Newborn Mom
(Before I start, please know that I'm already worried this post will read like "Poor me, being put in an uncomfortable situation [by someone who needs my help], WAH," but I don't know how to guard against it being read that way except to say, "Please don't read it that way." I really am writing this in the spirit of wanting to be a good friend, and a helpful one, but also a truthful one, and I'm really not sure how to do that when MY truth might not be what my friend wants/needs to hear.)
And now that I've made this sound like a big dramatic deal--which it is not--here's my issue:
What do you say to new parents who are having a hard time with their newborn in ways that Simon and I didn't? Wombat always slept and ate with no problem (yes, I have seen the mythical sleep-through-the-night-from-the-beginning newborn and lived to tell the tale!), and even in the thick of those early weeks, I never once said out loud--or even thought the words--"Please tell me it gets better than THIS." Whether Wombat was an exceptionally good/easy baby or we were just able to roll with the punches (or gentle jabs) better than some new parents are--or a combination of the two--I don't know, but what I do know is that having a newborn can be HARD--the hardest thing some people have ever done, although that's certainly not my experience--and we were simply lucky enough to dodge the worst of it (in part, I think, because I had psyched myself up for it to suck so bad. Thanks again, mommyblogs!)
So, I have a friend with a brand-new baby, and I find myself wanting to share my experiences with her--because she asks and because it seems few other women have shared their experiences with her--but I haven't found a way to do that yet that's not totally awkward and uncomfortable, largely because I get the sense that she's not looking for general sympathy and support but for specific empathy, for someone to fly the Been There Done That flag and assure her that, yes, it does get better than THIS. While I can assure her that it will get better (because it always does in some way or another), I can't really do that while sharing the truth of my experience.
Unfortunately, one thing I also know is that it sometimes gets worse before it gets better and that sometimes after it gets better it gets worse again, and so on into infinity, or at least into teenagerhood, but instinct tells me this is not the time to share that particular nugget of information, so again, I'm not sure what to say. I'm stuck between, on the one hand, giving vague, noncommital, generic reassurance that they're doing a good job and will make it through this and one day might even contemplate having another child (all of which I fully believe), and, on the other hand, telling the capital-T truth, which is that Simon and I didn't really experience any of those issues with our own newborn and that it might indeed get worse than it is now (the baby is only two and a half weeks old, which is about when Wombat "woke up" and actually cried when he was upset instead of just nodding off into unconsciousness again), but that it's really going to be okay, it really really is.
The first option--the deflective hemming and hawing--seems counterintuitive to what I value most about mothering in this era, when one of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves and for the community (both the community of mothers and the community of the world) is to share our experiences and our truths, whatever those may be. I think to give vague reassurance is to regress to the time when no one talked about anything having to do with pregnancy and parenthood that wasn't bedazzled with declarations of "Oh, it's the best thing ever. I'm just SO HAPPY." (We still say that, of course, in part because it's true, but we also say "The gorey aftermath of childbirth was truly horrifying, and oh by the way, have you ever wanted to club your kid on the head with an oversized novelty mallet because I AM THERE." These truths are as valuable as the pretty ones, even if their greatest effect in some cases is to prepare a mother for levels of suckage that never come to pass.)
And yet...it's difficult to sometimes join the conversation when everyone's bonding over all-day morning sickness and stick-around babyweight and newborns who don't know day from night. And I know that people on the dark and seemingly endless end of the spectrum don't always appreciate hearing from people who were on the shiny, sparkly end. (Again, my point is not to boo-hoo that I'm being left out because I've been lucky; it's to say that sometimes I don't know what to say.) In this case, the best I can think to do is say I have a friend who experienced X or Y and blah blah blah itwillgetbetterIpromise--sharing from my extensive collection of anecdotes instead of my own history. It feels like a cop-out (and lord knows how much I love to talk about myself and loathe turning down a direct invitation to do so), but I think it might be the most helpful thing in this case, at least right now. I just figure that even if someone is the type to WANT to hear the down-and-dirty details, she probably doesn't want to hear them when she's in the thick of it.
Either way, I certainly don't want to be the motherfriend who's all "MY baby slept through the night" and "MY baby had no trouble breastfeeding" and "MY body snapped back without any effort" (although my body is worse now than it was at three months postpartum; ask to see a belly shot and I will not-so-politely decline with a sneer). So...I guess I just share the anecdotes and deflect questions about my own experience? Say, "You know, we didn't really have that issue, but a friend of mine did, and here's what helped her"?
