Bad News
I hate to do this, but I'm here to interrupt my not-even-started-yet What I Did on My Awesome Thanksgiving Vacation report with some spectacularly crappy news. I don't know how to say it other than that until yesterday I was seven and a half weeks pregnant (probably*) and now I'm (probably**) not. The plan was to share the news with our parents after my first prenatal appointment this Friday, and then, dear Internets, you were next on the list. I had about a dozen artsy photographs of my peestick to choose from and everything. Now you're extra disappointed, aren't you?
Part of why I did so little public blogging last month was because all my free time was spent composing alternately giddy and anxious blog drafts about every physical, emotional, and psychological aspect about the development of what Simon and I had come to call my "interesting condition." I had SO much to say-. Still do, I suppose, although the content will obviously be different now.
Overall, although we're massively disappointed, it's not the end of the world and we're both doing o.k. all things considered. A miscarriage this early is likely the result of some garbled genetics, and that's that; if it were going to happen, better in the eigth week than in the twelfth or the twenty-fifth, right? Also, we're lucky we didn't spread the news far and wide, considering how hard it was to keep such an enormous, wonderful secret all for what feels like eons. Mel and Kilo had to know, of course, what with the constant "Would you like a glass of wine?"/"No, thank you" in England, but aside from that, the only people we (well, Simon) told were the friend who first introduced us six years ago, who happened to call the day we found out; a work acquaintance who asked that same day if "anything exciting was going on in our lives"; and any random stranger who crossed our path at the airport/grocery store/Costco. If Simon had gotten his way, we would've spent Sunday afternoon at Babies R Us picking out nursery linens, but I insisted we wait until we were sure there was anything happening "down there" besides lots and lots of bloating and gas. We also nearly came home from England with a spare stroller and a suitcase full of newborn clothes, and wouldn't that have been fun to explain?
So while we're sad and frustrated and a little worried about what, if anything, this might portend for our reproductive future, today at least (this moment at least) my overall feeling is one of resignation--a big sigh of "Oh well, maybe next time." There's nothing to be done but go forward, and that's what we'll do. In the meantime I will consol myself with endless listmaking.
Pro: We're fertile!***
Con: I will now proceed to freak out that while I have no problems conceiving, I'll have problems carrying to term.
Pro: At least now I won't be spending BlogHer08 weekend in stirrups.
Con: We've spent the past three weeks contemplating our July baby and now we'll have to go back to talking about the weather and dressing up the cats****.
Pro: Champagne.
Pro: Hot tub.
Pro: Sushi.
Con: WAH.
*Could've been a molar pregnancy or a blighted ovum, in which case there was never any baby anyway. Hours and hours of Googling also point to a possible ectopic, which sucks. We'll see what the ultrasound reveals on Friday and cross our fingers that the worst is over.
**Peed on another stick about an hour ago on the advice of my nurse mother, and it's still a fat-ass positive, as I suspected. After what I went through yesterday (ouch!), it wasn't reassuring in the least, but hey, it's still a neat trick for the time being.
***Only two cycles have passed since we decided (yes, on purpose) to "see what happens." This cycle turned into the miscarried two-month pregnancy, but evidence has led me to believe that the first cycle was a miscarried chemical pregnancy (negative test but laaaate and wicked awful period). Two conceptions in two tries is not a bad record so long as the next one sticks, right? Wish us luck!
****Thank goodness we like each other a whole lot and don't mind being "just two" for a while longer. Also, thank goodness the cats look cute in ruffles.
p.s. Condolences appreciated, advice not so much.
Oh Leah I'm so sorry. Without knowing what happened (and certainly not that you'd share) to make you think you're not pregnant... I hope against hopes that Friday will reveal a wonderful little heartbeat.
I'm really sorry for your loss-best of luck with everything.
Oh wow! So sorry, Leah.
I'm so sorry, Leah! I am keeping my fingers crossed for you and wish you the best of luck. Big hugs!
