Horseshoes and Hand Grenades
Or, How To Almost Fail Father's Day, But Do It in Style
Step 1: Make a batch of heavenly chocolate cookies in secret because you know your beau loves both chocolate and secrets. It's okay if you don't melt a mint on top (because you don't have any mints) and you forget to add the baking soda (because you're incompetent). They'll still be delicious!
Step 2: Package a generous number of chocolate cookies all fancy-like so they look like they came from a fancy-type store.
Step 3: Take the cookies over to a friend's house for dinner and revel as the crowd (of two) praises the fancy packaging and then the fancy cookies themselves. Feel equally proud and jilted that within the half hour the entire box of cookies has been eaten and you only had one.
Step 3a: Open thank you note from your ass for only having one.
Step 4: Return home from dinner and have another cookie from the stash of extras.
Step 4a: Tell your ass to stop looking at you that way.
Step 5: Resolve to not eat any more cookies until Father's Day since that's actually why you made them in the first place.
Step 6: Daydream about the cookies all day while you're out and about and then come home and eat three and a half in rapid succession. Let your loving spouse eat however many he does until they're all gone.
Step 7: Wake up on Father's Day and realize there are no Father's Day cookies in the house.
Step 8: At 9 p.m. that night, remember there was some leftover dough. Make a batch of cookies and enjoy in the hot tub. Promise your loving spouse that you will never ever ever make those cookies again because they are really quite obviously not low-fat.
Step 9: Tell your loving spouse to stop looking at your ass like that.
spouse? did you two kids run off and git hitched without tellin the innernet?
those cookies look scrumptious!
(am having trouble with the shift key; sorry, editor lady)
"Spouse" is my generic catch-all term for "person you're living with in a married-type way." I imagine when we do eventually get hitched at least one of us will live-tweet from the event because we're just that dumb.