I know some of you had the hard newborns (or had a hard time parenting your standard newborns), so I'm wondering what helped (or didn't) when you asked other mothers "What did you do when your baby did this?" Were you after the truth from a variety of perspectives, whatever those might be, or were you after support in the form of "You are not alone"? What do you wish people had said (or not said) when you were in the depths of newborn hell?
I have two daughters - my first was the baby from hell, my 2nd was one of those easy babies...slept many hours from the start, etc. So I can tell you it's more than just being able to roll with the punches better - some babies are rough and others are not. My oldest cried all the time - for what seemed like 18 months. She was so needy - wanted to be held or at least touching me all the time. It wore me out and I would be so angry AT her, which I knew wasn't fair or rational. All I can suggest is - don't go it alone. Find someone to give you breaks - where you can leave the house without them for a while kind of breaks. And try not to worry about things that don't matter - so the house isn't clean, your teeth aren't brushed...tomorrow is another day.
Have her email me.
Seriously. I've got empathy galore.
Theo was colicky. Nursed a lot (no problems other than he was a preemie and I couldn't nurse him right away so I was pumping every 3 hours while Bryan fed him with a bottle for a week) so I was exhausted. I had really bad PPD as well. SEVERE anxiety. Many breakdowns and I was climbing the walls afraid things would never get better. EVER.
I was more exhausted than I ever thought humanly possible, and with Theo being so so so so fussy, I was in a downward spiral.
Of course, I felt like no one else was going through what I was going through. Friends had easy babies. No colic. So when we'd go somewhere everyone would stare and we'd feel their silent judgement. "Glad I'm not THEM" I'd feel them thinking. "Thank goodness our baby isn't like THAT." All other mothers could sit still and have their baby content in their arms. With Theo we could never sit still and we would pace all over our friend's houses trying to be part of the conversation while keeping the fussing to a minimum. It was isolating and frustrating and made me feel even worse.
What I would have wanted? Was understanding. Even from people who never went through it. No 'helpful' suggestions because yes, we've tried that that that that and THAT TOO THANKS! Being exhausted when someone is trying to be helpful on a situation you're already sensitive about = awful. Like you're not a good mother. I had people offer to take him for an hour or two so I could nap (which was appreciated) however with my severe anxiety I couldn't rest knowing he was being fussy for someone else. I felt that no one should have to deal with that and it was my responsibility. I worred about people HAVING A GOOD TIME when they were with him, of all things. He was 8 weeks old for goodness sakes! I was out of my mind, as you can see.
I appreciate the question you are posing and don't see it as asshat-ish at all.
I also feel that I'm not offering any helpful advice to you other than be totally sympathetic and don't judge. Not that you would, but don't look at her with pity when the baby is fussing, that will make her feel worse. Let her vent and cry and rage and mope if that's what she has to do. And know she loves her child, but she just has to talk about the hardship with someone without feeling labeled.
Again, she can email me.
(And just writing this and remembering has me a little shakey and my heart is racing, still fresh are the memories and emotions from that time.)
Great post topic.
I had a very difficult high needs baby and was always seeking out someone to tell me that things would get better. I think the thing that I most appreciated was when girlfriends (with *easier* babies) would just give me plain old encouragement or even better and flatter me by telling me that I didn't look sleep deprived. The old, "I don't know how you do it. It must be hard." Actually made me feel good. Recognizing that I was working so hard was really nice.
I also was so happy when people would just listen and ask me questions about being a new mum to a crying fussy always awake baby. Instead of giving me advice they would just listen. Ask me what tricks I use. Ask me about his sleep or my lack of sleep. Talking about it made me feel like an expert on my own baby.
I had one friend who had had a very similar baby experience and instead of giving me advice she would tell me stories about her baby experiences. I loved matching them up to my own. She would also tell me how her fussy high needs baby eventually did sleep through the night. Eventually being like 18 months but still.
Listen. Support. Encourage and bring coffee.
Samanthajocampen--That's really excellent. Especially the part about not even trying to offer suggestions if she doesn't ask because, chances are, she'll have tried those things. (Similar advice when dealing with couples TTC and mothers with severe morning sickness, etc.)
