February 13, 2008

Rollercoaster or Beverage Coaster: You Decide

Ha! I just went to Netflix to update my queue, and you know how they ask you to rate movies you've returned so that based on your response they can recommend other movies you might enjoy? Well, whatever system of logarithms or intellectual chimps they have working behind the scenes, they're doing something right because when I gave Across the Universe five big stars, it was suggested that maybe I might like a little art piece from a few years back called Newsies. Ha.

And for all of you Newsies fans out there (you know who you are, and now everyone else does too!), have you seen the short film Blood Drips on Newsies Square? It was shot with some of the cast and on the set during production of the movie, and was directed by Michael Goorjian, who plays Skittery and who also dated one of my coworkers many years ago, of all things. You might also know him as Heroin Bob from SLC Punk, which was filmed partially on my college campus during my first semester there and partially on the exact spot where my cousin got married (the scene where Stevo and Sandy drop acid; v. romantic). Sometimes I like to point at my coworker and shout "You dated Heroin Bob!" I don't think she even knows what I'm talking about.

Last night we watched Parenthood, which I saw when I was young--too young to understand why the vibrator scene was so funny--and although this time I was plenty old enough to catch the innuendos, I'm either still too young or perhaps just a little too old to fully benefit from the main thrust of the movie, which is that being a parent is really fucking hard. If I were older, I'd be able to nod my head sympathetically because I'd been there myself. And if I were younger, I'd be able to detach from what it implied about my distant future. Now, though, on the cusp of it all, it pretty much scared the bejeezus out of me. It's not that I'm unaware of all the things that can be bad and go wrong when one decides to become a parent. It's just that in the wake of my inital immersion in mommyblogs which, frankly, also scared the bejeezus out of me, I've gotten really good at brushing those fears aside lest they turn me away from fulfilling some of my most important life goals.

The film unravels like any parent's complaint, though: "Jimmy/Suzie throws tantrums/bites other kids/has emotional problems/does drugs/gambles away his money BUT I still love him/her and it's still worth it and I'd do it all over again." Near the end, Grandma makes a speech about how life is like a box of chocolates rollercoaster, and that without the ups and downs to make it interesting, you might as well go plop yourself down on the carousel, which just goes around and around and around, safe but without the thrill.

It's kind of an innocuous, no-duh point to make, but jeez, in the hands of a paranoid overthinker, it's the gateway to a dark and twisting path that leads to "but what if the brakes fail?" and "what if the lap bar gives during a loop-de-loop?" and "what if I'm better off just going with the status quo flow on the merry-go-round with all the other wussies?" What if? This is why I need to brush aside, brush aside, brush aside and just trust that everything will work out okay, blah blah blah, even if it means I will scream and barf and crap my pants along the way. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

I just think there are right and wrong (or at least "more desirable" and "less desirable") contexts in which certain Truths should be shared. For instance, you don't talk about how your C-section went horribly, tragically wrong when your friend tells you she is having her C-section tomorrow. It might have been okay to tell her about it ten months ago, and it might be okay to tell her about it the day after tomorrow, when her baby is here safe and sound, but it is not okay to terrify her when she most needs her wits about her, right? Likewise, you can talk about how scary the rollercoaster is to (a) people who have already been on it or (b) people who still don't meet the "you must be this tall to ride" requirement, but you shouldn't yell out to the person who has clicked the lap bar into place and is making the slow climb up the first big hill, "Hey! Let me tell you about the time I rode that rollercoaster and threw up so hard I passed out! It was awful, but SO worth it, and I'd do it all again! Have fun!"

All I'm saying is there should be a more sophisticated rating system that warns film viewers of not just violence, drug use, nudity, and profanity, but also "uncomfortable truths," "harsh reality," and "forced introspection." And next time I want to watch a movie about "life" and Simon wants to watch one about cops and robbers and 'splosions, I'll let him have his way.

Posted by Leah at February 13, 2008 04:03 PM
Comments

what the heck man?
what about the fact that michael goorjian was on party of five?? an s.f. show.
does that count for nothing?

Posted by: liza at February 13, 2008 04:39 PM

Now I am thinking I should not regaled the tale of Frema and the 11 pound-plus baby when one of my coworkers was talking about how his wife is due to deliver in a week and everyone else was talking about their birth stories and I just had to open my big mouth and tell him about this person I "know" who tried to have the regular kind of delivery and ended up with the express kind because the baby was too big to come out the regular way. Urp.

Posted by: Emily at February 13, 2008 05:28 PM

This movie reminds me of the time when Martha Plimpton was cute. Have you seen her lately? All those teen fantasies wasted.

Posted by: will at February 13, 2008 05:35 PM

Thankfully I'll be on the merry-go-round with the "wussies," so you'll have no stories from me!

Posted by: the slackmistress at February 13, 2008 05:42 PM

newsies is and will always be my favorite movie musical. i have a crush on each and every one of those boys.
i think music should have that same sort of 'red alert-- this will reveal thoughts about your life that you might not be ready to think' warning system. nothing's worse than driving along, popping in a new cd, and having to pull over because the tears and dear.god.it's.SO.TRUE!
makes me feel like such a little yuppie, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen like, oh, every other day.

Posted by: leenie at February 13, 2008 05:59 PM

Oh Leah - before the miscarriage I was desperately trying to get my hands on a copy of Parenthood, but Blockbuster didn't have it, and I'm not yet on the Netflix band wagon. I do still want to see it though, even though I fall into that same category as you (well, maybe you are strapping yourself into the roller coaster, but I am merely waiting in line tapping my foot impatiently waiting for my period to start so I know I'm back to normal).

