A Girl...

Dude, you do not need a baby boy to get peepee teepees. I don't even have a baby and I bought some peepee teepees just because they brought me so much joy. Just typing peepee teepee makes my heart gleeful. And? They make completely random (and completely fabulous) gifts for non-expectant mothers. Because I'm crazy like that.

I like the envelope idea a lot.

There is no way I could not know. NO WAY. I'm not saying this is how EVERYONE should feel, but the whole, "There are so few surprises ..." thing always gets me, because MAN. Don't you think that day will be chock-full of surprises? Like the fact that HOLY SHIT you're a parent, like right now? Or the fact that it's a HEALTHY baby and wow, look at her! THAT'S what she looks like! Who knew? Or, OMG WHAT THE FUCK I JUST HAD A SURPRISE C-SECTION. NOT WHAT I PLANNED. Or, OH NO. I POOPED AND MY MIDWIFE WAS A BITCH. DID NOT EXPECT THAT.

I guess my theory has always been that there are always SO MANY surprises in life, not all of them good, so why not guarantee yourself one day of a decent surprise on its own? Why mix that surprise in with a bunch of other surprises that might not be as awesome?

But again, this is my thinking. I totally understand others who choose differently, I swear.

I think I would have to find out the sex beforehand if I were pg. I'm too impatient, and all the reasons you state make perfect sense to me. It's a surprise regardless, it helps with bonding (however liberal your views about gender and how much it defines a person) and....well, yeah, sometimes you need to know if you can buy a wee, frothy smocked dress or some engineer's overalls if you darn well please.

I know our situation is entirely different because we got to choose ahead of time, but knowing for all this time that a little girl awaits us has made it all impossibly more real, when so often it seems UNreal that we're actually going to have a small human in the house one day. You know?

For some reason, I irrationally care whether other people find out ahead of time, and I always want them to (please find out!! FOR ME!). It's glee-inducing whenever it happens and whatever the answer is, but there's something that adds to the already heady anticipation when you know just what type of little who you're going to welcome to the world.

I love the envelope idea. So many ceremonial possibilities for the Biggest Reveal of your lives.

By the way, I feel like I should qualify my comment by saying that we have a blue and green room and lots of blue blankets and little pants and non-frilly clothing and gender-neutral toys for our baby girl. I'm not a super-girly person and I shudder to think of the Princess Culture overtaking our child. And yet, a lot of the clothes I've bought are very definitively Girl Clothes. Just because I CAN. (AND THEY ARE SO CUTE OMG.)

(Not that boys' clothes aren't cute. But dresses are FUNNNNNN.)

(FIND OUT. TELL US ALL. DO IT NOW.)

I am firmly in the do not want to know ever category. In fact I will go so far as to tell friends who are pregnant that I do not want to know the sex of their babies because it's all about ME and I want to be surprised. What can I say? I hate surprises in all other aspects of life, I'm big on planning and averse to change but with something like this, I just want to wait to find out. Crazy I know.

I felt like it helped with the bonding beforehand but of course I have nothing to compare it to, having found out with both boys. But I'm really here to say I just DIED at Jonniker's comment. OH NO I POOPED. Haaaaaa!

Bitchy midwives deserve to get pooped on.

I always found out, and I was never sorry I did ;)

Find out for the sake of the people who like you enough to buy you presents.

I had more trouble finding gender neutral baby things for gifts than I ever would have imagined. I think it’s royally dumb that everything is either pink kittens of blue baseball bats but we don’t have time to make the societal changes required before your wee one is due. I can understand the need for it though… for some babies it’s the only way one can tell the difference for a few months unless they’re naked.

Yes, gifts are yet another complication. I've had friends say they didn't want to know the sex of the baby because they didn't want to get a ton of frilly pink dresses if baby were a girl. Well, guess what? The people who give frilly pink dresses at baby showers also give frilly pink dresses after the baby is born. Simon's sister and brother-in-law didn't find out they were having a girl, but as soon as little HJ was here, they got plenty of frilly pink stuff from all corners of the world. When it comes to gifts, you're never in control.

