September 14, 2007
Pop Clutter
The definition of a dilemma is having to choose between two equally desireable or two equally undesireable options. Think "You can either eat this pie or you can eat this cake" and "You can either clean the clogged bathtub drain with your toothbrush or clean the clogged bathtub drain with your lollipop." In a perfect world, I would have both pie and cake, and I would never have to clean the clogged bathtub drain ever, under any circumstance, but alas the world is askew, as evidenced by the fact that earlier this week I actually turned down a piece of chocolate birthday cake at work because Simon and I were still chipping away at our chocolate housewarming cake four days later. Refuse cake? I? There's something rotten in the state of Denmark, and I think it's my priorities. Also perhaps my molars.
Anyhow, now that we know what a dilemma is, I'm wondering if anyone can tell me what we call a situation in which a person must choose between one desireable thing--a very, very desirable thing--and one undesireable thing--a kick-in-the-teeth undesireable thing--which just so happens to be mutually inclusive with the very, very desireable thing. Is there a word or a phrase to describe this predicament? Oh, wait, here it is: 3:10 to Yuma. Oh me, do I love Christian Bale more than I hate Russell Crowe? I don't know! I can't decide! Agony! Might as well have called the movie Sophie's Choice for all the anguish up in here.
***
Teddy said something the other day about Eve (that would be our cat) needing a younger sibling to push around. (I presume this was said in the context of his own younger sibiling having just moved crosscountry to be his new roommate/patsy.)
"Well..." I said, "she just might be getting two little siblings sometime soon..."
"Oh my god, you're not pregnant, are you?!"
"No. I was talking about feline sibilings--although how cool would it be if I got pregnant with kittens?!"
And then I laughed as convincing a laugh as I could muster in hopes that they wouldn't detect the undertone of truth in my voice, because, seriously, can you imagine?! Pregnant with KITTENS?! (What is the opposite of a dilemma? Too much of a good thing?)
***
When two or more people spend a lot of time alone together, a personalized lexicon is bound to emerge (see: "Sucks to your ass-mar," "You're schmoopy," etc.). Simon and I are guilty of this, to be sure, but lately our private jargon has taken a turn for the embarrassingly pop-cultural--specifically, these days we're talking to each other in commericals and YouTube clips and, god help us, Cute Overload captions. (Every time I try to say "Cute Overload," I accidentally say "Cute Overlord." Does this happen to you?)
We slip in "nom, nom, nom" at least a dozen times a day--"I love you, nom nom nom"; "Take out the garbage, nom nom nom." We also frequently start sentences with a hair flip and an "I personally believe..." in our best Suuuthen axaints. We hang up on each other mid-conversation--or sometimes before the conversation has even begun--with "Can't talk now!" which is something we got from a commerical for a product or service we can't even remember. (Entertainment: yes. Marketing: FAIL.) Even worse, the lingo has begun to hybridize: "Sorry, Roger, you tiger now" and "I like turtles" has become "Sorry, Leah, you turtle now."
These are the things I'm putting in the time capsule for September 2007. Anything you'd like to add, nom nom nom?
Posted by Leah at September 14, 2007 01:35 PMFlippin' adorable.
Posted by: Kiraa at September 14, 2007 02:10 PMThough we do share pop culture jargon, our personalized lexicon can best be described as "pinging" off one another using the words meep, toast, flerp, and pants.
Because we're weird.
Posted by: Emily at September 14, 2007 02:29 PMWe recently got a Nintendo Wii, and one of its gimmicks is that you can create a Mii (a character that looks like you). We may have gone a little Mii-crazy, creating not only Roger the Tiger but Tyra Banks (complete with crazy-high forehead), Hurley from Lost, Michael Jackson, and many others.
The pop culture, it overwhelms me sometimes...
Posted by: One Smart Cookie at September 14, 2007 04:19 PMIf someone gave me a baby to dress for Halloween, I'd get some black body paint and a nametag that says "Hello, my name is Roger."
(Hide your children.)
Posted by: Leah at September 14, 2007 04:33 PMEmily fails to mention that we also ascribe voices to our cats in LOLcat-speak. Because we're, as she says, weird.
Posted by: Doola! at September 14, 2007 04:43 PMWe have a show up here in Canada (which I hate) called trailer park boys. My boyfriend takes lines from movies and tv shows and throws them into conversation. The other day the phone rang, he thought it was me and answered the phone "Bitch where are you?" (doing one of his lines from trailer park boys) but it was not me, it was my boss. Awesome.
I've always loved how we could have our own little talk with each other but that day I was so embarassed.
I have a friend whose recurring dream is that she gives birth to a litter of puppies. Maybe kittens are possible too!
Posted by: Jodi at September 15, 2007 10:42 AMWhatever, I still start most sentences at home with "OH HAI".
Also when I have nothing pertinent to contribute I just sigh and say "Oh don piano".
We are SO ready to get a cat.
Posted by: Krissa at September 15, 2007 11:09 AMWow, "sucks to your ass-mar" was driving me CRAZY until I googled it!
Sean and I say "sorry Roger, you tiger now" to each other all the time. And "yis" instead of "yes" (Flight of the Conchords). And oh, there are so many others. I live in fear of the time we accidentally let them slip in public. ("Ooh, sorry, is my pop culture showing?")
Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires at September 15, 2007 11:56 PMI will not even begin to guess what percentage of my at-home sentences include a grammatically incorrect has. I can has pancakes? I am hasing tea. Walter is hasing a nap. It is out of control.
Posted by: Kate at September 16, 2007 07:01 AMI say and type cuteoverlord.com ALL THE TIME.
Inside jokes are only usually humourous to those, well, inside. When explained in context, we get a laugh too. Mark and I usually butcher French phrases or words, you know, because we are Canadian.
Posted by: jenB at September 16, 2007 04:43 PMHave I even mentioned that you and Simon are quite possibly one of my favorite couples ever? Because you are.
Posted by: Heather B. at September 16, 2007 06:13 PMI was thinking the kind of choice you were trying to name could be a Hobson's choice, but it's not quite. http://m-w.com/dictionary/hobson's%20choice. Maybe it's just like a Senate Bill -- you can have what you want if we get to tack on all the objectionable things we want.
Posted by: Linda at September 16, 2007 08:10 PMThose aren't tears... its just raining - on my face.
Posted by: Anna at September 18, 2007 01:11 AM1. I think I might hate RC more than I love CB. Maybe.
2. I had to put my cat to sleep two years ago; it was AWFUL. Anyway, my roommate, the one I don't like, is allergic to cats and I can't get a kitty till my boyfriend and I buy a house. I have had kitten dreams once a week for the last three months, for real.
3. My boyf and I will regularly say to each other, "No, YOU push it. You push it REAL GOOD." We love the Slowskys.
Posted by: Ky Eliza at September 18, 2007 10:52 AMA kitten pregnancy might end well (I bet they squirt out better than human kiddos), but gestation would be confusing.
Por ejemplo: "Am I hungry or is it just the litter meowing?"
Posted by: Texas T-bone at September 20, 2007 06:38 AMI don't think I've ever *said* "cute overlord," but I've most definitely typed it (and determined that yes, that site is being squatted upon).
And yeah, my guy and I also reference a number of pop culture-y type things on a regular basis, though they're almost exclusively internet-based (most common lately: "DO NOT WANT") or movie quotes, since we don't have a TV here in Rome. We can get seriously out-of-control annoying with the movie quotes, and we try really hard not to gain too much momentum when other people are around, but sometimes...we fail.
Posted by: no name slob at September 26, 2007 11:00 PM