One thing that was revealing, actually, was that Simon, in talking to the new dad a bit (who said he's never been so anxious in his life as he has been taking care of his newborn), was able to put things into perspective by simply saying, "Dude, babies cry. That's what they do. It doesn't mean you're doing something wrong or that you're a bad dad. It just means your baby is a baby." Apparently that was really soothing for the parents to hear.
Of course, it hadn't ever occurred to me that someone would equate a crying baby with some personal failure, but again, I think that's because I was prepped to expect that, whereas these parents haven't had a lot of experience with newborns or the newborn experience as told by parents who aren't afraid to tell their (awful) truth. As far as they knew, a well-cared for baby was a silent baby, which is obviously not the case.
And yes, Kim, you've pointed out my fear--that we've had our "easy" baby and the next one (Simon's approval pending) will be the newborn from HELL. :)
Mama in the City--Another piece of really wise advice! Ask HER questions about what SHE'S doing rather than trying to be the expert myself (something that is admittedly hard for me to do). Because you're right--just because I know what worked with my baby doesn't mean I have a clue what's going to work with hers, and maybe letting her talk it out will help her see that she really is doing okay. (And I think she is, she's just really really sleep-deprived!)
I feel like maybe I can help a little here because I did have a very difficult time those first two months. What I wanted, as a person in the thick of some hard times back then, was someone to be there, not necessarily to commiserate but to care, to listen, to maybe offer things that were hard on them in different ways (maybe the newborn stage was easy but has another phase been harder than expected?), just to say, "you're normal to feel this way, let me be there for you."
I don't think the choices are generic platitudes or lying. I think you can say you had a different experience but completely understand what it's like to be overwhelmed or to deal with an unexpected parenting curve ball. Kyle's always been a pretty great sleeper, all things considered. He didn't sleep through the night right away but he did at five months (12 hrs) and before that he was sleeping in pretty good chunks. He's always gone down easily, without much fight, and I feel lucky (albeit totally not the one to credit, I think you combine that luck with a few things we tried that worked well for him), but I also feel I can understand or be sympathetic when people talk to me about sleep issues. Kyle's a good sleeper but there have been hard nights and I still know what it's like to be exhausted (oh do I), even though I potentially could have been sleeping 12 hours a night myself for the last 8 mos. (NEVER EVER HAVE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?)
What my personal experience has taught me is that new moms need more: more ears to listen to them, more resources to help them, more understanding across the board and not just from moms who have had similar experiences but from all moms. We are each (channeling Jonna) unique snowflakes and ALL parenting experiences are different in a million ways, but we can still understand what it's like to go through something difficult, something overwhelming and we can still be there for each other with sincerity. I have someone in my own life who seems to almost strangely often point out that she can't understand my experience because hers was so much better. She loved that stage and her baby slept through the night from day one. Although I don't think she's malicious, I do question her motives at times because I do think she could be a good, supportive friend without doing that. (And not that she has to lie but when I'm sharing my story, it's an odd time for her to offer the other, much shinier version.)
I think you caring enough about your friend to want to answer/help her respectfully says enough about you and your motivations as a friend. You should let that shine through, not your own (better, in this case) experience. Just be there for her, offer to bring dinner, invite her out for a girl's night, send her a gift card or even just a note that says you're thinking of her. You'll make her day (week? month?) with those gestures and it never has to be about how you didn't have as hard a time as she may be having. All it has to be about is that you care for her and you care for her baby. And that's really enough.
It's not a bad thing to say that you didn't have to experience that but that you want to see how she's doing. I tend to want to share my stories, too, and have realized that I don't always need to... but maybe should just listen and enjoy.
So what you guys are saying is that I should just shut my damn trap already? ;) Duly noted.
Jennie--I don't know what it was about your comment that made me get all teary, but it did. (Perhaps because I read along as you were living your newborn experience and I always wanted so badly to say something reassuring but just lurked because I didn't know what to say?)
I love these comments!
I had a rough time with our first kid, and it helped immensely when someone could muster alllllll the humility they could and acknowledge how lucky they were — that it is simple luck and not superior parenting, or the benefit of having done more research, or a reward for being awesome, or anything like that.