Oh, sweetie, you know I feel your pain. You are handling this so, so well.
It's OK to cry, though, and mourn the loss of a dream.
I'm excited for you guys that you are trying. And that you are fertile :)
xoxoxo
Sorry, Leah. (And Simon.) xoxo
When something sad happens to my friends, I tend to over-communicate. Sorry about that.
A few more hugs for both of you. You deserve them.
Oh Leah. I'm sorry this happened to you.
It's ... it's so common, and it doesn't necessarily mean anything dire in terms of your fertility, but I know you know that. It's not advice, me saying that, just some words of encouragement.
Also, stop Googling, for the love of God. That IS advice, although you don't have to take it. I've been there, and it really doesn't help except to needlessly freak yourself out. According to Dr. Google, I have extensive endometriosis and various sundry afflictions, and though I do have a fertility issue, it is not remotely endometriosis, and it's not nearly as serious as endo. So no no. Do not Google, however great the temptation may be. My doctor recently ordered me to stay offline when it comes to medical conditions.
xoxo
I'm so sorry. And stay away from Google! Says the girl who goes to Google for all her diagnoses.
i am hoping that *****you like practicing...??? too....
i am so sorry. you are taking it so well.
I'm really sorry to hear it. Sending warm thoughts your way.
Since I am an internet stranger (though a regular reader) I feel a little awkward giving my condolences, but would still like to say that I am sorry the news couldn't be happy and that I truly admire your attitude! I wish you and Simon the very best with your future baby plans. And can't wait to see what duet costumes you have for the kitties.
I am so sorry Leah and Simon. Keeping my fingers crossed that the next one "sticks."
Oh gosh, Leah, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry to hear that. My mom's first was a miscarriage, but she went on to have two of the healthiest (read: fat and whiny) babies in history.
Oh, girl. I will echo the sentiments of other commenters to say that I am so sorry. I have a similar story from my very first pregnancy. Pregnancy is such an amazing thing to experience... and then to lose it is crushing. I'll have my fingers crossed and be thinking of you guys.
also... I have my fingers crossed that the u/s reveals that all our condolences are not needed!
So sorry to hear this - hope tomorrow is okay.
Leah - I'm so sorry to hear this - sending internet hugs...
Just sending you internet love from across the ocean.... xxxx
Oh. I'm so sorry. I wish there was more to say, but simply....those fears....my fears too. I hope that next time turns out perfect. Hugs.
I'm so sorry. ***hugs*** from a stranger.
And I echo the stay away from google!!! (which I know is nearly impossible but still.)
Sending hugs across the continent.
Leah and Simon,
I'm so sad to hear of your loss. My condolences during this difficult time.
So sorry to hear the bad news. I cannot even imagine the heartbreak and disappointment but will be thinking of you and sending comforting thoughts.
Sorry Leah...I'd use more words to say it if I knew how to make words help.
Hi - I just started reading your blog about a month ago, and I'm so sorry to hear your bad news. I hope things go better for you soon.
I'm also on cycle 2 of "let's see what happens." Nothing yet, but that's OK - that means more Christmas eggnog & bourbon for me.
Leah,
I'm so sorry for both you and Simon.
~Paige
I'm so sorry to hear this.
I am really sorry to hear this... During our 1st pregnancy we waited until 12 weeks because we were so scared we did not want to tell a soul until we knew for sure that we were in the clear (or at least through the 1st trimester, I guess - nothing is ever CLEAR with pregnancy...)
I hope having lots of support both here and at home is helpful.
Hi there. No advice, no miscarriage horror stories, just condolences and positive thoughts for the future.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, Leah. At the same time, I'm impressed with how clearly you can see all sides of this, how you realize there is much hope for the next go-round, or the next.
Sending y'all good vibes and hugs.
Oh, Leah! I am very sorry to hear that.
But I am also very excited that both of you are trying!! Good Luck!!
yugh. so very very sorry.
sending warm thoughts.
