, a mere two of which could be unanimously classified as non-hideous. And no, it did not feel at all creepy to be systematically checking the genitalia of the merchandise, just to be sure; why do you ask?

So, question: Is the idea that little girls mostly want little girl babies a significant footnote to my recent meltdown over the surprise that *I* also mostly wanted a little girl baby too, even though I didn't actually know it until I felt myself trying to turn invisible so I could sneak out of the ultrasound room and run away to the desert the moment I recognized what I was looking at between Mompth's legs? And they say finding out the sex of the baby at 20 weeks isn't a surprise. Surprise! Turns out I would have been okay with a boy and a girl or a girl and a girl, but I never, not ever, wanted to be the mother of two boys. (Does anyone? No, seriously, tell me.) So of course. OF COURSE.

As Simon and I were talking about it last night, I realized how much our ("our" = generally and collectively) children's relationships are a chance to either recreate or redeem our relationships with our own siblings. Because mothers are girls (generally and collectively), I suspect it's harder for us to personally connect to the brother-brother relationship, especially if we didn't have any examples in our own families. (In my giant extended family, we have a grand total of two boy-boy-only families, one of which only dates back to Thanksgiving (and was by adoption) and the other of which is due to commence two weeks before our second boy is born. And if I know anything about Mormons, and I think I do, neither of these families will stop at two kids the way we have to, for a variety of reasons.)

(Please help me remember this: TWO KIDS. NO MORE.)

So we are to be the flag-bearers in this tiny army of four, I guess. And I get to wear the dress.

Simon is pretty much happy with whatever he gets (in this as in all things), so he hasn't really said much beyond emitting the usual whimpering sounds while passing through the barbed thicket that is the girls' clothing section in a department store. Last night I confessed that I needed him to be excited about this baby being a boy because, aside from Wombat, who doesn't understand the full implications of the situation, I don't think anyone else really is. I absolutely appreciate the congratulations and absolutely understand the practical reactions ("A boy! How...economical!"), but in a society that values the one-of-each formula, I also (irrationally! I know!) feel like we've let people down. (My poor mother will never, ever have a granddaughter. That's kind of tragic.) I can't imagine anyone will say that out loud, but it's there. So. Bleh. I have issues, okay? (The worst part of all is the guilt. Oh, the guilt!)

That said, Wombat is thrilled, and Simon is now freely regaling me with tales about all the times he's been jealous of brother relationships. He's also not-so-secretly tickled that these boys will be able to start a much cooler rock-and-roll band than boy-girl siblings, but that of course will depend on if they both turn out to be musical in a rock-and-rolly sort of way, when one or both could easily go Rogers and Hammerstein or harpsichord and a powdered wig or maybe have no rhythm at all. You just never know.

And of course there's consolation in that. You never know, not with any child of any flavor. I'm glad that my girl-based issues have mostly to do with stupid, shallow things like clothes and names--both of which can become irrelevant once a daughter starts to dress herself at age 3 and request that everyone call her Medusa at age 12--and so my goal now is to find some way to enjoy and relish the rest of this pregnancy (now that I have ZERO clothes to buy or make and only the crushing frustration of trying to discover another perfect boy name) and not spend the next five months wishing the experience to a speedy conclusion so I can at last discover the individual personhood of this boy creature who, as much as I hate to admit it, so far feels like just a been there, done that repeat. (I know he is already his own person, and I hope I can feel that way about it sooner rather than later because this sucks.)

In the meantime, I'm reminding myself that I wanted a second baby only partly for myself but mostly for Wombat. Although I think he would be an excellent brother to a sister, he's clearly excited to have a boy join the family, and I'm honestly jazzed to see what kind of pals they become--confidants, competitors, conspirators, or some combination of the three plus a dozen other iterations of brotherhood I haven't even considered because I have a giant gaping void in experience when it comes to this stuff. In time I imagine I'll be an authority. In time...We have lots of it.