What I've always tried to do when talking about things that have been easy for us is to acknowledge, too, that the tables can turn very quickly. Today's good eater is tomorrow's kid who will only eat manmade orange foods ending in -itos. And today's oh-God-won't-you-sleep-er may be tomorrow's hardcore napper. Awareness of one's own good fortune, plus encouragement to the downtrodden all at once!
This is a great topic. It's really nice of you to be concerned about how to give your friend the best possible support.
What about referring to some unknown friend and how you understand she went through similar things or how you used to read a blog (you can't remember which one:-) and how their baby was very similar to her baby and her baby grew out of it???
One other thing I wanted to mention was how the more I think of this situation the more I'm reminded of the awkwardness I've felt in trying to support people who have it rough in other ways, whether that's TTC or the death of a child or problems with breastfeeding or whatever. See, I've got that Man Gene in me that has a hard time just listening without also trying to problem-solve, to ameliorate, to FIX, so I need to keep remembering that sometimes the best thing I can say is nothing at all (although not in an avoid-and-lurk kind of way but in an active-listening kind of way, obvs).
Having an easy newborn is kind of like (and yet COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM, I KNOW) trying to figure out the best way to announce your pregnancy to a friend who's been trying for years. There's really no way to talk around the fact that the situation sucks sweaty balls for one of you, but I think (I hope!) that even just being sensitive to the discrepancy in fortunes can in some small way help close the gap. It still stings to feel like you're the only one with the difficult baby/womb-trubs/whatever, but at least you don't have to deal with someone prancing around waving their good luck in your face like a rhythmic gymnastics ribbon, right? (RIGHT?!)
If someone asks me a question I don't have experience with or am afraid to rock the boat with the answer, I always refer them to Baby Center. They can search it and look through the community answers and the Pediatrician's answers and what not. Just read as much as they can on other's experiences and on MD's advice and hopefully it will help explain or make them feel more at peace. That is what helped me during pregnancy when people couldn't understand how I was feeling, and instead of helping they just hurt my feelings or made me angry. Baby Center approached what I was going through from pretty much every angle. I promise I'm not in anyway a spokes-person for them, lol, I just enjoyed the resources.
I had more than one person not tell me their pregnancy news while we were trying to get pregnant and that HURT, like in a still-stings kind of way. Because, and I don't know if I can really say this how I want to, but it reminded me that everyone was aware of how unlucky I was in comparison. Same with the easy vs harder new-mom experience (I selfishly refuse to ever label Kyle as difficult; he doesn't need that), but when other moms wouldn't call or say anything to me or would avoid me (that happened a lot, and I'm tearing up thinking about it), it reminded me that everyone was aware I was having a hard time. When someone listens or brings you dinner, they care, when they avoid you, it feels like they're pointing out they can't relate and/or are better and that just hurts.
And I should say, I know it's not malicious. There are very few people who TRY to hurt you. I can count on one hand the number of people who enjoyed my pain during that time, but some people didn't so much as contribute to the pain as they did nothing at all to ease it and that hurts too.
So honestly, just being there is so important. Just being present and a part of their story during that time.
As soon as you said "2 and a half weeks" the answer always is "Yes, it will get better" The woman is just tired, I don't care how crazy or calm your baby is, they have to eat so often at that age that sleep deprivation is inevitable. Even if her baby doesn't sleep through the night until he's four she will be getting more sleep then she is now and then things won't feel so bleak.
It's hard to remember how tired you are actually are when those first few weeks are just a distant memory. My daughter (almost 4) was an awesome baby so everybody said our 2nd would be really difficult, but my son (4 months) is almost, dare I say it, even better then my daughter. But even I was unprepared again for those few first weeks of sleep deprivation. I knew it was coming, I had just forgotten how bad it really was especially with the milk coming in and all the hormones. It's so crazy how hard it makes everything else when you are short on sleep.
i'm not a mama, so i'm going with mama in the city on this one. listen. support. encourage... and bring macaroni and cheese.
Whenever I read this kind of post, I feel like I have so much to say and then I just FAIL because I don't know where to begin. Love reading what everyone else has to say and I'll just add a few things...
My husband was REALLY nervous with our newborn (he had never really been around one before) and I remember one thing his mom told him that he used to repeat sometimes when the baby would cry - "She's just exercising her lungs! It's good for her!" Like your friend's husband, he just felt better knowing there was some reason, and that it wasn't always in our control.