I'm sorry :(
I'm so sorry for your loss. Even though I am not in the "want to have kids" camp, I (of course) never like to hear about someone having trouble. Looking forward to good news soon. :)
So sorry to hear, and best of luck for try number three.
I'm sending some hugs your way.
"Condolences appreciated, advice not so much."
You are so smart and funny! And pretty, too. You can have whatever you like. I give you condolences with champagne and sushi on top.
I don't know what to say. Just know I'm thinking of you.
Wow. I don't know what to say, except I'm sorry you're going through this. ((Leah and Simon)) But can I also say I'm excited that you guys are doing this whole "see what happens" thing? Because, squee!
Yet another internet stranger--I'm so sorry about your loss but excited about your hope for the future.
Condolences and hugs for both of you. Condolences to your cats too, because, ruffles? The cats can't be too happy about that.
I am so sorry to hear this. Good luck the next time around - we're all rooting for you both!
Oh, Leah. I'm so sorry. I don't really know what to say other than that. I'm sorry for you and Simon's loss. And that I hope the future brings lots of happiness and chubby babies your way.
I'm sorry for your loss, and applaud your humor during this challenging time. May the next one stick, indeed! We are all hoping that, next time, when you're ready, that it's go-go-go!!
Take it easy and rest (oops, sorry, that's advice)... I mean, well, you know what I mean.
I am sorry for your miscarriage.
But, won’t be reading you anymore. When I started to read this right after I felt bad for you, I thought—what a hypocritical bitch!
You need to apologize to all those people you yelled at and basically told to f-off and not read you when they all suggested that you were pregnant because of your moodiness.
Apparently you were.
p.s. if you can commit to a house you should at least commit to getting married for the child. I’m sure your Mormon family just loves to know not only do you live in sin you’re having children out of wedlock. Sure marriage doesn’t really matter now, but when your child grows up hearing you call each other boyfriend and girlfriend it will eventually matter.
to the above poster: do the math! when Leah posted that post (18th October) she wasn't pregnant. Not that it would have been any of our business anyways.
(but Leah, if I were you, I'd use the delete button! (and then feel free to delete this as well so that it makes sense)).
I'm not sure if condolences from a stranger are anything but weird, but I really wanted to tell you that I am truly sorry. You actually made me tear up over my tea. Fortunately I'm at home. :0)
I also wanted to tell you how much I admire your courage/positivity. I've recently been through a major disappointment and even though it was not nearly as significant as yours, I did not handle it with anywhere near as much grace and understanding.
I'm so sorry. Sending you internet hugs!
You are very brave to be so open about this. My condolences.
I kinda wish there was a magical delete button other people could use so that Leah wouldn't have to read a comment like otherLeah's, especially on a day like this :(
Thanks to (almost) all of you.
I'm very sorry to hear this. As you know we had a similar experience and I wouldn't wish this on anyone. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know.
So sorry to hear ... hang in there.
I'm so sorry to hear about this, Leah. From what you have said on here it sounds like you want this so badly. I'm thinking of you and Simon and hoping that next time we hear about it, there is a bun well and truly in the oven :)
I, too, send you & Simon e-condolences. I know it must be such a disappointment. At the same time, you have a great outlook. And thanks for your honesty.
Oh, and one more thing -
Keep trying! If anything, because the babymaking process is fun!
(Was that advice? Hmm, yes. I think it was)
so sorry to hear. hugs!
I'm sorry, Leah! Don't read anything into this. (oops, advice, sorry). Best wishes for future conceptions!
Man, that completely and totally sucks. I'm terribly sorry to hear this.
I'm so sorry :(
Super crappy. Thanks for sharing with us.
If you really think Leah’s comment is bad why are you leaving it up? To gain my sympathy? You’re an odd duck Lisa.