42 Comments

For what it's worth, my congrats are totally genuine because whenever I think of not having another, the only pangs come from the thought of NOT having another boy, not having brothers, not getting to be a boy mom to another boy. I really love being a boy mom, and I am so thankful to get to be a boy mom forever, but if money and patience and space and jobs and all our other issues WEREN'T issues, I'd have more babies, and I think I'd want them all to be boys. That's the honest truth, so there are definitely people out here who think your two-boy family sounds pretty wonderful.

So, really, congrats. A boy! A BOY! Screw economical. I think it mostly just sounds like a shit ton of fun.

Aw...it'll come. You'll fit right into the role of Queen Bee. You'll be revered and treasured beyond your wildest dreams. I promise. There is a special and unique love amongst brothers for their moms.

Not that I would know...I live in a houseful of hormonal women. Three daughters and no sons. The grass is always greener....I wished/prayed/hoped for a boy. And as they are now mostly grown and turning into friends instead of daughters, I see that they were just right for our family.

Your boys will be just right for your family. You'll see....

Oh, two boys is going to be so great, Leah. SO GREAT. And that picture of Wombat feeding the doll? Adorable.

I appreciate you being candid about this-- I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant with my first and potentially only child. I was shocked at how I felt upon learning at week 10 (during CVS) that he is a boy. Excited, absolutely, but also a surprise wave of mourning over the possibility of never having the daughter I'd imagined. (Also the dread of having to resolve the circumcision issue, since his wonderful father and I have different religious backgrounds and priorities on that.) As things have moved forward, I am definitely feeling different, more excited and attached. And I do suspect that once this baby is here, I will be so intoxicated with him that I wouldn't have it any other way. Hope that is how it turns out for you.

I have two boys, one is 3 and the other now 6 months and I felt the same. I told everyone I WANTED another boy (buddies, reuse clothes, I KNOW what to expect with another boy) but when we had the ultrasound and BAM it was easy as Kraft Mac to see it was a boy, I was...... a little sad/mopey and it suprised me. No girly things, no mother/daughter bonding, etc. Now that Greyson is here and I see how excited Micah is to have his little brother, I couldn't imagine it any other way. I'll always be a little sad for the girl who never was, but am so grateful for the boys who are.

I appreciate you being candid about this-- I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant with my first and potentially only child. I was shocked at how I felt upon learning at week 10 (during CVS) that he is a boy. Excited, absolutely, but also a surprise wave of mourning over the possibility of never having the daughter I'd imagined. (Also the dread of having to resolve the circumcision issue, since his wonderful father and I have different religious backgrounds and priorities on that.) As things have moved forward, I am definitely feeling different, more excited and attached. And I do suspect that once this baby is here, I will be so intoxicated with him that I wouldn't have it any other way. Hope that is how it turns out for you.

I'm so sorry you're struggling. From what people above and elsewhere on the Internet say it gets better (especially once the little dude is here), but I wish you didn't have to hurt NOW either.

Everytime I hear of someone having a boy (or a second boy, or a third boy...) I think of Amalah, who's family is adorable and happy and sweet and lovely, and specifically a post she wrote when Noah was wee called "On Having A Boy". I've sent that post to MANY friends who have baby boys. I'm sure being a resident of the Internet as I am that you've probably already read it, but maybe it deserves a re-read?

I hope other commenters are right, and it gets better for you and SOON. And I really am happy for you. :)

Link to the Amalah post. Not that it's hard to find, but whatever:
http://www.amalah.com/amalah/2007/04/on_having_a_boy.html

Very candid post. With the hope that the rest of the ultrasound went well, you can relish in and be excited about the fact that you are growing a healthy child - which is the best gift of all (I know you know that, of course, but good to remember).

Hugs to you. And I agree with the above posters, your candidness is amazing.