BFing wasn't all that easy for me in the beginning for a lot of reasons, but it definitely got better as time went on. This might sound really lame, but does your friend read any blogs or visit message boards? I remember finding blogs written by women who had babies at around the same time as me (in my case, Jennie and Jonna) and it was really helpful to read about what other women were going through. They could put their experiences into words a million times better than I ever could, and sometimes reading it through someone else's eyes brought me some clarity.
To sum my blabbing up, I guess it just helped to know that I wasn't screwing up, it would get better, and my baby was going to be fine no matter what.
Listen and support -- with a 2.5-week-old baby, she needs reassurance that she's doing a great job.. Of course, bringing her a yummy meal or a cup of coffee probably wouldn't hurt either!
Well! As you know, I had the suckiest experience of anyone I know. Literally, anyone. I don't know anyone, save for one person, who experienced anything close to what I did in those early months, and ... well. Things were VERY BAD. Colic! Reflux! The neverending scream!
All I needed, honestly, was someone to say, "Oh, honey. This is awful. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I'm here to listen. But I know it will get better."
End of story. I didn't want advice, or anecdotes, or anything, unless it was from someone who had SPECIFICALLY been where I had been, and even then, all I wanted to hear was that it got better. Even people who supposedly understood from their own similar experience felt the need to beat me over the head with their misery stick, letting me know that it was YEARS later, and they still hadn't recovered! And their kid didn't sleep through the night, EVER! And BOY, DO THEY UNDERSTAND!
Um, hey? NOT HELPFUL.
Now, when presented with a similar situation, I simply say what I stated above. Then I show them a picture of my happy, smiling, beautiful kid and say, no, really: it gets better. So fast. You will sleep again, sooner than you think. You will get through it. You will get this. And by the way? You are awesome. You are amazing. You are awesome.
It's a dilemma, definitely. I was the person who just wanted someone to say, "I know it's so hard, you're doing great, I promise it will get better" and resented all the ADVICE everyone gave me. I didn't need ADVICE, I needed EMPATHY and ENCOURAGEMENT.
However, I was recently talking to my SIL with her first newborn and worried that some of his issues may have been deeper than just newborn-ness, but didn't want to get all advicey on her. But it turned out a couple weeks later I was right and oh my stars how much I've regretted not saying anything. It's a fine line, and everyone sits on it differently, but I will say that next time I suspect there may be a medical problem, I WILL SAY SO.
I have twin boys. One was a really difficult baby, and one was really easy. Put together, they were overwhelming. :)
The worst thing anybody said to me, at about 2 weeks in, was "The first year is the hardest." First YEAR? I'm just trying to get through the next hour! I think a helpful thing would be to say how babies change so much so quickly. In a month, they'll be completely different, with new problems, but maybe those problems will be easier to handle. I also would have loved lots of specific commands and people telling me what to do, because I knew nothing about babies and hadn't been around children at all since I was one myself, but maybe it's a different situation for your friend.
I love my boys more every day.
It’s a tricky one.
G wasn’t a particularly easy baby and I didn’t ease into motherhood in that fits like a glove way that some do. What did I want during those first months with too little sleep and stomach aches galore? Some days I wanted to be left alone, some days I wanted company. I have to say that I felt comfortable in the company of mothers who have also had a rough time, who have had problems similar to the ones I have experienced. The “I know someone who has been in a situation similar to yours (but I haven’t myself)” is great in many ways (and I wouldn’t have been without it), but having the “my kid isn’t sleeping either and I have showered in a week” right in front of me has saved me more than once. And when writing that I think of my friend who had the easiest of babies, but the crappiest of relationships and of that day when she said that she was sad that people were envious of her life because the baby part was easy when the relationship part wasn’t – it was just something people didn’t really think of as a part of motherhood.
I guess my only advice is to dive in and do your best. On a good day you can be exactly what your friend needs and on a bad she will tell her boyfriend how annoying you were. I had days where I needed to talk and days where I needed to be talked to. I have friends who said the wrong things one day and the right ones the next. Be there and be prepared to give her that month of space she may need if she has a hard time coping mothers who haven’t experienced what she is going through (I know I had, and I also know that I needed those friends later and none of them “left”, they just waited.)
