Bare: Cupboards and Bellies
You know how I've been complaining about how boring and sedentary we've become in the eye of the perfect storm that is pregnancy fatigue, chronic back problems, and oh-my-god-how-can-we-afford-to-have-a-baby-no-more-spending-money-until-December? Well, brace yourselves because last weekend we really outdid ourselves. Rather, I really outdid myself, for while Simon was gardening and writing project proposals and composing music, I was planted on the couch all weekend doing freelance index composition. Adventure! Out of the forty-eight hours that made up Saturday and Sunday, I spent eighteen of them indexing and eighteen of them sleeping. The other twelve were divided into snack breaks every time the clock struck the hour (I had hunger pangs all weekend no matter how much I ate) along with what felt like quarterly trips to and from the bathroom to drain my bladder of the single tablespoon of urine that felt from the inside like a tidal wave set to break a Southern levee.
For so long I have been relatively symptom-free but now that I'm in the second trimester--the easy trimester, the pleasant trimester--I'm noticing a handful of new annoyances developments. First there's the peeing. Always with the peeing! The peeing in the middle of the night that wakes up the cats and reminds them that, hey, they haven't wrestled in a few hours, and now seems like a good time! Then there's the hunger, which is an unusual type of hunger because it's not the kind that sends me foraging for something just to please my tastebuds, but it's actual hunger pangs, as if I'm starving myself and need to eat immediately or die, nevermind that I've just had two whole pickles, a heap of cottage cheese, an apple, a granola bar, an English muffin, a burrito, lemon sorbet, cookies, and two bowls of cereal. It's a constant feed around here, but instead of feeling glee in my body's clear-cut demand for more more more, it's actually become a chore to keep myself fed. Although that's not something most people would complain about, it's getting a little out of hand. I wake up in the middle of the night with a growling stomach. I wake up in the morning feeling too weak to stand. Halfway through my lunch I'm already planning my next snack. Do you think I could find a fashionable maternity feedbag on Etsy?
This weekend we're actually getting out of the house (and doing things that involve copious amounts of food, including the possibility of a roast pig on a spit!): a spicy-food potluck birthday party and Simon's work's summer extravaganza, which is apparently some sort of poolside luau with Hawaiian fire dancers and inflatable palm trees and whatnot. (This company goes all out for their parties; last year it was at the races, remember?, and the year before was a carnival picnic. My company usually just gets a case of cheap wine, stacks some extra folding chairs against the walls of the office, and lays a tarp over the carpet.)
It is in light of this very special theme party that I have a question for you. Bare pregnant bellies: gross or not gross? The Hawaiian theme plus the poolside location means I have been contemplating a bikini as part of my festive ensemble, but I'm just not sure about it. Seeing as I will not have the benefit of liquor helping me make this very important decision on Saturday itself, I'd like to get the matter squared away beforehand. Obviously I can wear a coverup and then take the lead of the other attendees on whether or not to disrobe, but I also recognize the possibility that a significant other's coworkers never want to see one's bare pregnant belly, in which case I will not wear a swimsuit at all, thereby removing all temptation. Chances are it will be freezing anyway and my coverup will consist of a hoodie and a lei knitted out of wool, aka a scarf (oh, San Francisco!), but there's also the chance that it will be so blazing hot that I'll decide it's totally worth the effort to strip down and put SPF 50 over every exposed surface, and that's where the dilemma lies: I just don't know where Bare Pregnant Belly falls on the scale of office party appropriateness. Above pleather micromini but below open-toed shoes? HALP!
I personally love pregnant bellies! They make me squeal with excitement and daydream about the day that I too will have a bambino growing in my tum tum!
Oh yes! Weather being favourable, pregnant bellies are just fine. As long as you are fine with it. As far as I can tell you don't yet have a sticky-outy belly button, and no stretch marks, so while it's still cute (and not like you just ate the world's most enormous watermellon) then absolutely flaunt that belly!