Oh, how I cried (and felt horrendous guilt) when I discovered my second would be a boy as well. It can feel unfair, particularly when you've decided you'll only have two. I've come around, and let go of the idea that we might try for a third in order to have a girl, and decided there are worse fates in life than being the only female in our foursome.
They will adore you. They will never compete with you/compare themselves to you and vice versa during the teenage years. And if you're lucky, they'll play with your hair and ask you to paint their fingernails when they're little.
You will be great at this.

Thanks for the comments and commiseration and encouragement, folks. I freaking love the internet.

I think one thing that's going to help is focusing on the brother-brother relationship, on what it IS, rather than fixating (futilely) on what having another boy means for me/the family. I feel like we already get to do "boy things," so having another boy just feels redundant whereas having a girl would open up new possibilities. (I don't care how liberal you are, I can't picture someone throwing a boy a frilly tea party for his birthday.) I need to turn this into a story of "get to"s rather than "can't do"s.

Anne--Thanks for the link. Definitely good to re-read, and I think I remember her addressing finding out that Ez and Ike were boys too. She and Roxanna (Everyday Treats; also has 3 boys)--and Sundry and SweetSalty Kate and and and) are wonderful inspiration.

Amanda--Yes, healthy, thank god. It's not hard to remember that being able to have even one healthy baby is never to be taken for granted.

It's ok to feel the way you are and I am so glad you are being honest. My two boys are two years apart, and I LOVE having two boys. They are just so great together, they play, they fight, they help each other and they hurt each other and the whole thing is just nuts to watch. And we totally watch princess movies and they help me with my makeup! There are cute clothes out there too, you just have to look harder for them. I think of it as helping my budget.

For what it's worth, I think if I'd had two boys I would have felt the same way you are feeling. I don't have anything against boys, I have a younger brother who is (mostly) great, my husband is awesome and a little version of him would have been fun to raise, I have several close guy friends whom I can't imagine my life without...but I think I would have had a really hard time not having at least one girl. I get it. You're not abnormal. (Isn't that what the internet is for, finding out we're NOT ALONE in our quirks?)

Like you said, it's always a mystery how they'll turn out. Even when we think we know, we don't have a clue. You'd think that almost 15 months after the birth of my younger daughter I would know better than to expect her to be the same as my older daughter at that age, yet at every turn I am surprised, sometimes shocked, at how very different they are from each other. All of those surprises have caused my regret at not having at least one boy to fade away.

And you never know. You might get to throw a frilly tea party. Do you know who Catherine Newman is? Her son Ben has always loved pink; she just recently made the pre-teen Ben a gorgeous felted-wool bright PINK blanket. And Julia (of here be hippogriffs), her oldest son loves to sew.

i saw this post this morning and the photos, the writing are excellent - it made me want two boys. this pair of brothers are absolutely adorable.

http://www.mytopography.com/2012/02/23/being-brothers-2/

I saw this post today (link below) and it made me want two boys. This series of photos is adorable & heart warming and the writing is thoughtful. Hope it gives you an optimistic peek into what may lie ahead in your own family. (though it is completely understandable to need a little time to mourn a bit for the loss of a different future.)

http://www.mytopography.com/2012/02/23/being-brothers-2/

I love your honesty (especially since I'm one of those mostly-the-bright-side bloggers rather than the keepin'-it-real bloggers). I actually kind of wanted two girls. I had no idea what I would do with a boy (boy parts????). Of course, now I'm completely smitten with our little bear. So now's the time to feel your disappointment (you know, wallow in it a bit - I'm a wallower, myself), because of course you're going to fall head-over-heels once he's here. I was actually rather horrified/shocked/scared/upset/furious when I found out I was pregnant with a second when the first was only 14 months old. I cried. A lot. And then I felt guilty. Damnit, moms need to get over feeling guilty. Reading honest posts like this helps.

I've never left a comment before, but I was following your pregnancy and was one of the weirdos refreshing my browser on Wednesday to see what your ultrasound said...honestly, ultrasound reveals were some of the most surreal and incredible experiences of my life. Totally with you on the finding out at 20 weeks train! I saw your twitter feed and have been thinking of y'all ever since.

