Smart Is
Following Jonna's lead, I took the Jeopardy online test last night and well, let's just say I was onto something all those years I preferred to profess my prowess from the safety of the sofa rather than throw back the curtain and unmask myself as just an old humbug obscuring the truth behind fog and flames and an oversized forehead. To alter a favorite expression of my father's: Better to just tell people how smart you are than to take the Jeopardy online test and reveal the truth.
I made Simon take it too, and when we were done and comparing answers, he said he probably got about 80 percent correct, which I immediately shot down because I kept a tally of questions (answers?) that I know I got wrong for sure, and if I was only hitting 50 percent, there's no way he was at 80. And then he started talking about Linus Pauling and Corona and anacondas, and I suddenly remembered that he is actually way smarter than I am, and most definitely better able to perform under pressure, since he doesn't construct high-pressure vortexes of doom around every challenge.
When I was in seventh grade, I easily won the school spelling bee ("lioness"? you call that a winning word?), and when I went to the district bee a few weeks later I was positively puffed up with confidence because, for the first time in my bee career, I'd actually studied beforehand. And then I stood up during the first round and spelled "oncology" as quickly as I could (show off!), which meant it came out o-n-c-o-n-l-o-g-y, after which I was told to pack my bags, return to the house, and go home; I was no longer in the running to become America's Next Top Speller.
I didn't really think I'd do well enough on the Jeopardy test to become a contestant anyway--I do not know my presidents, I do not know my Bible, and I do not know my world capitals in a language that would be acceptable to the Jeopardy judging panel considering my ninth-grade geography class was taught entirely in German (which is helpful how, exactly, Mr. Soulia?)--not to mention that I'm still saving myself for my dream t.v. gig--doing a book review on Reading Rainbow!--and yet it was still kind of important that I do well on the test for some reason. If you asked me to identify that reason, I wouldn't be able to tell you what it was exactly, but proof of how Very Seriously I took it was evident in the spastic potty dance I was performing as I watched the countdown clock before the test began. (All West Coasters had to take the test at exactly 8 p.m. last night, and an onscreen timer ticked away to the automated start time, the last thirty seconds being the Jeopardy theme, which practically gave me an aneurysm.)
My first mistake was logging into the site forty minutes beforehand, which meant running to the bathroom to eke out a milimeter at least six times before the test started. Do you get that too? The Nervous Pees? Every play, every piano recital, every dance concert I ever performed in opened with a backstage prelude of me pretzeling my legs into Garudasana and quietly whistling a happy tune so no one would suspect I was on the verge of soiling my leotard. As soon as the play/recital/concert would start, of course, I'd be fine and dandy, and I knew the same thing would happen with the test as well. What I didn't anticipate, however, is that the Nervous Stupids I caught earlier in the day would persist throughout the test, causing me to answer "James Madison" to any question that had anything to do with government, history, or religion (wtf?).
I should have known this would happen, though. A few hours earlier I tweeted about how I would channel Jeopardy success through my grandma's neighbor Ken Burns, to which a few kind souls responded, "Ken Burns? The filmmaker? Or do you mean Ken Jennings?" Graaaaah.
In happier news, last night I was so turned around after the Jeopardy test that I skipped my usual bout of freelancing-to-blindness, and Simon and I watched a movie the way I've heard relaxed couples are often wont to do. We saw (500) Days of Summer, which looked so much like my favorite kind of movie that I was terrified I'd be disappointed (see also: Glee), and man, it was even better than I'd dared cautiously hope. I thought there'd be more singing and dancing (I always think there will be more singing and dancing, and not just in the movies), but I didn't count on it being so dang smart. Have you seen it? Did you love it? When it ended, did you mirthfully dissect the structure with your moviemate and then toy with the idea of starting it over again from the beginning, even though it was midnight? God, I'm such a sucker for a clever-but-not-too-clever film. Especially one that contains cute girls and period dress and handheld Super8 camerawork (or at least faked to look like that) and just enough visual jokes and obscure references (Summer called Tom "Werther"! I know who that is!) that I not only come out smarter for the experience, but I come out feeling smarter. Or at least smart enough to beat Ken Burns at Jeopardy, although, yeah, maybe not in the Film category.
