Winding Down
I'm exhausted. The weekend couldn't have been more pleasant and relaxing, and I can't even count how many times I was told to "Sit down!" and "Have a glass of milk!" but still, I'm exhausted. Can't keep my mind focused or my eyes open or the strength of will to get out of bed at a respectable hour. (Yesterday I finally made it to work by 11:30. Operation "Show that Pregnancy Doesn't Affect My Work Habits" = FAIL.) But the weekend itself was perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect. The baby shower was divine, the company of our moms for three straight days was a true gift, and I'm increasingly overwhelmed by how much love and support will greet this kid when he arrives.
And we are SO ready to meet this kid. I hope the structure of anticipation is built like a ramp--just getting more and more intense until we finally reach the pinnacle of his birth--and not built like a circle, where we go from excited to more excited to MORE excited to can't-think-straight excited, but then eventually find ourselves at the original starting point where we're all "Baby? Meh" or perhaps we forget about him altogether. Is that why babies kick and jiggle and roll in the womb? So we don't forget about them in the final months? (I want to note that it was extremely gratifying that when Wombat was awake our moms could see my belly shift and shake from across the room--finally some validation after all these months of Simon saying "I can't SEE anything; just let me feel it." The better to keep his eyes on MSNBC, methinks.)
I'm still having a good number of contractions, but I'm feeling even more relaxed about them than I was last week. The trick to controlling them seems to be Don't Do Anything, and I'm embracing that wholeheartedly. The most strenuous thing I did all weekend was pack suitcases to come home, and even that was more mentally trying than it was physically. We flew down with all of our clothes in one big suitcase and then brought another big one and a carry-on completely empty in anticipation of baby goods, and boy howdy, we were not disappointed.
We got a lot of random stuff (some of it too cute to stand, i.e., it will be returned from whence it came) but we also got a lot of stuff we'd actually registered for, which was awesome. Registries, unlike circumcision, are something I feel VERY strongly about, and even though I'll admit it's a little less exiting and personal to open up the Dr. Brown's bottle gift set than something picked out especially for us by the giver, I still think that registries are the way to go. If someone has a registry for something, use it (unless you're the crafty type into making gifts, which is a whole different story).
Last night we unpacked everything and separated everything (toys, books, blankets, accessories, and clothing by size), and then added it to the things we already have. And OH MY GOD. We have SO much stuff. TOO much stuff. Except...we still need more, although certainly not clothes. At this rate, Wombat won't need to wear the same thing twice. Although...now that I think about it, that would mean I never have to do laundry, right? Cool!
Of course, we're really in no danger of forgetting about the baby. The paperwork alone is piling up in an ever steeper ramp of despair ($1000 a month for health insurance for three relatively young, healthy people? WTF, America?!) and the days between Now and Then are dwindling. I'm having dreams about breastfeeding (kittens, but same/same, right?) and we're as settled as could be on a first name. (I'm open to changing it if he comes out looking like someone else.) We're no longer counting up (21 weeks...22 weeks...) but counting down (10 weeks...9 weeks...). So here we are, 31.5 weeks, with 23 percent, 8.5 weeks, 61 days to go. And enough clothes to clad quints.
I concur about the registry.
Now that we've reached three months, she's fitting six month clothes for which we've realized... we have none!
Much love to Wombat.
registries are great. . . whenever i get invited to a wedding or something now i can just go online, look for the first thing in my price range, pay for it, pay for shipping, and i'm done. . . i think the last wedding i got invited to i bought the couple a $100 pillowcase. . . no idea why they wanted a single pillowcase that cost $100, but i didn't care - they asked, and they received. . .
Ok, I've never commented before...but last week I totally had a dream where I was breastfeeding kittens! Seemed totally natural, didn't it?
I pay over $1200 for one relatively healthy 39 year old. WTF America indeed! Too much wrong all on one topic.
I can't believe there are several of us who have had dreams about breastfeeding kittens. I totally had that dream a couple of weeks ago...they were twin orange kittens. A little weird, especially considering I don't even have a cat. With only three days to go until the big due date, I would think I would be having tons of dreams about baby, but oddly enough, nothing.
Dream-breastfeeders of kittens unite! (The ones in my dreams have been orange too, although that may have something to do with the little bastard who sleeps (on my belly!) at night.)
You should think twice for saying quints with such absentmindedness....a lady here whose father is a twin just gave birth to four babies.....no fertility drugs....just wow, look?