I have three -- a daughter and twin boys (14 and 11), so I can't pretend to know exactly how you're feeling. And I really get wanting a girl. I was really happy to have a daughter. But one thing I believe, really really believe is that you have the kids you are are supposed to have. Whether you're religious or you just want to say it's the universe or whatever -- I see it over and over again -- people have the kids they're supposed to have. I see it with biological children and adopted children...it's incredibly complicated and sometimes utterly heartbreaking (like a birth mother deciding not to parent her biological child), but for those of us that come to this kid thing with our whole selves and all the love we can muster -- we have the kids we're supposed to have...Wombat and Mompth are exactly, exactly the sons you and S need, and you are exactly the parents they need.

I will tell you that the gender thing becomes less important as they're older and they're just...them...you will do this!! And do it beautifully.

I really love this post.
Also, I love the internet.
I wish I had the internet back when I was pregnant with MY SON and I was absolutely terrified because I didn't want to be the mother of ANY BOYS EVER. I am a girl. I had a girl. That's what I knew, it's what I liked. I didn't want a boy...but I would NEVER have admitted it.

When he came out, and sure enough, he was a boy, it was INSTANT. I DID want a boy. I just didn't know it.

:)
HUGS

I get the feeling of letting other people down. I'm due with my second boy in seven weeks, and when we revealed that he is a he, we got lots of disappointed reactions. This little guy will be the 7th grandchild on my husband's side, and the 7th grandSON. His grandma, after finding out we were having a boy, verbally expressed frustration and disappointment. And my dad told me that he had wished it was a girl. And although I kind of get where people are coming from, it made my mom heart break a little to receive these reactions. I wanted to protect my unborn son from these reactions. I know everyone will love him once he's here, but it still sucked to have it confirmed that they would've preferred a girl baby.

But I'm trying to learn that you can't control other people's feelings/emotions/responses, and I feel like I've grown closer and closer to this baby as the pregnancy weeks have elapsed (I, too, have dealt with the "we don't have to do anything for this baby since we already have all the boy things"), and when I saw an image of his chubby cheeks at my 32 week ultrasound, I suddenly couldn't wait to meet him in person. I hope that as your weeks progress, you get that feeling, too. I firmly believe that's why pregnancy is so long--it gives us time to face various realities and try (TRY!) to mentally prepare. All my best.

I don't have anything to say which you don't already know, but I'm going to say it anyway:
1. Boys are awesome. You know this. Girls are actually much more work. Whenever I have friends' little girls over to play I end up much more exhausted than when I'm just looking after boys! Girls can TALK! They never stop!
2. Each of my three boys are entirely different. All you know so far is what's between his legs, not what's going to go on in his head. (Again, I know that you know this already.)
3. Boys are super snuggly. And now you get another sweet snuggler to cradle and protect and sniff the sweet warm scent of baby-head from.

You are a lucky girl. It's fine to take time to mourn the girl you won't be having. I am sure, though, that the boy you ARE having will more than make up for it. Honest.

Yup - everything you said... so true and yet I can't imagine life any other way (schmaltzy, but true) than it is with the two boys I have. My husband and I always say that if we tried for a third, hoping for a girl, we know we'd end up with a boy. And the only thing worse than having three boys is... having three girls :)
That said, I feel like it's my job to turn my boys into adults who are each others' best friend. I always wanted a same-sex sibling of my own to be my BFF and now my kids have that. Now, this doesn't mean that's how it's going to end up, but that's my hope.
So excited for you but it's okay to mourn the loss of the girl, the daughter and the granddaughter - but in another few months, you won't be able to fully imagine anything else. Boys are wonderful, and I'm not just saying that because I have to :)

I think I'd feel the exact same way if/when Baby #2 turns out to be a boy as well. On one hand, you kind of know what to expect now with boys. On the other hand, well, you know what to expect. Which isn't very exciting.

But trust me, you will be thanking your lucky stars when your friends with girls are going through their daughters' teenage years. Which pretty much starts around 8 yrs old and lasts until 20. So...there's that.