One of the things my mom sent me a few days ago was a light purple blanket she had crocheted. She likes purple (maybe as much as Jennie) and she decided that all of her grandkids would get a purple blanket from her. But...a purple blanket for a baby boy? Hell yes if it's from Grandma!

That said, I totally agree that it's way easier (and more fun!) to buy gifts when you know a little about who you're buying them for. Gender-neutral onesies are fine, but there's just something about those tiny little dresses...

I was always so firmly in the do-not-want-to-know camp before I got pregnant, but now that the 20-week ultrasound has come and gone, and now that I'm only seven weeks away from delivering, I'm totally wishing I knew whether this little kicker is a girl or a boy. I have a strong feeling, and so did the ultrasound tech way back when, but what good does that do me when I have to actually purchase something? No good! It's worth noting, of course, that no fewer than four of my friends have found out the sex during their ultrasounds, only to be surprised with the exact opposite when d-day actually came. And then weren't they in a pickle: all that gender-specific stuff they'd bought was useless, and they'd bonded with a person who, in some ways, didn't exist. So even if you find it, it's not a guarantee. (Maybe you can request an ultrasound tech who graduated at the top of the class?)
Then again, you might get a tech who refuses to write down her/his best guess, on account of liability and all.
Bleh, talk about pooping on the party. You'd think I could save that at least until delivery! Here's hoping your mind and heart are settled by the time you get to week 20. :)

After waffling with this one, we've decided to find out. I neeeeeed to know. Gender-neutral clothes are hard to find and not as cute, there is NO WAY we'll be able to pick out two names with our marriage intact, and like Linda said, I think it helps with the bonding.

HOWEVER, resist the Peepee Teepees. Most useless thing ever. I used them once and Noah's pee sent the thing FLYING three feet across the room where it hit the wall with a wet, soppy splat. I used washcloths from then on. Baby pee streams are not to be fucked around with, boy howdy.

Considering that the last ultrasound tech wouldn't tell us ANYTHING (or give us a mothereffing picture of OUR CHILD), I should probably prepare myself to encounter resistance when it comes time for gender identification. Bastards.

I am so impatient that there was no way I couldn't find out. I had already bought a few girly things becuase I was CONVINCED it was a girl. Mike and I both were left speechless when we found out it was a boy.

Every single old wives saying I heard about gender indicated it would be a girl, so I guess those things aren't worth much.

My baby girl has peed on me FAR MORE than my boy ever did.

Regarding cravings indicating the gender or not?? Eh. I was just being silly in my comment on the last post.

Everyone has their own opinion about the matter. Personally I opted to find out the sex and I feel like it helped me feel even more connected to her since she wasn't a blobby "it" in my mind. And picking nursery colours and bedding and onesies and names is SO FUN WHEN YOU KNOW.
Obviously, that's just my stance. I know lots of people who wait and love the big reveal. I am just far too impatient for that.
PS: YOU'RE HAVING A BABY! I am so excited!

I'd want to know. But I dislike surprises in general. I would want to pick a name and to shout it from the rooftops.

All of this baby talk is so exciting. Yay you! (and Simon)

Your writing is just exquisite. Exquisite! And I'm so excited for you I can't stand it. I vote Huckleberry for the name, whichever sex you get.

I havent been here in a while... What a suprise! First Congrats.
Second, I was firmly on the fence myself. In the end I decided I wanted to know. For me it changed my pregnancy, I was at a place where I wanted to know who was in there. Up to that point it was a what, an it. I was ready for who, it was a perfect mid point prize in a very long 38.3 weeks.
Congrats again.

I really like your idea with the tech.
Peepee teepees are great, but how big will you need it to be? This is somewhat funny because I made one for a friend and well... I'm not sure it helped because of the fit.
I'm all about surprises and was blown away when my last baby popped out (yeah right) with girly parts! It'll be amazing, whatever you decide.