A similar thing happened to me recently: a friend who'd been trying to get pregnant was CONVINCED she'd have terrible morning sickness, and of course I was all "Oh, you'll be fiiiiiiiiiiiine," and now she's pregnant and barfing a good 5 times a day. Oops. I feel awful, because I wasn't nearly as sick, and I just don't know what to tell her when she's like "PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP!"
Anyway. Trying to put myself in your friend's shoes, I THINK I'd want to hear the "'You know, we didn't really have that issue, but a friend of mine did, and here's what helped her'" routine.
I have nothing new to add - neither I nor my friends have babies yet. But it is refreshing that others also struggle and take time to think about coming across the right way, and trying not to hurt others feelings. I have a couple friends that I wish would think twice about their approach before offering "advice".
Jennie - I read your blog too, and it's very enlightening to hear that you were hurt by people who became pregnant while you were still trying but didn't let you know. I can see how it would be difficult for them to approach - so they just avoided...but that that is not the right thing to do. One of my closest friends has been going through fertility treatments for years(!) and although I have a hard time relating to what she's going through, I also hope to be supportive and optomistic for her - by just listening and being a friend.
I have a 5-week-old who I guess would be classed as "easy", relatively speaking- she doesn't sleep through the night or anything so lucky as that, but she's USUALLY only up once or twice, and doesn't have major screaming sessions. But MAN, I'm still sleep deprived and still casting around for people to tell me it gets better. I'm still finding it hard.
I think your instinct is that your friend doesn't want to hear about your easy ride- and I think your instinct is bang-on. In fact, to hear about your lack of newborn hardship may make her feel like crying (I speak from crazy, hormonal, very recent new-mother experience here). Right now I only want to hear from people who did find it hard and for whom it DID get better- and I want them to tell me when, exactly, that happened! While I'm sure you wouldn't be gloating, it would really serve no purpose to share unless she specifically asks- I'm not suggesting you lie of course.
And if you do share, an acknowledgement that there is no rhyme or reason to newborns and that your good luck was just that- good luck- wouldn't go amiss I'm sure.
My suggestion would be: don't say, do. If your own childcare needs allow it, take lunch or dinner round; offer to spend a couple of hours with the baby between feeds so she can sleep, or to comfort the baby for a whole evening, just handing him/her over for feeds; do some food shopping for her. Practical help means so much at this stage.
Bokker--That bit about the practical help is a great tip. I honestly don't think I was ever sleep-deprived during even those first few weeks (tired, yes, but not even that bad compared to most pepole) but I think it was a MAJOR help that I didn't really have to be responsible for anything other than the baby during the day. Because my mom was in town to take care of us, I didn't have to fix a meal or grocery shop or sweep a floor or do ANYTHING except get comfortable and feed my baby and take showers, and I imagine that having to deal with even those simple things AND a newborn would have made the experience a lot harder.
My second was extreeeeemely colicky. So much so that someone here *coughcoughMEcough* ended up on zoloft to deal with it. A combination of post-partum depression and my son's colic just about did me in, for real. So, what do I remember that helped? Just a general pat on the back, and an honest, "Dude, I KNOW this sucks, but it will pass." For me, I absolutely did not want to hear about how colicky YOUR baby was, and how many weeks HE cried nonstop and how YOU survived it. I think moms who are having a tough time with their newborns don't generally care about how awful someone else's baby was, I think most of us just want(ed) someone to listen to us cry about it, and say to us "It's okay, it's going to be okay, I promise." That, and someone to come just take the damn baby so we could sleep for an hour.
So hey, tell your friend that after I posted the above comment, my baby slept for nearly 8 hours straight that night. Booyah! That is all. Actually, maybe don't tell her....
My sister's first screamed day and night. She was beside herself but I could tell she didn't really want advice from her four sisters. He developed a bark -- a freaky sound from a wee one.
I said, "That doesn't sound good." She took him to the pediatrician. He had severe reflux. I babysat for a month when my sister when back to work. She didn't want to leave him in the care of a nanny until the reflux improved. I did nothing but hold him all day long. The laundry piled up and my cupboards were bare. I was a complete wreck!
Sometimes there's a reason a baby is out of sorts. If a mother is overwhelmed she might want to consult with the pediatrician.
I love the expression. Everyone needs to express there own opinion and feel free to hear others. Keep it up :)
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