Gotta ♥ Soulia. He's 1/4 of the reason I'm going for my PhD.
I loved 500 Days of Summer and yes, we spent quite a while deconstructing it as we walked home from the theater. I liked how it ended, but I didn't really like Zooey Deschanel's character very much - she was too far into the Manic Pixie Dream Girl realm for me.
I haven't had the nervous pees in years, but I do remember having them before ballet recitals when I was a kid.
Recently, I learned that Dan took the online Jeopardy test a couple of years ago, and did well enough that they emailed him to come to LA. Sadly, they wanted him to go the weekend of our wedding, so he didn't go (thankfully, he picked me over Jeopardy!) I hope he takes the test again and gets to go on sometime, because I think he could give Ken Burns (but perhaps not Ken Jennings) a run for his money.
Nervous pees!!! YES!!! I figure skated for most of my young adult life and I had one competition dress that I had to be sewn into to make certain the straps were secure (better than finishing a routine topless!) and EVERY SINGLE TIME I got sewn into that thing I'd have to get cut right back out to pee.
500 Days of Summer: I've had that recommended from a few unlikely sources now, so on the Netflix cue it goes!
I think Ken Burns would probably also beat you in the following categories: The Civil War, Baseball, Jazz, World War II and The National Parks.
Also maybe Thomas Jefferson, Lewis & Clark and New York City Landmarks.
Other than that, I'm sure you'd totally kick his ass.
Oh, yes, we watched (500) Days of Summer not long ago and I lurved it. Probably one of the top 3 movies I've seen in a long while. I think Zooey Deschanel is the bees' knees.
We liked 500 DOS a lot, but got the sneaking suspicion that I liked the soundtrack 70% and the plot/acting 30%. Maybe I should watch it again.
confession: I watched "Yes Man" because of Zooey Deschanel (serviceable)
I don't want to know how not-smart I am, so taking the Jeopardy exam isn't on my list. I prefer blurting out the 3-4 answers I know and gloating in my presumed superiority. :-)
We liked 500 DOS a lot, but I got the sneaking suspicion that I liked the soundtrack 70% and the plot/acting 30%. Maybe I should watch it again.
confession: I watched "Yes Man" because of Zooey Deschanel (serviceable)
I don't want to know how not-smart I am, so taking the Jeopardy exam isn't on my list. I prefer blurting out the 3-4 answers I know and gloating in my presumed superiority. :-)
I'm having trouble commenting - sorry if this gets posted multiple times.
We liked 500 DOS a lot, but got the sneaking suspicion that I liked the soundtrack 70% and the plot/acting 30%. Maybe I should watch it again.
confession: I watched "Yes Man" because of Zooey Deschanel (serviceable)
I don't want to know how not-smart I am, so taking the Jeopardy exam isn't on my list. I prefer blurting out the 3-4 answers I know and gloating in my presumed superiority. :-)
I loved (500) Days of Summer. Not least because I got to watch it at the cinema, in the dark with my little girl on my lap, surrounded by other mothers with kids. Sure there was a lot of breastfeeding going on and occasional crying and maybe I missed out a scene or two because I had to smell someone's diaper, but it was great.
OMG, the Nervous Pees! Sadly, I get them before BED at night. Isn't that insane? I must go at least three or four times before actually going to bed. Not every night, but often enough. ANNOYING.
I did the same thing with the school spelling bee - great speller, nailed the classroom bee...and then I got to the school-wide bee and got ousted for spelling ORCHARD wrong. Never lived that one down.
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Such a huge fan of Zooey! Did you see Zooey Deschanel is going to be hosting SNL after Channing Tatum in Feb? I wonder whether she'll say "guy humour" jokes like on the set of "new girl". Can't wait to see her dress at the Globe Awards, sounds like she was spotted with stylist Karla Welch on Tuesday night. She is going to be beautiful!!