Let It Be
Overall, I'm actually pretty laid-back about when the baby's coming. (It's the "he's coming soon!"/"no he's not!" discord that bugs me.) From the very beginning, I've been calling the due date a vague "mid-December," refusing to glom onto an exact calendar day because (a) it's hardly reliable and (b) if I put too much faith in it I'm likely to get intolerably cranky the moment the minute hand ticks to overdue. Sure, there's the whole I'd-like-to-avoid-giving-birth-on-Christmas thing, and the whole my-parents-have-their-flights-booked-already-and-I'd-really-like-them-to-spend-time-with-their-first-grandchild-rather-than-their-enormously-pregnant-and-cranky-firstborn thing, but overall I really do know that things will happen in their own good time and there's not a lot I can do about it. (Not that I won't try, mind you!)
Sure, I'm getting more uncomfortable by the hour (why do my inner thighs hurt like I've been using a Thighmaster?), and sure, we consider ourselves As Ready As We'll Ever Be (despite the fact that we still haven't packed the hospital bag or installed the carseat or laundered the 0-3 onesies or contacted our potential pediatrician), but I'm nowhere near miserable or desperate or focused only on getting this baby OUT OUT OUT as soon as possible. I still have a week of work left, and although my coworkers are probably looking forward to getting rid of me (I had an eensy-weensy meltdown yesterday in which I publicly and in writing threatened to beat up the next person who let the conference door slam behind them), I still have plenty to keep me occupied between now and whenever Wombat makes his grande entrée. Wondering when, exactly, that will be is not so much a consuming fixation as casual mental thumb-twiddling.
Another thing I think about a lot is how great it will be to finally get back out into the world again and DO SOMETHING. Between the thigh pain, the back pain, and the general fatigue, it's hard to commit to any activity that isn't absolutely necessary (e.g., going to Target to buy maxi pads and Dermaplast; not exactly an adventure), and although the general consensus seems to be that for the first few months after the baby's born I will be mostly housebound by newborn-induced exhaustion, I still have hope that it will be at least a little better than this current state of being housebound by pregnancy-induced exhaustion. Not carrying around thirty extra pounds, not having a backache, not spending eight hours a day in an office...well, the postpartum period seems like a technicolor wonderland over the rainbow, even though I know, intellectually, that there will be plenty of new miseries to endure: a body compromised in new! and different! ways + lack of sleep + identity crisis + horrors yet unimagined, all conspiring against my fantasies of leisurely walks along the lake and Sunday-morning bagel dates and bellying up to the sushi bar, all with baby in tow.
Up until a heavy fog rolled in yesterday afternon, we were in one of our famous Bay Area fall heatwaves, and the 80-degree weather was certainly contributing to my hope that the baby show up sooner rather than later. It sure would be nice if it were warm enough after his birth to occasionally unswaddle him and actually see his bare skin before it grows its first teenage stubble. That's one of the things I'm most afraid of about having a baby in the house, and why I'm eager to take him out of it as often as possible--it's COLD at home in the winter. The only heat sources we have are space heaters (which either (a) do nothing or (b) melt off your eyelashes) and the gas fireplace, which is lovely and ambiancey but also in the North-facing (i.e., dark and gloomy) living room, where there is NO TV. What am I going to do all day stuck in a room with no TV?! I assume I can gaze in lovestruck wonder at my son for so only long, but then maybe I'm underestimating myself and/or him?
But of course I'll have plenty to do without a TV. One of my many delusions is that I'll be bored a lot of the time at home with an infant and will therefore have plenty of opportunity to accomplish all the projects I haven't been able to complete (or start) while working a full-time job. Notice, however, that I use the word "delusion." I know I'm fooling myself in thinking I'll have copious free-time with a newborn in my life. I know I'll be not just physically compromised but mentally and emotionally compromised as well. I know there will be days I'll wish I had the luxury of an office job with a set start and end time and responsibilities that don't compare to the burden of keeping another human alive. And yet...why shouldn't I be able to download podcasts to help me brush up on my French while I'm stuck in the TV-less living room in front of the fire with a baby attached to my boob? Why shouldn't I be able to tidy the kitchen during one of the baby's naps? (I assume he'll sleep at least some of the time.) Why shouldn't I be able to reorganize the filing cabinet while I jiggle the baby in his bouncy seat and he gums his delicious fingers? Is this the crazy talk of a crazy woman? At the very least, this will give me a good laugh when I reread it a month or two from now. A good laugh or a good cry.
