You Are My Whining Star
Wombat goes for his nine-month well-baby checkup and immunizations (and flu shot?!) bright and early tomorrow morning, and it will be his first visit to the pediatrician in three months. The last time they saw him, he had no teeth, he wasn't crawling or pulling up to stand, and he most definitely wasn't saying "mama," or even "eh!," which we've recently discovered means Eve, the cat. He was long and lean even then, in June, but nothing compared to what he is now; by my calculations he's as tall as the average thirteen-month-old but with the svelte poundage of a puny little seven-monther. His belly still fits into one pair of pants marked 3 mo., but they've transformed from slacks into clamdiggers.
Ninety-fifth percentile for height and twentieth for weight...it's niggling at the back of my mind as a potential problem, but because he eats well and certainly doesn't lack for energy, I'm not too concerned, just too used to wringing my hands, I guess, and this is the most convenient target at present. What I'm actually nervous about--and what I'm embarrassed to admit--is how much I want Wombat to perform his full act of tricks to impress the doctor tomorrow because hi, my name is Leah (but not really), and I'm an approval junky.
For someone who lived report card to report card until she was twenty-two, it's been a long time since I've had the thrill of showing off to a professional how well I measure up to a standard, and seeing as how Wombat's checkups are the only chance I have to see my accomplishments noted and charted in some kind of official manner (and yes, I know they're not really my accomplishments), it's kind of a big deal (she says knowing full well that doctor checkups are about health and well-being and not about my infant hucking a backflip off the exam table and finishing in a flourish of jazz hands to the delight of the reception staff who gathered at the door to witness my magnificent spawn perform his one-kid circus). (Or, you know, I just want him to be able to show the doctor he can sit up while holding a toy in each hand, and maybe he'll even try to crawl a little.)
In a nutshell, my worst fear about the appointment tomorrow is that Wombat will go senseless and boneless and the doctor will pat me gently on the head while reassuring me that she totally believes he can do all the wonderful things I say he can do, yes even the backflip. Ugh, right? God forbid I have something to actually worry about. I guess this is what happens when you have a healthy kid *knock on wood*: You sweat the stupid stuff and make yourself sound like a total dick. Same reason why there are people starving in Africa while we first-worlders have a team of technicians hard at work perfecting no-clump mascara. Total dicks, all of us!
With tongue firmly in cheek and knuckles rapid-fire knocking on the nearest redwood, however, I will say that there's one bit of behavior I don't want Wombat showing off tomorrow, and that's his advanced-for-his-age grasp of whining like a whiny little brat, or should I say whiiiiiiiiining. You have the terrible twos? We have the terrible two-thirds. I love ya, kid, but catfood is for cats, and you're not going to change my mind on this one so put down the kibble and back away and no one will get hurt. Except my ears because, oh lord, the whiiii-hiiiii-hiiiiiining!
You'd think that after listening to such abject misery and despair for the last month, the worst way to spend my free time would be editing together clips of my son whining. In truth, putting the following piece together is one of the things that saved my sanity this week, since it turns something truly awful into something silly and even a little bit endearing (which, trust me, in real life IT IS NOT). There's a life lesson in this, isn't there?
Heh. Totally know where you're coming from on the approval junkie front. But I've given up hoping my Squidgey will perform on cue. He was at the dr. almost monthly for weight checks up to 12 mos and every. single. time. he would go all deer in headlights the second the dr. came in. I'm pretty sure the dr. thinks I'm delusional. "No, he can clap, I swear! and make the 't' sound, really!"
I just watched that video with my son next to me (he was coincidentally born on the same day as Wombat, they're practically twins!). His lip quivered and he started to get two big tears in his eyes while he watched when he heard Wombat fussing. He must have been thinking "I know how you feel buddy!" Too funny!
Wombat is quite the performer, how he throws his head down hides his face comes up to look around to see if anyone is looking and then back down. Oh the despair.
He's just one back-of-hand-against-forehead away from drama class, this kid. Bless.
I'm a speech therapy student and I evaluate speech and language of little kids all the time at the children's hospital. Kids NEVER talk or play extensively when they're in a doctor's office so we really, truly believe parents when they say kids can do things that we aren't seeing in the office. I don't think I've ever heard a kid say a single word for me when the parent asks him/her to. Don't worry! Wombat doesn't have to perform - if you tell the Doc Wombat crawls, you'll get a big shiny gold star. If he whines, that's great too - really!
Ha ha! I love the dramatic throwing back of the head. Woe! Wooooooe! I played the video and K came running to watch and H speed crawled over and proceeded to shout periodically as she watched. On second thought, I probably shouldn't have let her observe his technique. =)
I have to say... I felt the same way as you with my kids. I would be so proud of them (still am) and all they could do and the DR visit was like my time to let them shine and show off and leave the DRs wondering how I could be any more of a fantastic mother... little did I know that on command neither of my kids did what I needed/wanted to them to do and acted up and out and I was left wondering if the DR was going to say to me about my kids. But the best part is that I know what they can do and now that they are older, I am better at not hoping for them to do it in front of the DR or others, sure that would be nice, don't get me wrong, make me look good, but it is okay if it only happens at my house too!
Good luck, I look forward to seeing how grown up Wombat is!
You may be trying your hardest to convince me otherwise, but it's not working. He's the bee's knees, and I wants one.
Achievement unlocked!
WOE!! Adorable WOE!
My cat does this all the time. Whine in the most dramatic, pained way. Nothing's wrong, he just wants attention and he wants it NOW.
I can barely take it when the cat does it, I don't know if I could handle a human child. It's cute and funny to watch yours but I highly doubt I would find it amusing if I had to listen to it all day, every day. You get a gold star from me.
brilliant. absolutely brilliant. i grinned and smiled all the way through --just want to hug and hug and hug him. genius photography and music--and kid!!!!!!
We've added rigid back flailing tantrums to the whining in the last couple of week...so fun! (Not!) Favorite no-no's at our house include the flour, sugar cupboard, curling iron drawer and climbing into the dishwasher. Jack is currently ripping apart the newspaper and as soon as I turned around to see what he was doing, he gave a gleeful shout and promptly shook that paper like he just don't care, and then, you know, tried to eat it. I guess I better go parent.
OK, I know it's only hilarious because I can make it stop by hitting the pause button, but OH, THE DRAMA! I especially loved the moment where he hung his head, because it was all clearly TOO MUCH TO HANDLE OH MAH GAAAAAAH. Hee! What a delicious little guy.
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