And you're right about the camaraderie. I hadn't read this post yet before I commented on the last one about my husband wishing he would've had a brother (even though he loves his two sisters). I can't speak from experience since I'm an only child, but I feel like the bond between two brothers is almost always stronger than the one between a brother and a sister, or hell, even two sisters sometimes. So while you may not get to make cute, frilly baby clothes, know that you're giving your first born a best friend for life. And that's pretty awesome.

Also see how right you were in finding out now?! It would totally suck to feel this way after he's born and you're all "surprise! gender disappointment feelings commence!!"

Just jumping in to say that I always wanted a whole gang of boys. Never, ever pictured myself as a mom to a girl and never hoped for it. And yet, I struggled when I found out about having a third.

I don't have much more to add except that getting to call my 3 boys the [Lastname] Brothers makes me super happy & I easily shaved their heads when there was an outbreak of lice at school.

Also, this article made me feel so much better about the craziness that is raising boys. http://www.salon.com/2005/05/04/allen_5/

Ultimately, raising these guys is an amazing, wild adventure. :)

Just stopping by from Twitter ...

I have 2 girls followed by a boy. So I don't know exactly what you're feeling, but I do remember thinking when the 2nd (who might well have been the last) was another girl, I was just so GLAD for a set of same-sex siblings. I know lots of people are of the "one of each" camp, but I have always felt a set of same-sex siblings (be they boys or girls) is the bees' knees. I can only imagine how fantastic two brothers will be for each other.

I did go on to have a third, and it ended up a boy ... but I was EXPECTING, by that point, another girl. I wasn't "trying for the boy," for sure.

Saying good bye to the imaginary baby girl is normal. But your boys -- your BOYS! -- will be fantastic.

ME ME ME! *I* wanted to have boys. Lots of them. And promptly got two girls. Hardy har har, God.

Also your mentioning guilt reminded me of the earned vs. unearned guilt talk I've been hearing/doing in that 12-step group of mine... =) I can so relate, yo.

De-lurking to say that I was the mom of all boys for a long time. I had wanted a girl each time I was pregnant, but I kept having boys. I was disappointed, sure. But I was also secretly relieved that I didn't have to give up my status as The Only Girl In The House.

And then I got pregnant with #4. To complete the irony, I wished for a boy with the last one. And she's a girl. Heh.

I remember the exact second the ultrasound tech put the wand on my stomach and the little boy parts showed up - I too knew exactly what they were and for a moment wanted to run out of the room and request a do-over. A do-over on what I don't know...maybe that we'd done something to "try" for a girl (whatever the old wives tales may be) or a new technician or just putting the wand somewhere else so it wasn't such an immediate shock. But now that he's here (6 months yesterday), it is so fun watching our two little guys become brothers. And they are SO different from each other. It is easy and obvious that all babies are different (other peoples babies, that is), but somehow you expect your own to be very similar. So far they haven't nursed/slept/cuddled/looked alike at all, and I imagine that will continue into toddlerhood and beyond. Thanks for your honesty here, you were able to put a lot of my own feelings into words a lot more eloquently than I could.

I wanted two boys. It's all I've ever known! My brother has two boys, my sister has two boys, Adam's brother has two boys. Our families ALLLLL have two boys. And honestly, two boys are awesome. They are AWESOME, and I say this as a person who has watched boy families grow since I was 22, when my first nephew arrived.

I always saw myself as the mother of boys, because that's what everyone has. And besides, two boys really are fantastic. They ARE.

And then, you know, I got two girls. Heh. Thanks universe, for giving me exactly what I needed, even though it wasn't what I thought I wanted. Truth. (Also, I think this is God's way of paying my ass BACK for being such a shitty girl teenager to my mother. Call me in 12 years, is what I'm saying.)

Also, while I don't have any new clothes to buy, because my girls are both born in similar seasons, I AM using it as an excuse to buy Sam higher quality clothes at this stage, knowing that her sister will also wear them. So there is that.