Can I just whine about registry for a minute? 'Cause we put one together--an extremely considered, judicious, minimal, un-plastic, expensive-but-not-exorbitant one--which nobody has actually shopped from. It seems everyone wants to buy you whatever THEY found useful or cute, regardless of whether YOU find it useful or cute...
I don't want to be ungrateful--and I'm not, really. We need crap, and people are getting us crap, and goshdarnit, that's just great. But (whine) I spent so much time deliberating... and coveting...
Just suggesting from experience: if you are going to attempt breastfeeding and then later give pumped bottles of milk or formula, do not open that Dr. Brown's gift set yet. If it turns out that wombat is picky and does not like that bottle type after being used to the breast, you are stuck with them.
I myself confidently chose Born-Free BPA-free plastics only to find I used them barely at all. First, we were supplementing with formula while trying to establish breastfeeding and the lactation consultant recommended Dr. Brown's nipples as most like the flow of breasts. Dr. Brown's nipples do not fit on the wide-mouth Born-Frees, so an entirely new set of bottles was purchased (in addition to extra sets of medelas for pumping-at least DB nipples fit, and I later discovered that I could pump into DB bottles).
Later, once breastfeeding was established and we were ready to re-introduce the bottle, we found our Squidge to be quite reluctant. In desperation, I tried every single bottle and nipple type out there (including ones shaped like actual boobs), and Squidge settled on the Platex with latex nipples. So basically, I'm now stuck with several Born-Frees from a gift pack, an Avent, a First-Years, three Dr. Browns, all the medelas now that I've quit pumping, and multiple nipple types. I wish I'd kept those Born-Frees boxed up so that I could now exchange them for other stuff we need.
The Constant C--Yeah, my problem is that I look at products in terms of their relative monetary value instead of just as "stuff." If someone gives me something nice but not really something I would have bought myself, I can't help but think "That would buy a box of diapers" or "I'd rather have a few good board books instead of this stupid wipe warmer." Like you said, though, it's hard to be too snippy and ungrateful when, really, people are doing the best they can and all with only the best intentions. Nevertheless, I think registries are the happy medium between (a) people just buying whatever they want or (b) gift cards.
Books--On one of our trips to the baby superstore, we found out all about the different kinds of nipples and bottles and what works with what pumps, etc. etc. Had Simon not asked the saleslady to explain it all to us, we would have been totally screwed. I do think, though, that a certain amount of trial and error is inevitable when dealing with stuff like that; you never know how baby's going to react to a lot of things--bottles, nipples, diapers, wipes, shampoo, slings, swings, bouncers, rockers...That's why we've tried to borrow as much reusable gear as possible. If Wombat ends up hating the bouncer/swing/rocker, at least we haven't wasted a bunch of money on it. I don't know what we'd do without generous friends.
I respectfully yet strongly disagree about the registry thing. I always felt terrible creating them -- demanding and spoiled. And I often feel disingenuous in shopping from them. I loved the crazy random stuff people gave us that we didn't register for... maybe not our taste, but picked for us specially by the giver and thus imbued with sentimental value (well, except for the occasional suspected re-gift). And it makes showers more interesting, not all forced and "oh, the Playtex Diaper Genie II refill pack, I love it!" More personal or something. And getting the stuff we needed was nice, defraying expenses and all, but the only satisfaction I felt from having waited SO DAMN LONG to get married and reproduce was that, thankfully, we could actually afford the stuff we truly needed (unlike myriad cousins who get married at 19, have 3 kids by 24, and expect family/society at large to furnish their house and clothe their kids via registry fulfillment). It's a modicum of solace (when your cousins all got married/reproduced decades earlier than you did) to be able to say "we're two responsible employed adults ready for a kid, both emotionally and financially, so if you are inclined to give us a gift we are touched/thankful rather than needy/greedy." (Yes, we have some residual irritation about this issue... I mean, we always want to say to the registry-fanatic cousins: "If you actually NEED the registry stuff to afford the kid, should you be having one?") Just thought I'd point out the opposite end of the registry-recipient spectrum, for those deprived of the joy of having highly fertile Southern cousins to observe. But congrats on the celebratory weekend! Registered or not, showers are always such a sweet reminder of how much you are loved and cared for.
Oh, I have a ton of those cousins too. Mormons, remember.
