Put Down
For the past week or so, I've been hiding my hair in either a bun or a long side braid because at this point in the saga, my split ends and baby bangs and overall shapeless shag is not just pathetic but offensive, and frightening to sensitive children. The last time I got my hair cut, I was talking to the stylist about what I was going to wear for Halloween...while eight months pregnant. It's been more than a YEAR since anyone's done anything to my hair other than shrink from it in horror, and of course the more I let it go, the more worked up I get.
(My ridiculous anxiety actually has very little to do with getting my hair actually cut, but I sure do worry my fingernails off about everything else. I've mentioned before my terror in calling the salon to make an appointment in the first place. I worry about the snooty receptionist being able to hear my split ends through the phone. I worry about the snooty receptionist pulling up my file on her computer and seeing how long it's been since I was there last. I worry that in said computer file there's a note by my name indicating that I seriously undertipped my stylist (on accident!) last time, and that I should be banned for life from the salon. I worry that if I take in a picture of what I'd like my hair to look like I'll be judged by the celebrity I picked because I haven't yet found out how to make it absolutely clear that I don't want to BE Jenny McCarthy, I just want her hair. Even more than that, though, will it be obvious that I didn't cut the picture out of Vogue but the July issue of Parents?)
When we went out for karaoke a few weeks ago, I found myself in a similar spiral of escalating anxiety and sinking self-confidence. What if I pick a dumb song? Or what if it's not dumb in the cool way? (Could I have pulled off "Part of Your World" from The Little Mermaid?) What if I pick something someone sang before I got there? What if no one watches me? What if everyone watches me?
It's true that sometimes our anxiety about what others think is a projection/reflection of what we think about ourselves, i.e., if we don't like our own hair/clothes/body, that's what we're most sensitive about other people judging. Now, I'm not a self-conscious person by nature (anxious, oh hell yes, but not really self-conscious on the whole), but when I'm uncertain or judgmental toward myself, I definitely worry more about the judgment of others. There's a lesson in here somewhere, I'm sure of it, but today I don't want to delve and analyze but just give myself a good smack and tell myself to get over it already because, my god, you're thirty (and a half!) years old and you should be bigger than this. Sometime it's a wonder I can even live with me.
I've got a few years on you and I'm still not bigger than this. Maybe when we're ninety?
....oh my god, I'm NEVER ever doing karaoke! It's always made me anxious (I've never even tried it), but now I know there's even more to worry about than I ever imagined!
For real though, I am a weird mix of very confident and totally anxious/self conscious. I hate how much time I waste thinking about others' perceptions of me, but so far have not figured out how to stop myself!
I think that's why Simon and Superman make perfect partners for us. (Or at least, from what little I know of Simon.) As in, completely un-anxious in pretty much every way to the point that it kind of makes us anxious because that CAN'T be NORMAL. =)
I think that's why Simon and Superman make perfect partners for us. (Or at least, from what little I know of Simon.) As in, completely un-anxious in pretty much every way to the point that it kind of makes us anxious because that CAN'T be NORMAL. =)
I am continually telling Phil exactly what he is thinking about me at any given moment. Throughout the day, I tell him that he thinks I'm fat, he thinks my hair looks stupid, he wishes I'd shut up, and that he actually secretly hates me.
I am pretty sure he wishes I would stop doing that.
Maybe Simon could call and make the appointment for you. I have phone anxiety in general, and dread dialing everyone except my mother. My husband often has to dial the phone and hand it to me so I don't end up going weeks without calling my friends.
Sometimes we just need a little shove.
One of the main reasons I selected the salon I go to to get my hair cut is because they will let me email someone to make appointments. I don't actually have to talk to anyone. It doesn't help with the being paranoid that they have remarks in there (she doesn't come in often enough and doesn't style her hair EVER), but at least I don't have to imagine that I'm hearing the judgment in their voices.
nah.. what's worse if that i decided that i should get mine cut when i was only a few weeks postpartum. totally sleep deprived.. i ended up with a horrible cut because i couldn't describe to the stylist at all what i wanted because i just couldn't think.
so really waiting.. is a good thing!
Susie--It's not so bad if you can do it in a TOTALLY CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT.
Beck--Exactly. What is WRONG with them?!
TJ--I do that too. man, we're annoying! :)
Olivia--Simon makes calls for me all the time, to the point that it's totally embarrassing and really kind of pathetic. He'll even call my own parents for me! (Not that I'm anxious about talking to them but that I just really hate the phone that much.) I figure the least I can do is make my own hair appointment (especially if I'm going to get BANGS, which he HATES), and really, I'm thirty years old--I should be able to make my own hair appointment, no?
Becky--I think every business should offer email consultation--salons, doctors offices, everything.
Andrea--I've definitely heard of the dreaded postpartum haircut (usually people cut it all off, right?), but at 11 mo. post-baby, I think I'm in the safe zone. I've been psyching myself up for this haircut for the last three months at least; that's hardly being rash. :)
But you'll feel SOOOO GOOOOD after the haircut - just keep that in mind & hopefully you'll be able to psych yourself up enough to get through the other parts...
I also hate the phone. HATE. Hate calling for work, hate calling for personal appointments, hate even talking to friends & family on the phone. I like in-person or email. Alexander Graham Bell can suck it.
wrote you wrote completely resonates with me. i have an upcoming hair cut and it took me months to make the appointment, and i will probably be anxious about it till it is over (do you go into the salon with crappy hair to prove your point? do you DO your hair in order to show there is hope? what if the picture you bring in is lame? what if you don't speak up and they start cutting and blah blah blah). glad i am not alone in my ridiculousness :)
I find all of this so endearing, I can't even tell you. I have the same sorts of anxieties -- not self-consciousness, no, you're right -- but anxiety. But yours are so much ... cuter when written down.
(I'm sorry. It's ENDEARING.)
I find all of this so endearing, I can't even tell you. I have the same sorts of anxieties -- not self-consciousness, no, you're right -- but anxiety. But yours are so much ... cuter when written down.
(I'm sorry. It's ENDEARING.)
You're sweet. I find it MADDENING.
Isn't it lovely to think, "You know, there's a lesson in here. And right now? I DON'T FUCKING CARE." And then you go do something else.
If you ever find the cranial off switch, please do let me know where it is.
I'm just happy to see that I am not the only person with phone anxiety. I've been told for years that I am very weird, and it's just the phone, gah! It's nice to know I'm not alone.
I am the exact same way about the salon...
I just realize it's been 7 months since I had my (subtle) highlights done...
One good thing: I did find a salon in Seattle that is just 1 woman running it/cutting/answering the phone...so it 'feels less weird' for me to show up after 7 months (and she never chastises me for cutting my own hair...)
Speaking about tipping I remember a twitter who tweeted about a celebrity forgetting to pay for the bill and got fired!
WE all have our anxieties. Any person who doesn't have it, is probably not human.Go to the salon, face your worry. After that give them some hair tossing.
Wow! They are really good at it. Are there other ways we have to check this out?