We found out the sex with both our kids. It was never even discussed that we wouldn't! I think it certainly helped my hubby "bond" with the baby, at least having an idea of who was in there. With my son, we decided on his name the day we confirmed that he was a boy (which I already knew). With my daughter, we couldn't decide on a name until about 3 weeks before she was born. And since everyone already knew she was a girl and didn't have much time left anyway, we made them wait until she was born to reveal the name. That was kinda fun! Drove my MIL crazy, which was a bonus in my book.

I agree with previous posters - it's a surprise whenever you find out, and it makes buying stuff a helluva lot easier (there really isn't much neutral stuff out there). And what if you end up having a difficult delivery or c-section? Are you gonna feel up to running out to buy pink or blue stuff afterwards, when every part of you in craving the ability to finally dress your child accordingly? I really enjoyed being able to pick out a gender appropriate outfit for the big homecoming.

Just my long-winded two cents.

There are so many surprises....you're right. Gender is just one of them. Go with your gut, do what you want to do. We didn't find out and it was great for us (hey the room was green & yellow already!) but you have to do whatever yOU want to do. The world is FULL of lots of *advice* -

And girls DO pee with amazing distance! I had no idea (see more surprises!).

Sorry that should have been "See? More surprises!"

My sister-in-law waited to find out the sex on her first one, and then on the second they found out at the ultrasound. She said that neither of them felt quite as bonded to their first newborn because of that whole "not knowing what to anticipate" thing. But then of course they made up all their bonding in those first few months and it was no big deal in the end.

So, I am of no help whatsoever, but there's my input anyway! :)

Well said, Leah. And the envelope idea is perfect. I may have to copycat it.

We didn't find out because I didn't want friends and family to then associate characteristics with our baby based on its gender. I didn't want people asking how he/she was. I felt like it allowed me to be pregnant rather than having a boy/girl if that makes any sense. We have no regrets whatsoever about waiting until Amy was born and secretly, just between you and me (and the internet) I just knew she was a girl all along! Hah!

The comments on this post are just as awesome as the post itself!

We did not find out with any of our three (as you know), EVEN THOUGH I WANTED TO. Honey did not. I respected his wishes.

I bonded with my babies wholly and completely. The gender was just the finishing touch. I have to say, too, that when I was pregnant the third time, and fully expecting boy #3, that when I pushed out a baby to hear both the doctor and nurse SCREAM, "IT'S A GIRL!!!"...the feeling was AMAZING. I BAWLED. I'm teary now.

I say try the envelop trick. Then you have options :)

Also. Nathan is the proud owner of a Fisher Price vacuum. He's a floor guy like his Daddy :)

Loved your post, and it prompted me to ask the husband his opinion on the issue and whew, we're agreed we want to know beforehand. A Girl and A Boy - improving relationships everywhere!

I'm delurking to jump on the don't find out bandwagon. All of your logic makes perfect sense and it is a deeply personal decision so do what feels right for both of you BUT just to add to the comments, my mom waited. And she has always said when she was huge and it was that last two month stretch and she was ready to GET IT OUT already, the one thing that kept her going was the not knowing. The mystery of it and her curiosity and anticipation for the day was what helped her through the last few months of pregnancy. This might not be true for everyone. I don't know, also having been in the waiting room for the birth of cousins and such, I will never forget watching my uncle come barreling down the hall only to open the door and yell "GIRL!" And the look on his face after nine months of not knowing, I don't know there's something kind of magic in truly meeting that little person for the first time and not knowing the sex ahead of time. I don't know, perhaps it's just a romantic notion, but I kind of love it. That moment will be amazing no matter what you decide, but the not knowing is also kinda great I imagine.

being in the childless camp i have no strong opinions about this, but i think the envelope idea is the best one i've ever heard.

In Sweden the praxis is that you don't find out. Generally only mothers over 35 who does embryo diagnostics get to know the sex beforehand.
To me the answer is simple: There is so much gender projection in our society already and getting to know the sex beforehand just reinforce that. I have given birth to two babies, and I can't say that not knowing the gender made me any less prone to bonding while the baby was inside of me.

Super Sarah, that was an interesting point. I do think that when you know the sex it tends to sway it to be about that particular baby instead of it being about the lady who is pregnant. Now I'm going to have to think about that...

