Seeing Red
Up-do necessitating bobby pins? Okay!
Patent leather pumps. Hells yeah.
Redredred lipstick? Let's do it!
Thigh-high fishnets with a purple garter belt*? Well, if you insist.
All of the above? Whoa nelly.
As if wearing that modesty-defying pink sequined dress to her non-bachelorette-party bachelorette party wasn't enough, I got all tarted up for Holly's birthday on Saturday, and I just wanted to note here that it's really nice to have a group of friends among whom I can try out my most daring feats of wardrobe artistry and not have them flee in shame or pretend they don't know who I am and why I'm sitting at their table/hanging out in their living room drinking all their champagne and eating all their cheese. Friendship means never having to hide your fishnets.
Plus, I clearly can't "express myself"** at work in this way lest I be greeted, as I was this morning, by comments like, "Well, don't you look pretty today." Today? What do you mean "today"? Did you just call me ugly? Perhaps we need to move this conversation from the watercooler to the parking lot, friend. (I'm also the girl who gets offended when someone tells me--with nothing short of sympathy and goodwill--that I "look tired." I just don't think it's necessary to tell someone they look like crap even if you're trying to be nice. Am I alone in this?)
Anyway, the reason I presumably look so "pretty TODAY" is because I dared wear the aforementioned redredred lipstick to the office, albeit toned down with pastels and a conspicuous lack of anything that might feature in a Fosse show. I knew it was a risk to go red when I usually go bare nude without lipstick, but I wanted to do it--had to do it, almost--just to prove to myself I could. I firmly believe that confidence is the new (old? timeless?) black and that you're never fully dressed without a smile, and so forward march with the red lipstick it was. Besides, it's just red lipstick, right? It's not like I wore a moustache to the coffee shop.
I bought the lipstick (Covergirl Outlast All-Day #507, Ever Red-dy--aka ARE YOU CALLING ME A SLUT?!?!) on Saturday morning, and since then I've worn it on Saturday afternoon while shopping, on Saturday evening to a casual birthday party, on Saturday night, to a fancier birthday party, with men in ties and everything, and then today at work.
I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme, and in wearing a bolder-than-usual-for-me lip color I'm not facing my phobias or conquering a life goal or even putting anything substantial at risk. But sometimes--like now--it's nice to run these little tests on myself, just to make sure I'm still paying attention. And maybe (maybe definitely) just to make sure everyone else is paying attention too.***
*It seems I habitually lose track of my hose inventory. I thought I had some tiny-weave (i.e., SUBTLE), black, full-length fishnets stockings, but it turns out that no, I do not, and of course I figured this out on Saturday night two minutes before we rushed out the door to the party. I did have some full-length, subtle, white fishnets (how that happened I have no idea), but the only black ones I could find were some wide-weave thigh-highs (i.e., drag-a-licious), which of course necessitated the garter belt. At least I can be thankful that this happened last weekend instead of when I was seven months pregnant, which is the last time I let my stocking inventory get the best of me, and I ended up wearing black over-the-knees with giant pink bows on the back (don't ask) to a pre-wedding reception for Simon's boss's daughter. It was on a boat, you might remember, and between trying not to keel over, barf, or expose the giant pink bows adorning my pregnant hamstrings, it was quite the circus. But at least I wasn't wearing a maternity garter belt too.
**Thankfully, now that I've been off the breast pump for a while,**** Simon no longer sings "Express Yourself" at me quite so often, which is a nice change.
***As for Simon, he is ALWAYS paying attention, and this just about sent him over the edge.
****Hey...so...what do you do with a toddler who shows absolutely no signs he's going to wean himself anytime this side of the apocalypse? Wait it out so long as it doesn't bother me? (I usually don't mind so long as he keeps his fingernails out of my flesh.) Or start "taking measures" and perfecting "evasive maneuvers" lest he be asking for "bitty" in front of the in-laws?
Oh my good golly, I LOVE this! Saw the link on twitter and just HAD to click over. Great blog! Yes, I love those friends who get my need to dye my hair black before going out to see New Moon, because I feel the vampire love and couldn't help myself! HA!
I love everything that's happening in this post.
p.s. You guys looked HOT for Holly's birthday party. Rock it, sister.
