Something to Talk About
So! Not pregnant! Or should I say NOT! PREGNANT! (At least according to the expired peestick I found under the bathroom sink, in the three-pack from whence came the Peestick of Infamy* and the Peestick of Relief, Take 1, but strangely not according to my period, which is still MIA.)
I also got a haircut today (I am a bastian of productivity! peeing on a stick! sitting in a chair while someone else does all the work!) and so am feeling overall very ready to conquer the world, or at least to complete a bunch of other projects that have been hanging over my head for far too long. Maybe I'll go crazy and finally get some lenses that actually match my prescription and frames that actually belong to this decade. Who knew so much could change in fashion eyewear in ten short years?
First on the agenda, though, is the BlogHer party tonight, which might not be as fun as I'd hoped considering I misunderstood the term "no-host bar" and am a cheap bastard, even going so far as to prevent other people from buying me drinks, including, and especially, Simon, who--don't let him fool you--is not just being generous but also trying to get you drunk enough to sit on his lap. (If you think he only does that with me, ask Will about last Tuesday and see what he says.)
If you're going to the BlogHer party, you'll know me by the gold patterned tights and sparkly shrug, the latter of which will either be received as (a) so fashion-backward it's fashion-forward, (b) charmingly retro, or (c) obviously something I bought ten years ago and have never worn but kept anyway because I knew it would come in handy one day, HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW, STACY AND CLINTON?
But can we talk about no-host bars for a second? Why is that term and its brethren--hosted bar, cash bar, open bar--so confusing? Is it because those terms are archaic and stupid? Is it because I'm stupid? Why can't they just say "bar that'll cost you" and "free drinks! woo!"? Why all the fancy codetalk? Is it to separate the pros from the amateurs?, in which case I'll have them know that my amateur status is more easily confirmed by my one-drink max.
Similarly, I used to get so confused about vacancy/no vacancy signs on hotels when I'd roadtrip with my family. I mean, what's NOT confusing about using a phrase with the word "no" in it to actually mean "yes, we have a room for you"? To whom should I address my letter of complaint? Even worse are the places that, in trying to be cute and quirky (or perhaps just transparent to the stupid people like me), have foregone the vacancy/no vacancy signs in favor of neon "Yes" or "No" signs. Talk about confusing! Because does "no" mean "no vacancy" or "no, there is no room at this inn"? Pick a standard, people! (And speaking of, why does the pediatrician measure Wombat's length/height in inches but his head circumference in centimeters? What does it all mean?!?!)
I suspect the problem is me, however, considering I remember standing slackjawed in the elementary school library on more than one occasion trying to figure out the reasoning behind the terms "fiction" and "nonfiction." To my eight-year-old brain, it just made sense that all the true stuff would be the base for the derivative fake stuff and not the other way around, and hence the base term should be X and the derivative non-X, instead of vice versa. Am I right? Whenever I get like this about anything (and it happens quite a lot), Simon's response is always, "Because that's the way it is." I hardly ever take that for a final answer, though, and keep asking, "But why? WHY is it that way?" which I think will prepare me very well for mothering a three-year-old. Either that or I'll drag Wombat with me into the twilight zone of trying to explain why the sky is blue and where babies come from to someone who can't even wipe his own butt.
And don't even get me started on inflammable.
*Unlike the ladies on those sparkly babydust message boards we all know and love, it only took one positive test to convince me I was pregnant. I definitely understand the allure of having the power to manifest such magic with one's urine, but again, I'm a cheap bastard and do you know how much those tests cost? More than a mixed drink, that's for sure.
Um, I read the vacancy bit about three times and I think you still have them mixed up . . .because, doesn't "no vacancy" and "no there is no room at this in" mean the same thing? I'm fairly sure they do. . . or maybe I just don't understand them either.
Don't feel bad. I totally had to Google "no-host bar" myself. I was like, What in the...
Also, I'm about to tell you the Saddest Story of the Day. I once did a reading at a public high school in San Jose. The librarian got up at the beginning to remind the kids that there are books! In the library! Like the one I was about to read!