One caveat: Be prepared for the belly-touchers!
personally, the fear of people wanting to touch the bare pregnant belly would force me to keep it covered
How close are you with his coworkers? I imagine I wouldn't bare my belly (pregnant or otherwise) for Mike's coworkers but they've never thrown a Hawaiian-themed luau and, really, they should. So it would be terribly inappropriate for ME to go traipsing through his office get-togethers (usually at houses) in a bikini, even not pregnant.
But if it's a close-knit bunch, they all know you're pregnant, they are all supportive and good people, go for it!
I'm afraid I have to vote no on the pregnant belly.
That's the hard thing: they're not MY coworkers, so the boundaries are a little blurred. It's also a really big company and Simon is only a part-time contracter, so although there are people there whom we both know fairly well, there are also people that we don't know at all. I've been to four or five parties with these folks, so they're not exactly strangers, but still...it's kind of a weird situation. Maybe the solution is to ask Simon what he thinks (although the guy has NO boundaries and is all for more nudity whenever and wherever, so that might not be the best thing). The other solution would be the outlawing of company parties that include anyone being in a swimsuit for any reason.
If it were anything but a work-related party, I'd give the belleh a thumbs-up, but...I'm not so sure since Simon's place of employment is involved. I know it's probably a freewheeling and liberal and we-are-family company, but I feel a little *eep* in my throat when I think of bared flesh of any kind at a work function, pregnant belly or no.
Lawyerish--I totally feel the same way except...it's a Hawaiian luau at a pool, which means bare bellies (or at least swimsuits) are sort of the whole idea.
And I thought it was hard deciding what to wear to the formal cocktail holiday party! Sheesh.
Being a work party, I have to say no, even though I think the belly will be cute. On the other hand, it may be one of your last bikini opportunities maybe? I say small tank baring minimal belly would be a happy compromise. And yes(!) ask Simon his opinion.
Yeah, because it's a work thing, I'm going to have to go with No Bellah. Why not put Simon in the bikini and grass skirt and you wear the Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and sandals with socks?
I love bare preggo bellies, but I'm no help because I happen to know that I won't be at that party to tell you ow fantastic you look and how exciting this adventure is...
I vote no. I think it would be too much of "look and me and give me attention" sort of thing.
But would people think the same thing if I were wearing a bikini and I wasn't pregnant? Maybe so...People will think what they want to think regardless of my intentions.
I think that's the thing that's tangling me up--I don't want to have a set of special rules just because I'm pregnant, so I'm finding ways to rebel when I can. Which is kind of silly isn't it, since being pregnant is all about special rules (no booze, no rollercoasters, no cleaning the litterbox), so I might as well just resign myself to the fact that yeah, things are different now, and I need to take that into account.
In some ways it's no different from other body-type wardrobe restrictions: just because I can wear a pleather micromini doesn't mean I should, right? Right.
Personally, I'd never feel comfortable wearing a bikini around my own coworkers, let alone someone else's, regardless of the size of my abdomen or the theme of the party. What about a sarong tied in dress form?
See, and I would. (Just the top, though. No one needs to see my ripply thighs ever, thanks.) I think what I'm struggling with is if I have to live by new rules now and, if so, should I get all pouty about it? I'm sort of kidding and I'm kind of not. I guess I just don't want to feel like some Victorian lady who has to stay cloistered away lest anyone look upon my offensive enceinte form. I mean, if everyone else is running around halfnaked, why can't I?
I LOVE pregnant bellies, especially pregnant bellies which are not hidden under giant swaths of tentlike materials -- but I've always thought the pregnancy + bikini combo is universally unflattering, no matter how sylphlike the preggo in question. I recommend a lovely tankini, which allows your adorable belly to *peep* out instead.
I think if YOU feel comfortable baring your belly, you should. It is a pool party and for me, I don't think anyone should ever be made to feel their pregnant belly is inappropriate. C'mon, it's the miracle of life!