My 15-month-old son shows NO signs of weaning yet, either. I thought we had some signs last week (short nursing sessions, sucking his thumb instead of nursing) but no no no, that's all over with. I'm not pumping anymore, either, and have been wondering the same thing: just stop worrying about it as long as it doesn't bother me? So...this isn't helping you, is it...just saying, hey you're not the only one.
I just clicked through Holly's party photos and you, my dear, were TOO HOT FOR WORDS!
Amanda - you think that's too hot for words? You should've seen my view!
You're so freakin' cute it's, at times, unbearable.
(Somebody had to say it.)
I'm SO with you on the not-wanting-to-hear-that-I-sound-tired thing. Doesn't matter if it's meant well...there's just no gracious way to tell someone, "Gee, you look like hell."
Thanks, laydees. You are all invited over for champagne and hair-braiding.
Cate--And the worst? Is when someone says that and you're NOT EVEN TIRED! "You look tired." "You look like you're about to get punched in the face." (Except that I'm the least confrontational person on the planet so I ususally just blanch and mumble and walk away.)
Bitty! Bitty!
No, darling! You've already HAD bitty today! Right after you finished giving that Powerpoint presentation in your afternoon meeting, remember? Maybe you can have some more bitty after you do your tax return.
You and Simon know how to rock the hotness, fo' sho'.
Good luck with the weaning. I wanted to be done at 18 months and my little monster shows no sign of giving it up completely yet. Maybe when he's five?
Awesome post. You are so so cute. I'm with the letting it go, perspective on the nursing thing. In my head I'm never going to say "gee, I wish I'd weaned sooner" Instead more like... "Gee, I wish I was still nursing."
First of all - I totally feel you on the not feeling so comfortable wearing/putting on something new and a little bit "fancy" for work because of the comments (which are meant to be compliments but don't feel like it) that follow. AND, I totally feel you on doing it anyway.
Secondly, a friend was telling me she doesn't know what to do with her son who just turned one and doesn't like to be out in the snow (while it's all her three year old daughter wants to do). So I sent her the link to your video of Wombat and her only response?
"HOLY HOT FAMILY, BATMAN."
:)
Red lipstick, gah! I have never felt comfortable in red lipstick, so you go girl.
Nursing toddler? Go for the combo: wait it out as long as it doesn't bother you, and take him off the bitty and end the session if he pinches or bites.
Yes! I HATE "you look tired." Especially when I am, in fact well rested, just not wearing a pound of blush on my pasty pasty skin :(
I hate to tell you this, but I had one of those babies and now he's almost 4 and still nursing morning and evening (and any time in between he can get it, like today when we're snowed in and I had to get him to take a nap). I know, I'm a crazy hippy lady. If you're happy and he's happy, who cares what the in-laws think. If you don't want to right then, offer him a sippy cup and some cheerios and say, "No, Mama doesn't want to right now. Let's do something else - ooh, look at that shiny/ball/gorilla." Gradually you can cut down to just when you're home, or just bedtime, or whatever you want, and take it from there. But really, you can also tell your in-laws that the WHO recommends nursing on demand till they're 2 years old, so you're just giving their grandson the Very Best, as he deserves.
Christine--Just to be clear, my in-laws aren't actually giving me any grief about nursing. The joke was linked to a YouTube clip from the show "Little Britain," although I mistakenly linked to the one where the middle-aged man is breastfeeding in front of his girlfriend, not the one where he does it in front of the in-laws. (And then asks Grandma for "bitty" when is mom is all out!)
And yes, I'm definitely in control of the boobs around here; if I'm not in the mood, I have no problem saying, "No, darling, you just had bitty. We're not going to do that now." Wombat doesn't always take it very well, but hey, that's babies for ya.
I am in awe of your bold red lipstick. You totally pull it off, which is no small feat for the pale. When I wear it, I look like either a) a small child who got into her mother's cosmetic bag, or b) a lunatic who just ate an entire box of cherry popsicles. Basically: RED LIPSTICK: IM DOIN IT RONG.
(Oh, and I also get told I look "tired" at work. Or my favorite: "Are you feeling OK?" Yes, but I guess now I know I'm not looking OK. Thanks.)
You're one hot momma!
Is that still your XT? You keep cameras longer than I do!
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