Your entry, on Oct 18 saying “I don’t want to rude you’ all but I’m not pregnant” was within the realm of the term of the pregnancy that just miscarried. So to the person who said that the dates didn’t co-incide, you’re WRONG. Now I’m not saying you have to reveal EVERYTHING to the internet but apparently you and Dooce feel the need to share these things. Some things should remain between a couple. I probably wouldn’t feel this way expect [ed. redacted]. Second you got all nasty and pretty pious with everyone when they suggested kindly and well meaning that you might be just that. So you want to mean to people and think that less than two months later you can come back and say….give me love internet I’m pregnant, I knew it all along. You expect that it’s okay to stomp on nice people’s toes and that we should all just move along and let you have your moment.
I must add to the other Leah’s comment, you can commit to a buying a house and you committed to making a baby you should commit to getting married. Lord knows you’ve said it a million times that you want that dream of family and home, so you’re just going to settle on getting knocked up? Nice example there, future mom.
Oh, Leah. I'm so sorry for what you've been through and I wish you all the luck in the world. As the product of the third pregnancy that "stuck" after two miscarriages, my mom went on to have not only a wonderful pregnancy with me but also my brother and my sister.
I send very positive vibes to you from the east coast.
Also, that is going to be one absolutely stunning baby.
So sorry to hear this. I just went through the same thing about a month ago - miscarried at eight weeks. It sucks, that's all there is to it. Enjoy a cocktail or two and stay hopeful for next time. It's all you can do.
Sorry that you've gone through this. You and Simon are in our thoughts. Chris and I will be sending hopeful wishes across this big world of ours that your dream comes true sooner rather than later. *hugs*
It is beyond me why anyone feels they have the right to judge your life's decisions. (eyes rolling)
My thoughts are also with you guys while you deal with this. It's tough. You'll get through it together and come out the other side stronger than ever, a family.
Aww, I'm sorry sweetie. Hugs!
Hugs to you both.
You are being incredibly strong through this...or at least, you're showing it here. Positive thoughts!
I am so sorry.
My family is living proof that a loss like this can have happy, healthy endings. We went through our own bout of bad news about six years ago. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.
That really stinks! At least you are doing ok and healthy...Not ever being pregnant, or even being in the near future I don't have the perspective of so many others. But I will say that when you are holding your baby that was meant to be in this world, all this will seem like it happened a lifetime ago...
oh... I'm so sorry!
:(
I know I am way late. But I am also sending way big love your way. It is sad, and disappointing and it sucks. My advice is tequila. And more love. You are terrifically awesome you know.
Oh suckity suck suck...I stay away for a couple of days and I missed this. I'm so sorry. It sucks and that's all there is too it. You are amazing though - your spirit & attitude are something to be admired. Who knows why this happened but I'm sure that soon you'll be back at it and gestating in no time. :) Hugs from Minnesota.
This is heartbreaking. I'll be keeping my fingers (and anything else I can think of) crossed for you both. Maybe the third time'll be the charm!
Sorry to hear about this Leah. Good luck for the next try.
Oh, Leah. I am SO sorry and sad to read this. (I am late to the commenting game, with catching up on my reading here)
Take care of yourself - this is a tough time of year anyway.
And yes, the champagne is a pro - you can celebrate New Year's in style, at least. Treat yourself to something nice - a Veuve Clicquot, perhaps? My personal favorite.
Again, hang in there and am so sorry for your loss.
I've been away from the internet for 12 days and utterly missed this. I'm so sorry to hear about it, but I'm also so glad that you're surviving and looking brightly toward the future. A new year (especially, as others have noted, following a New Year celebrated with lovely alcoholic beverages) is, after hall, a marvelous time to start fresh and go for it!
All the best, all the way from Roma.
Oh, hon, I'm so sorry for you & Simon and also for how LATE I am in reading this! Finally catching up on my blogs...I'm thinking of you both and am *ALSO* glad you won't be in stirrups for BlogHer08. (Though I've got dibs on drinking your wine in case you're "not in a condition to do so" during it! :) )xoxo