It never hurts to hope!
Our posts are identical, although yours is written better than mine.
Let's keep our chins up!
All of that sounds perfectly reasonable, which probably just means I'll be in for a giant shock someday myself.
"Why shouldn't I be able to reorganize the filing cabinet while I jiggle the baby in his bouncy seat and he gums his delicious fingers?"
You could. But I have a feeling you'll be too busy eating his toes to organize the filing cabinet.
Hah! You are so completely right about the space heaters. We got one of those room radiator thingys which take longer to heat up but are good for keeping a room a somewhat consistent temperature through out the day. Though they do suck electricity.
As I was reading, all I kept picturing was a post several months in the future, with just "HA!" linked to this post...
Although, I don't have kids yet so what do I know.
dude! you can totally do it all. just strap that baby to your body and voila! i think you will be surprised by how much you ca accomplish those first few weeks/months. i know i was. BOTH times. thinking of you, mama. i know how much the end sucks! xo!
Oh well I applaud people who can get anything done with an infant at home. I could barely get ONE load of laundry done. Of course I also slept literally every second he was sleeping, which fortunately for me, was a lot. I did watch an entire season of Gilmore Girls though, while breastfeeding. Good luck...these last few weeks are exhausting.
Oh well I applaud people who can get anything done with an infant at home. I could barely get ONE load of laundry done. Of course I also slept literally every second he was sleeping, which fortunately for me, was a lot. I did watch an entire season of Gilmore Girls though, while breastfeeding. Good luck...these last few weeks are exhausting.
Um, I hate to tell you that the extra weight, it just moves. You'll be carrying Wombat, a car seat, and some type of diaper bag. It all adds up really quick.
I often wonder the same thing, you know. Maybe a chorus of people who actually have children will mutter "you just wait" in that knowing way when they read this, but I do wonder for instance why people lament that they can't have a shower when they have a baby. Surely when the baby is small and immobile, they sleep for long enough for mum to have a shower? Or you can plonk them on the bathroom floor in their bouncy chair or similar?
Anyway, the impending arrival of Wombat is most exciting for you! I hope he makes an entrance in time to meet his grandparents.
The first week, the baby will sleep so much that you will be tempted to wake him up just to be able to interact a little. DON'T DO IT! Enjoy, relax and sleep as much as you can. For it is written in the stars that after that blessed first week, and you'll find yourself staring at your toothbrush with the toothpaste already applied sitting by the bathroom sink at around 5PM and you will wonder where the day has gone.
Here is a little known secret: babies eat time much like "The Langoliers" in Stephen Kings short story. Except they (the babies) are waaaaay cuter than the made for TV Langoliers were.
Once you and Wombat get into your mommy-baby rhythm, you will be able to tackle a few projects plus the immense (IMMENSE!!!!) loads of laundry he will produce. Just put him in the sling and go for it.
Oh sure, you can get plenty done while the baby sleeps. But you know what I did during the early months while my babies were sleeping? Cuddled up with them and went to sleep, watched tv, read a magagzine... I am unable to put down a snuggly, sleeping infant. Plus, they smell SO GOOD.
here's a secret: the early days, while not entirely full of SLEEP, are actually the EASIEST. think about it. you don't have to worry about doing anything other than feeding, changing and cuddling, for the most part. once they start moving and talking and demanding...that's when it gets hard!!!
good thing you at least have the idea that you might just be delusional thinking about all that spare time you're gonna have, but it disappears just like Bumbling said.
however it's the best time ever!
While they do sleep a lot in those first few weeks, unless you're really lucky they tend to sleep exclusively on you the entire time. Unless you're a demon at one-handed activities you might want to just sit back, enjoy it and up that Netflix subscription!!
nBO4XE