(Welcome to the) World Tour
Tonight we go for our hospital tour, and although we were tempted to show up for the one conducted entirely in Cantonese, we figured this is probably among the Life Events we shouldn't turn into too much of a joke . Plus, I don't know how to say "the good drugs" in any language other than English.
We actually tried to take a tour on Saturday--we were in the neighborhood, so we stopped in to see if they'd give us an unscheduled private showing (NO)--and when we walked up to the front desk (which did not have a receptionist but a team of beefy security guards), Simon pulled a classic Simon by asking not whether we could get a L&D tour but "Where do we go to have a baby?"
I don't know about you, but if I worked the front desk/command center of a hospital, that's not the sort of thing I'd be able to hear without getting a little jolt of adrenaline. Sure, they're used to dealing with emergencies*, but still, it's not the sort of comment to take (or make) lightly, am I right? So I, being the responsible one, was quick to clarify that we weren't actually going to have a baby right then and there, thank god, and we just wanted to know about the tours.
Don't tell Simon, but I always feel a little bit bad when I stifle these kinds of jokes (which is quite often). What a killjoy I am to deprive him of something that makes him so very, very happy: making other people uncomfortable. When we were at a wedding a few weeks ago, the hippy minister/officiant-type person came over to congratulate us on our impending arrival and Simon said, "Oh, that? Honey, are you telling people your tumor is a baby again?" which of course HORRIFIED the poor man and made him stammer and shake for the longest three seconds of his life before I smacked Simon upside the head and assured the kind fellow that we were indeed having a baby and not a precious little neoplasm. He does this sort of thing as often as he can.
I am glad, however, that Simon has a sense of humor, if a sometimes inappropriate and obnoxious one. My ex's mom didn't have the brain mechanism to process sarcasm, and boy what a pain in the butt that was. She took everything anyone said at face value, which caused an awful lot of misunderstanding and hurt feelings. I hope our son doesn't have that problem or he and his dad are going to have some major issues. On that point alone, it was a good thing I didn't have a child with That Other Guy and risk my boy inheriting the Humorlessness gene. So many things to add to my Thanksgiving list this year...
*My nurse mom was just telling me about a woman who came in the front door of her (my mom's) hospital and just about had her baby right there in the lobby on the nice carpet. She (the woman) was apparently on all fours and ready to go, and as my mom told it, "someone had to check her" to see how far along in labor she was, and guess who that lucky person was? On the one hand, having been a nurse for more than thirty years, she (my mom) should be used to it. On the other hand, having graduated to mostly administrative duties this far along in her career, doing a cervical check in the lobby wasn't the sort of thing she thought she'd be doing when she put on her white coat that day. And I complain about my office job when the internet is down for five minutes...
My freshman roommate in college couldn't process sarcasm, and it created a very tense, quite and uncomfortable freshman year. Glad Simon amuses you, and just don't stifle him completely. The rest will sort itself out.
A friend of mine had a baby in July - it was a few weeks earlier than expected, so after driving herself aaaaaaaall the way to the hospital (her husband was out of town), she walked into the emergency room and shouted, "I'M HAVING A BABY!" She said the place swung into action, so I'm glad they weren't so laid back about it as the security guards you met seemed to be. Man, I'd be PISSED if I was in labor and everyone acted that casual about it. I want hysterics! And drama! And someone yelling for towels and twine and a pot of boiling water!
The second to last sentence did me in. (The one with the cervical check.) Also, one of my current roommates is somewhat missing the sarcastic gene, and there have already been some tense moments before I yell "Joke!"
I love that I just recently learned what a dangling participle is, it makes reading certain paragraphs so entertaining :)
My Dad is always telling me that sarcacsm is my "spiritual gift". You can see who I inherited it from.
I really dig Simon's style. That baby/tumor line caused an ell-oh-ell around these parts. ;)
i hear you. my fiance gets the same sense of glee over watching someone not know how to respond. i don't have this 'must torment' gene and often feel like i have to rescue the poor confused soul on the other end of the conversation. why is it fun to make someone else look like a jackass? doesn't that sort of make YOU the jackass? anyway....i'm glad i'm not alone!
It sounds like you two will be laughing your way through labour (well, as much as is possible). So excited for you that you're nearly there!
(oh, and I just read your latest Work It Mom post and am still picking my jaw up off the floor. I had no idea how crazy things were there, healthcare-wise. My employer pays for 100% of mine and I am now thinking I should get knocked up now while it's free...)
Hey, you're getting REAL close. I too am treated much like a ticking bomb these days as I am rounding 34 weeks. I sneezed and something inside me went terribly wrong the other day and when I finally picked my head up I had both of my sisters standing over me like, "is it time, where's your bag, should we start the car, who do we call?"
Oh, and good call On Emily's hospital bag suggestions!
Your hubby sounds like someone I'd like to have around for my own, personal amusement. Maybe I'll take him along with your child :) Good luck on the tour!