One movie that did make me go ride on the merry-go-round? Requiem For A Dream! Just say no! Not so much as an experimental drug experience for me. I was sure that it would lead to that scene where Jennifer Connelly is, well, you know...

Posted by: TheRightWife at February 13, 2008 06:03 PM

I know. And frankly, I love merry-go-rounds and hate rollercoasters.

You know what else bugs me, though: when people get OFF the rollercoaster angry because "nobody told them." You can see the rollercoaster and hear the screams even before you get on it.

Posted by: Swistle at February 13, 2008 06:04 PM

This is my favorite post of yours. I usually find myself nodding along (not nodding off, big difference) while reading, but this one is my favorite. So true. So great.

Posted by: She Likes Purple at February 13, 2008 06:05 PM

Life is definitely a crazy rollercoaster but if it was a predictably boring, straight ride - it wouldn't be worth paying to play.

Posted by: gorillabuns at February 13, 2008 06:21 PM

Newsies is my absolute favorite film in the WORLD. I know all the songs. I know all the dance moves. I own (several copies of) the soundtrack. I could sing "Open the Gates and Seize the Day" to you right now and you would weep.

(Oh my god, I just had the best idea for our next get-together.)

Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires at February 13, 2008 06:37 PM

The thing that makes Newsies so wonderful is that there is a whole host of fabulous character. Not just Jack or David, but also Racetrack and Spot Collins. (Sorry, Crutchie, I never had room in my heart for you for some reason, because I apparently have a heart of cold dead stone).

I need to go watch this movie again pronto. And maybe whip out the soundtrack. And perhaps resurrect the forty different lip-sync dance movies my sisters and I made to every song from the movie.

Posted by: Janssen at February 13, 2008 07:34 PM

Slackmistress--You are definitely not on a wussy ride. You married Will, for crying out loud!

Posted by: Leah at February 13, 2008 08:25 PM

Parenthood was always one of my favorite movies, but not because of the parenting aspect, because it was funny.
Maybe you should stop reading mommmy blogs. They're all the same anyway.

Posted by: justJENN at February 13, 2008 08:41 PM

As a fellow paranoid overthinker, I totally understand. The great irony for me is that mommyblogs are what actually made me aware that I wanted to have kids...aaaaand now the very same mommyblogs scare the SHIT out of me.

And the one time I told a relatively new parent that we were thinking about having kids, and he made a face like I had just spit on his shirt and said, "REALLY? Are you SURE? Just make sure you're really SURE"...yeah, that was not so encouraging.

Posted by: jive turkey at February 14, 2008 05:52 AM

I thought I had seen Newsies as a pret-teen, but with all of your raving, it makes me think that either I really missed something, or I never saw it to begin with.

I DEFINITELY missed a lot in Parenthood because your mention of the vibrator scene made me go, "What? There was a vibrator scene?"

Hmm, two movies I need to rewatch very soon...

Posted by: Carrie at February 14, 2008 08:33 AM

Ooohhh I love Parenthood. I haven't actually seen it since I was a child (it was the only adult movie I was allowed to watch until I was, you know, an adult.) I love the part where Steve Martin's kid is sick and he's all "Do you want to throw up?" and she says Okay! and throws up all over him. Comedy gold.

Posted by: hillary at February 14, 2008 09:06 AM

Hmmm, I agree. I call it the "emotionally disturbing" factor. There should definitely be warnings . . .

Posted by: Margarita at February 14, 2008 09:44 AM

I loved "Parenthood" even before I was a parent (ok, when I was a teen I loved it)... and I just got the phone call about my daughter, whose uber-hippy-gentle teacher is "concerned that she's having social problems with her friends" and we need to have her monitored and blah blah blah.

My response?
"Uh, don't all 3-year-olds have social problems?" Honestly. They're all a bunch of crazy tyrants.

Posted by: JennB at February 14, 2008 11:45 AM

Ypu are hilarious and your thoughts are so real and understandable. Thanks for sharing them. Now I want to watch that movie.

Posted by: Elizabeth at February 14, 2008 03:19 PM

Don't freak out. And perhaps you should step away from the mommy message boards and blogs for a little while (I know....impossible). I know for a fact that if two years ago I had seen my particular story on a blog I would freak out and beg and pray that I not be one of those sad (but brave!) parents who end up with a 'special needs' baby. But I now want to smack the former me. When it's your baby you find a way to deal with whatever life throws at you. You'll be a great mom.

Posted by: lainey at February 15, 2008 11:56 AM

Woo-hoo, my 1st comment! Overall I've loved the ride, not that I haven't begged to get off a few times, puked on the people in the car behind me, and lost my flip-flop on a loop, but the car keeps moving and the farther you go on the ride the better it gets. You'll just be amazed at your capacity to deal and the best part is you have a kick-ass guy at your side who's ready to do all of this with you. It truly doesn't get better than that. Hope you're having fun with The Niece!

Posted by: Leiah at February 15, 2008 12:15 PM

The movie means a lot more to me now than it did when I first saw it years ago. Getting barfed on? Been there. Bitten? Yep. Felt like I was on a rollercoaster? Some days.

Still waiting for the bj in the car, though.

Posted by: Texas T-bone at February 15, 2008 12:37 PM