Leah, if you guys open the envelope, will you tell us what it says? Because I, for one, can NOT wait to find out what you guys are having.

And it's so sweet that your mom made a blanket. I think purple can go for either a boy or a girl. Very cute.

We did the envelope thing and then caved and opened it, but we didn't tell anybody else. We liked having the shared secret, and besides we were told we were having a girl, and they're never 100% accurate if they say it's a girl (they were right). Interestingly I think the nurses at delivery knew because they kept saying 'not long now, she'll be here before you know it). Strange.

We'll definitely find out again for this one, but we're undecided whether we'll spill the beans or not.

We did the envelope thing and then caved and opened it, but we didn't tell anybody else. We liked having the shared secret, and besides we were told we were having a girl, and they're never 100% accurate if they say it's a girl (they were right). Interestingly I think the nurses at delivery knew because they kept saying 'not long now, she'll be here before you know it). Strange.

We'll definitely find out again for this one, but we're undecided whether we'll spill the beans or not.

Now, see, I'm just the opposite: when I know the sex and name of a baby months before it appears in the world, I've found the news to be more, "Oh, so Katie is finally here." Whereas when I don't know, and I get the call, it's all, "WHOO! What is it? What's the name? WHOO!" Maybe I'm weird?

We sell the peepee teepees at my part-time job and they NEVER fail to crack me up. I've come close to buying some so many times, and I don't even know anyone who's pregnant right now, except for you!

Oh, and I forgot to mention this: I think the envelope thing is a good idea, and I particularly like having a dinner party sort of thing and doing a ceremonious Envelope Opening.

It's like the Oscars! Only with a baby!

I didn't find out with my two only because I wanted to see if I had iron clad will. Turns out I did and probably won't find out with the third but I have no problem if others want to find out what they are having.

A friend of mine and her husband recently had the tech do the "write it down and put it in an envelope" option. Then they sent out invitations to a small group of close friends for a "Sex Party" and opened the envelope at the gathering. They are keeping the name a secret, so that will be the surprise (to everyone else) at the time of birth.

I have very strong opinions on this one. We waited to find out and I'm so glad we did but mostly so we could avoid telling people our name choices. I didn't want to reveal the name for superstitious reasons but also for fear of someone trying to convince me to change it so not knowing the sex was a really good out for this. Also and this is very important... As soon as people know the sex you will be bombarded with pink or blue stuff totally ignoring all the really practical but really necessary stuff you need and registered for. You will still be bombarded once the baby is born, so if you wait to reveal the sex you'll be doubly gifted by your family and friends with pre-birth gifts that are practical and post-birth gifts that are ridiculously gendered. That's my two cents. Good luck!

Delurking to share my two cents: I'm 13 weeks along and when our midwife offered us a special 16 week ultrasound specifically for the purpose of trying to determine gender, we jumped at the chance (they have an ultrasound machine in their office). This is our first baby, and I still have a hard time believing that this pregnacy is real, that there is going to be a baby in our house come November. OUR BABY. I think knowing the gender will help me wrap my head around this idea and, as you mentioned, help me bond...

I concur with Chan.

With just seven weeks to go, we really, really, really want to know.

Except we decided we didn't want to.
(So we're glumly sticking to our guns.)

But we're not having a shower, we're having a "meet the baby" party so the gender gifting thing will be less of an issue.

I found out, because my husband wanted to, and I knew he couldn't keep a secret. I wanted to wait- but.... I was not disappointed in knowing. There were plenty of surprises day of. ( She had hair, lots of it. I had an epidural. She weighed 8 pounds and 10 ounces and was 22 inches long, and they had told me she would be TINY. WAS NOT TINY, WAS BIG.)

Whatever it is, it'll be wonderful. We wanted to know and I'm glad we did. I'm not sure why, but I'm glad.

well................. I'd like to be pregnant but I am 18 years old... my mom's 38 years old and now she's pregnant..... sometimes L joke : mother it's not your child it's mine! it's really funny... everyone will think that my brother is my child! I've always wanted to have a sister or a brother and now I have....... I think the age doesn't metter!... I'm happy to have a child\brother in my family :))