I have occasionally been slightly startled by the sight of a very pregnant woman in a bikini, but never grossed out. If anyone at the party feels weird, they'll just have to process it and deal with it.
What about a tankini top? so it's just kinda peeking rather than IN YOUR FACE BELLEH. So that way you kinda have the option, if people want to see the goods you can lift it a bit and show off the bump, and if not it's not like you're wearing one of those old lady bathing suits with the skirt to cover all improprieties ;) Bellehs are great, if you can pull it off do it. I think the real question is what color for your thong bottom?!
I am in agreement with the tankini option. Not that *I* don't like bikinis on cute baby bumps, but some people are sensitive.
Pansies.
;)
I'm going to go with no on the bikini, just because I'm not a fan of mixing bikinis and coworkers in any situation, pregnant or not. That being said, dood, I would live in MORTAL TERROR of people a) touching the pregnant belly; b) judging the pregnant belly and c) thinking I wad doing it as an attention-getting ploy, even if I wasn't.
But that's me. I do dig on the tankini option, however.
Generally I find bare pregnant bellies adorable. (Think back to Kate Hudson when she was pregnant.) However, as everyone else has mentioned maybe it's not totally appropriate at a function for a workplace that is not yours? Also, I too would fear the random belly-touchers.
As for your hunger pangs - I noticed that there weren't very many high fat (the good kind, of course) foods on your list. Now, I'm not totally clear on what foods are verboten while pregnant, but maybe you could work more avocado and nuts and things like that into your snack times. The fat is supposed to make you feel less hungry for longer, I think.
I think your belly is adorable! But I guess I would take the lead from the other party-goers, pregnant or not.
I love bare pregnant bellies, but I feel that for a work party, it should be covered. Not saying you shouldn't wear a grass skirt and be otherwise festive, just not be baring your belly!
And, because I hit post too quickly: I actually think that a bikini for a work party is inappropriate, no matter the size of the belly!
two thumbs up for the bikini!
I wouldn't be comfortable at 14ish weeks in a bikini just because I don't really feel like I look pregnant, just kind of a thicker version of my usually relatively confident self. I still don't think people think I'm pregnant (I'm told that month 5 is the time this occurs), even at pilates class or in tight-ish gym clothes. So I would be kind of concerned, just because of my own hang-ups. But if you're more confident than me, I say go for it--luau theme is clearly askin' for bare.
I would say no bikini, pregnant or not. It's just not appropriate for a work function. Some people at my work seem to think that they can get away with dressing differently (skin-tight shirts, for example) just b/c there's a baby in there. I figure if you wouldn't wear it while you're not pregnant, don't wear it just b/c you are pregnant. Plus, not everyone finds a pregnant belly beautiful or even attractive.
Ah ha, see...I WOULD wear a bikini if I weren't pregnant. That's why the question even came up in the first place. (Especially since I don't own any other type of swimsuit, so if I want to swim at all, a bikini is the only option because I'm not going to go out and buy a new suit that I will probably only wear once.)
And, frankly, a lot of people probably won't even know I'm pregnant because I'm not actually that big yet. Bigger than average for me, but probably not bigger than the average American twenty-nine-year-old woman out there. This is not an attention-getting scheme in the least.
Finally, as for whether or not pregnant bellies are "attractive," that's not really the point. I see people in all kinds of unattractive clothing (or with what I consider unattractive bodies) all the time, but that doesn't mean that they don't have the right to wear what they want to. Hell, some people find thin women unattractive. And some people don't think bellies should ever be bare under any circumstance, male or female, at the beach or by the pool. Trying to please everyone is not only a waste of life but impossible.
"Trying to please everyone is not only a waste of life but impossible."
Then why are you even asking the internet what the right answer is? Do what you're comfortable with. And for the record, my vote would be no bikini, whether you were pregnant or not...because even though it's a luau, it's first and foremost a work function.