But the big thing she wanted to reiterate was that "Non-Fiction" was not where they kept the novels. Novels were in the FICTION section. Non-Fiction were books that were TRUE.
I could barely go on after that. Sisyphus and all that.
I thought that no vacancy meant "sorry, dude, no rooms here. take her elsewhere" and vacancy meant "turn here, open beds available".
have i been wrong? and why was a hooker explanation the first one that popped to my mind?
Yeah, 'no vacancy' means no room. Why they don't just say that, though...
i had to read your vacancy / no vacancy paragraph three times, it was very confusing. it's easier than you think: vacancy means there are vacant (unoccupied) rooms available. no vacancy means no rooms. maybe that's what they should put on the signs: 'rooms!' or 'no rooms!'.
Thaw and unthaw, anyone? Aren't they the same? Perhaps "unthaw" is only used in my family and isn't a real word.
i agree with previous statements about the vacancy thing. i seriously read it about ten times...
but, my bff can't stand that when she orders tea here (in the south) that she gets the question, "sweet or unsweet?" it bugs her that she has to negate the sweet...
I'll jump on the bandwagon and agree with the comments that we think you have the vacancy thing backwards now.
I still, at 34, have to think the fiction/non-fiction thing through. I strangely have to think the phrase
"not not true" (which, of course equals "true") when making sure I'm correct on the meaning of non-fiction.
That really looks silly when I put it in writing,
As a southerner, I have to say that I think sweet should be the default. The negating should be the responsbility of the misguided soul who doesn't like their tea sweet :-).
Nice to meet you tonight!
Yeah I have to agree with the other commenters. Vacancy means there's a vacancy (ie. room at the inn) and no vacancy means there's not. I guess maybe when you were a kid you visited a motel that had the wrong sign up.
You are right about the non-fiction stuff (assuming that fiction is derivative of reality, which I guess it is). Maybe it should be real and non-real / unreal.
Hmm maybe you're pregnant again. What was Simon saying tonight about 'tempting fate'?
Wait, why didn't they just say 'cash-bar'? Is it because 'cash-bar' will automatically make people anti? Either way it's no secret that my favorite is OPEN-BAR.
OH MY GOD. Don't blog tired and in a giant hurry, kids! It will undo all of your life's work.
(Seriously, SO embarrassed. I do indeed know the difference between vacancy and no vacancy (for reals! I took Latin! I graduated college with a 4.0!) and now I just want to crawl under a rock and die.
Still jealous of your haircut! I tried to schedule one w/ my husband's guy for tomorrow but he's all booked up. I think my problem is more that I can't find anyone who I think is WORTH the $80 I always get charged for a haircut, hence the once every 6-8 months arrangement.
If you are shopping for glasses, I heartily recommend www.zennioptical.com Great quality and super cheap (like, under $20 a pop, easy.) AND you could order them from your computer and feel all productive-like without even leaving the house! (I swear, they don't pay me to say this shit, I just love them.)
Oh, don't feel bad. So confident was I in your intelligence that mid-way through this post I skipped to the comments because I knew you'd catch it. Ug, dude, we've all been there. But look! The internet has your back!
P.S. Wombat is like the cutest baby on earth for pete's sake. It's nuts how he gets cuter and cuter. How do you two stand it? Happy holidays!
I trained myself to think that "non-fiction" meant "not fiction." So, "not-fake." So, "true." I got it eventually. Luckily I now work in an academic library so I know all the fiction books are in the "PR section" (etc). Otherwise, it's all non-fiction. Yaawwwnnn. I am now going to fall asleep reading "fiction."
I have never heard the term "no-host bar", but I think that is a reflection on how many swanky parties I have been invited to in my life. The phrase itself makes sense, but the hyphen seems like it's in the wrong place. Shouldn't it be "no host-bar"?
What's confusing me this time of the year is the collecting of gifts for toy drives. They always say, "bring a new unwrapped toy," which always takes me a minute. If something is unwrapped, shouldn't it be wrapped first? I think "not wrapped" is more accurate, but having one word instead of two is simpler, and saying, "bring a new not wrapped toy" does sound wrong and confusing.
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