First off, I think you are going to really enjoy having two of the same gender.

Second, even though my husband and I both hoped for a second girl (see above) and got her, after the ultrasound my husband promptly went into a six-week long "I'll never have a son" depression. Surprised me but normal I guess and made me glad we'd found out at 20 weeks instead of on game day.

Thirdly, our second girl made my parents grandparents to four granddaughters (0 grandsons) and there will likely be no more. They don't seem to care.

Fourth(ly), I got the EXACT same reactions you are getting--sad chuckles (even though we totally WANTED another girl) and head wagging, weird comments (my dental hygienist: "I have the same disease you do--two girls" WTF? and "Was your husband disappointed?") and my very least favorite: "Two weddings!" I thought everybody was just sexist but glad to know it happens on the other side too!

Congrats!

Two boys over here! It's really good. The best part for me is seeing my husband go off into the woods with them. The three of them, building forts and stuff. And I can come along if I want to and be a part of that, but usually I stay home and have my alone time. And the brothers, oh my goodness, the brothers. Seeing them together makes my heart melt, it is such a sweet bond. And Wombat will have a chance to be a super big brother, a perfect role model for the little one, there is nothing like it. Boys are awesome, and they will adore you, always.
http://www.lightsandletters.com/writing/2011/3/23/brothers.html

I'm one of the always wanted boys folks. Except I didn't want TWO boys. I wanted THREE. And I hoped that all of them would be hell-raisers. Because, apparently, I'm a glutton for punishment.

Now, of course, I'm not even sure if we'll have kids, but I've started to adjust myself to the idea of having girls, because it would figure that I would end up with only girls, right?

Anyway, I join the rest in saying it's great that you can be so candid about this. But just to let you know, your cool quotient has gone way up with me. You'll be the girl with all the boys, and I think that's totally badass.

Wow. Reading all these comments makes we want to have two boys!

I totally, totally get how you feel. It's my one fear about having another kid (OK, aside from the whole life-upheaval, how the hell do you handle two kids thing). The one sad thing about having the boy first is that you know there's a chance that it might be ALL BOYS. And there *is* a loss when you don't have the daughter you were hoping for--no dresses, no pink, no pigtails.

That's not to say that I (or you) won't love two boys just as much as a boy and a girl. Because of course. Of course!

Don't deny yourself the fun of buying (or making) new clothes just because this baby will be a boy again. He might be a little chub where Wombat was lanky. Have fun getting ready for him to come!

And the best part is, you are having a healthy baby. He is thriving! I would love to be where you are right now.

Aw love, I had no idea you had such strong feelings either way. You and Simon amaze me with what great parents you both are to Wombat, and his little brother will be equally lucky! (And hey, he may be a little boy who likes wearing dresses...I mean, you just never know! ;-) )

Also, I love that you are honest about how you're feeling because it irks me to read so many pregnant bloggers who are all "we don't care what it is as long as it's healthy!" when obviously every parent-to-be has a bit of a bias one way or another.

I have two girls....they are only two and four, but we have draaaammmmaaaa. My four-year-old came home from school the other day and was upset because a boy told her that she was not beautiful because she was not wearing a dress. Eek. And the hair combing. OMG. It sounded like fun until I had to do it every morning.

I so appreciate your honesty. Want to trade a boy for a girl ; )?

Thanks for this post. I hope you feel better soon.

I never, ever wanted to be the mom of two boys, but here I am. I found out at 20 wks both times b/c I knew I'd be sad to have no girls...and here I am. And I LOVE my boys and I am so grateful that they are healthy, and...here I am.

It does not help that LITERALLY everyone I knew who was pregnant around the same time had baby girls. Or that my mother KEEPS telling me that she thought #2 would be a girl. Or that she still sometimes CALLS HIM "SHE." Every time I think I am feeling okay with it, someone blindsides me with a "going to try for a girl?" comment. As a subfertile, 39-year old...yeah, that's not going to happen. We're done with two, and quite frankly, I wouldn't want to try again and not get a girl, so...not going to take that risk.