Not asking for a "right" answer, just asking for personal opinions.
I guess you're right that it just depends on what makes you comfortable. Your entry has made me start thinking about what are the rules for dressing and are they meant to be broken or bent. One woman where I work used to wear pants so low and tops so high that you could see part of her bum when she sat down. She is now a big manager. Do women have to change their style during pregnancy, after they become a parent, or after they turn 40, etc.? Is there a time when we should try to please as many people as possible? I don't know . . .
Me neither! Good question, though, right? :)
Here's what I think: After reading the comments and your responses to the comments, I think you sort of answered your own question. You definitely WANT to whip out the bikini for all the reasons you outlined, whether you realize it or not.
So as long as you're comfortable with it, and have convinced yourself to do it, then you should do it. And I don't mean that negatively, I mean that sometimes we don't know what we want to do until someone tells us otherwise. Kind of like how Adam doesn't realize he wanted pizza for dinner until I suggested burgers instead. This drives me NUTS, but in a way, I see his pattern of thinking sort of makes sense.
So with that in mind, and with some of the things you've said, I would definitely be surprised if someone came up with a compelling enough reason otherwise in the next 24 hours-ish. So all I can say is this: take pictures.
If the party is by a pool, on the first day of summer, swimming suits are "appropriate". If you live in the 21st century, bikinis are "appropriate". If people invites a pregnant person to a pool party in the 21st century, exposed pregnant bellies are "appropriate". How comfortable you'll feel, regardless of all that, is all on you; how uncomfortable they'll feel, given all that, is all on them.
Enjoy the party as much as you are enjoying the pregnancy!
as long as the belly button's still in, which yours is, then I'm okay with pregnant + bikini. It's when it's out that people seem to get weirded out for some reason.
You say it's a pool party, but is it a "swimming" party? I've been to plenty of poolside parties where no one (except maybe the kids) actually swam, and the adults all showed up in street clothes--summer attire but not bathing suits. Maybe Simon can get more info. on the party for you.
Jonna--I was thinking the exact same thing--that I had answered my own question in the comments--but then I realized that I was feeling just as defensive about the "show the belly!" comments as I was about the "don't show the belly!" ones. I think I was more vocal about the latter because those were the ones that seemed to be making untrue assumptions about me that I wanted to clarify. The reason I asked the question in the first place is because I'm one of those people who sees both (or every) side to an arguement (sometimes to a fault), so I really didn't know how I felt about it because I could understand the pros and cons from both angles.
Green Eyes really articulated the larger issue best: Are there certain circumstances in our lives that should change the way we dress or otherwise present ourselves? Are we forbidden from wearing certain things because we're pregnant/mothers/"old"/overweight? That's a really good question. There's a fine line between good taste and being able to wear whatever we want if we're proud and confident about our bodies. A very fine line.
Finally, yesterday Simon was talking to the woman who'd organized the party and asked her if she'd had anyone come to her with reservations about the whole coworkers-in-swimwear issue, and she said that yes, a lot of people were kind of creeped out by the idea, which makes me think that most of them won't be swimming. Which means that I probably won't be either. Now the only decision I need to make is whether or not to wear my coconut bra. :)
Actually, the woman at work was citing information she found on the internet, not polling the people at the actual workplace. I'm sure that the opinions are similar, but the source was not the co-workers, but the grand and mysterious internet itself.
I think Simon should wear the coconut bra.
I figured Simon wearing a coconut bra was a given.
There's nothing wrong with flaunting your stuff. Opinions vary on whether baby bulge is cool to expose, so not everyone will be happy/sad about it.
Only way to make perceptions unanimous is to draw an enormous smiley face on your tummy and introduce people to it using a silly voice.
Unanimous=there goes the crazy pregnant lady.
I am convinced that the peeing in the middle of the night thing is nature's way of preparing you for night nursing. By the time you have to feed your baby at 2 a.m. you will be used to getting up.