I don't think registries are greedy, because it's not like their existence is the only reason people buy gifts for weddings/showers/etc. Registry or not, people are going to buy things, even if you tell them "no gifts, please," so why not help everyone out by giving them not only suggestions but also the satisfaction of knowing that their gift will be liked and kept and used? Myself, I like knowing that when I've bought something from a registry I've spent my money well and know that the recipient will love and actually USE what I've given, not just appreciate the nice thought and then throw the gift in a drawer or regift it. Sure, a set of towels might not be very "special," but if I'm going to a bridal shower for the nineteen-year-old cousin I haven't seen since I was six, chances are pretty low that I'd be able to pick out an appropriate "personal" gift for her.
I guess in my mind I just think that the gift should be about pleasing the recipient, not about the giver having fun shopping for something to her own taste. And as a giftee myself, I can tell you that a "thank you" for a DiaperGenie II refill pack would be a lot more enthusiastic and sincere than a "thank you" for a gross little onesie that I'll never use and then feel bad about not using. I guess it all just depends on your philosophy about gifts in general. (In my family, we prepare lists at Christmas so that everyone gets something he or she wants instead of something random because no one could think of anything good that year. Different strokes...)
I do agree, though, that there can definitely be an element of registry greediness for some people, but I think that has everything to do with a couple's expectations and attitude rather than the fact that they'd set up a registry in the first place. I, for one, was completely embarrassed to set up a registry and to share the info with anyone, but I'm also SO glad we have it or who knows what we would have ended up with and what kind of stress we would have created for the people who were so lovely and generous to consider buying us gifts in the first place.
(All that said, there are plenty of times I've ignored registries, but usually because I know the recipient well enough to pick out something special. Simon actually handmade a gift for the wedding we're attending next weekend, and those sorts of things are, I think, an exception that everyone would agree with.)
See, I told you this was something I felt VERY strongly about! :)
I just can't wait to see the dude. I was going to email you about what you need, but it appears that I have my answer. Registries make my life easy :)
Wow, I hope I never buy a gift for someone that will potentially see it as a "gross little" anything. People try to make others happy, but are rather imperfect at it.
I must say I agree with Angela on this one. You give people the option of the registry, if they ignored it that's their choice. They don't have to buy you anything at all, and if they bought something not on the registry that you won't use much, well that's a risk they were obviously willing to take. But their hearts were probably in the right place.
If someone took time and effort to get something for you "gross" looking or not, I'm sure they meant well. My boyfriend bought me this fake LV handbag, because he knows I love bags but we are poor students. I would never buy a fake bag, and probably won't use it for a looong time (not until I can afford the clothes that will make pulling off a fake easier). But that gift melted my heart into a puddle, because he was trying to make me happy, and it did make me so happy. That same boyfriend and I picked out some pacifiers to give his professor who has just adopted a baby. Even if she has a million of them already or doesn't believe in them, we'll never know because she accepted them graciously as part of the celebration of her new baby. If she doesn't need/want them, she can give them to someone else (not as a gift, but just pass it along), or take it back to get something she did need.
I think the difference of opinion here comes in defining the purpose of giving and receiving a gift. When giving a gift, I try my absolute hardest to get something the recipient will like and use and love, and if there's a registry I will definitely stick to it. When receiving a gift, however, I'm usually just grateful that someone thought of me, regardless of whether or not I needed or wanted it.
There will come a time when you don't remember and can't imagine life without your child. The excitement remains, but it's about different things, about achievements and milestones and then it turns to wistfulness about the kid growing up so fast. You think time has flown in your life? Once you're a parent, you have a constant, growing reminder about time and what it means.
Enjoy every possible minute.
I give off the registry sometimes, sometimes I attempt to give my own gift and on the occasions I do, I do usually give some sort of cash gift to compensate for maybe not picking out what the individual wanted.
I will say that if I ever found out someone considered one of my gifts "gross" I'd probably just cut them off of gifts altogether.
My opinion is that birthday registries are the next step in this new giftgrab culture. Don't people just save up for stuff they want anymore rather than expecting everybody to get them exactly what they need for whatever occasion?
Some of the baby clothes out there really are gross. It's not like I'd ever say that to the person who gave me the gift, but in baby clothes as in other areas, we don't all have the same taste, you know?
Registries are great. It gives us an idea of what the person you are shopping for likes.
Personally, I look at the registry, look at the colors chosen, what types of things they like (wood, organic, disposable, etc.) and then usually get something that fits their style but is not necessarily on their list. Sometimes, I look and then just make something on my own.