It also does not help that boy #2 was the crankiest, most inconsolable newborn ever and I HATED my maternity leave, and I basically spent it feeling that he must somehow KNOW that I wanted a baby girl and thinks that I do not love him enough and that's why he needs me to hold him 24/7.

I love watching my husband with our older boy, and I know that my older boy is thrilled to have a little brother. And I also feel very, very left out of all the sports and boy things. Right now my older boy likes to watch shows with me and sing and such, but I fear that will all fade very quickly once it becomes a "girlish" thing to do. I thought I'd feel a whole lot better by now (baby is 4 months old), but the truth is that I don't, really. Not yet. I hope I will soon.

And believe me, after two horrific miscarriages (also boys) and years of fertility problems, I am well aware of how lucky I am to have children at all. So no need to flame. It still hurts.

Anyway, I appreciated this post. I think it's complete bullshit that we're only allowed to have or express a preference once we "get" what we really wanted.

I'm seconding Ms. Luna's comment because there is always a bias and it's BS for people to say that they don't have one. I love how candid you are being about this because there this is unfamiliar territory for you all and you are acknowledging that it's there and, more importantly, that it is OK.

(As an aside: I love re-reading Amy's 'On Having a Boy' post because I totally forgot about that. And then of course I read the post she wrote a few weeks later about her whore of a babysitter leaving her. Probably because she - the babysitter - hates boys.)

(Another aside: I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!)

I am an avid reader, and am delurking to commiserate as I was right where you are upon finding out that our second baby was a boy.

As much as I said "as long as it's healthy," I wanted a girl, hands down. I wanted to dress her in funky hippie-like little girls wear and have tea parties in the back yard. I couldn't wait to share wine and pedicure dates when she grew up, and plan her wedding when she met the person of her dreams. I wanted to see how much my dad would delight in having a granddaughter in a way that was just a little gentler than the love that he has for his grandson(s), and like you, I wanted to give my mom her one and only granddaughter. Mostly, though, I think if I'm being honest with myself, I saw having a daughter as a means of mending a lot of things that I would change about my own childhood relationship with my mother, and further, things that I would change about myself.

Also, like you, I have no experience with the brother-brother relationship.

All of that said, whoo boy has my perspective changed.

Hands down the most rewarding part of parenting for me to date has been seeing the brother/brother relationship develop between my two boys. The way our oldest boy helps his younger brother learn, the complete adoration our youngest has for our oldest, and the insanely imaginative and collaborative world they continually create together blow my mind and my heart.

I'm currently (and quite unexpectedly) 28 weeks pregnant with number three. It's another boy. Only this time at our gender reveal ultrasound, I had this unexpected contentment wash over me and I knew our family will be exactly as it should be. No regret whatsoever (except maybe the whole starting the newborn no-sleep bullshit over again) :).

I'll forever be the princess of my castle, and the adoration that the princes show me really has more than doubled with the doubling of their numbers. Here's to hoping a third will only increase the amazing feeling that comes with having boys.

Honestly you probably won't fully feel the same way until you see your boys start to develop their own relationship . . . but I can promise that it will come.

Until then, focus on how criminally cute you look whilst pregnant. At least you can dress always yourself up :).

I felt the same way you did in that I was hoping my twins would be boy-girl or girl-girl. When the ultrasound woman said they were both boys, I admit I cried for a minute and promptly went shopping for cute boy onesies to cheer myself up. (We are also stopping at two.) And the minute they were born, I was totally over it, because then they weren't just "two boys"; they were themselves. I mean, yes, when I see little girls with braids, I think to myself, "Oh, cute!" and there's a little bit of wishing I had that. But I don't know those girls, and I don't know the girl that I might have had, so it's hard to care very much. I know my boys, and they're awesome, and they're SO DIFFERENT. Trust me: just because you have one boy doesn't necessarily mean you know anything about raising the second one. :)

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