August 08, 2007
Lincoln Slept Here
If you watch a lot of home reno/design/decorating shows (and I highly recommend you do), you're most likely aware of the unspoken Bedroom Rule, which states that all adult bedrooms, regardless of the size, shape, or architecture of the structure, or of the age, gender, or personal taste of its occupants, must be designed with all of the following in mind: it must be (1) an oasis, (2) a sanctuary, and (3) a retreat.
Yes, these are all kind of the same thing, but that's just part of the true beauty of the Bedroom Rule: redundancy (repeated redundancy) is not only a side-effect, it's a requirement. Tell the designers, "Please make my bedroom a sanctuary," and then they'll say, "Yes, a retreat," and then it's your turn, so you say, "Yes. An oasis." This is just how it works.
Within the boundaries of the Bedroom Rule, you are of course allowed some leeway. You can have a tiki-themed oasis or a Moroccan-themed sanctuary or a French-country-themed retreat. Please note, however, that if you so much as suggest that it might be fun to have a disco bedroom with glow-in-the-dark wallpaper and possibly a go-go cage in the corner, you will be put firmly in your place by the experts--your place being between two pillows swathed in shams you sewed yourself (or more likely sewed by your male S.O., for apparently the way HGTV reparates hundreds of thousands of years of male domination is to make all boys sew pillowcases with a needle and thread and no thimble). The pillows, by the way, will pick up the accent colors in the rug/fabric headboard/accent wall/"window treatments" (HATE) and will, whether you like it or not, make the room "pop." Do not be alarmed. It won't hurt. Much.
I mention all of this not to pull up the shade on my current television-watching habits or as a way to introduce a discussion on the state of our master bedroom decor (i.e., the decor of our master bedroom). Here is what it looks like:
Just kidding. That's actually a shot of one of the miniature rooms at the Art Institute of Chicago. Everything is scaled to one inch per foot.
Our real bedroom is currently decorated with a 5x5x3 (that's feet, not inches) pile of clothes in one corner and, on the wall above our headboard, a framed print of Muhammad Ali standing triumphant over a crumpled Sonny Liston. This one, actually (which I guess is better than this one, which can only be seen for what it is--a fight--whereas the other one lends itself to backstories involving sweet dreams and sugarplums, depending on how creative you are as you're trying to go to sleep). Simon thinks it's funny. I think it's temporary. (Anyone care to guess how long it will it take me to coerce an Ikea exec to reinstate production of the black-brown Hemnes canopy bed?)
Anyway, it's the guest bedroom I want to show you.
We started fixing up the guest room last weekend (aka, treating it as livable space rather than as a dumping ground for unopened boxes and fifty frajillion garbage bags full of blankets, each one of them sentimental and therefore impossible to give away), but since we're still a ways off from "designing" a room I've already gone an entire week without stepping foot in, the plan for now is to just set it up with what we already have and call it good enough. We have three sets of guests (maybe four?) scheduled to descend upon it in the next four weeks, and I at least wanted to have sheets on the futon before the first of them arrive.
On Sunday I unpacked boxes, moved others into the crawlspace, made the bed, and hung a few things from the nails already in the walls and ceiling. The cat smushed around on the comforter and declared it good. It wasn't until Simon came across the Swiss flag I'd brought back from my study abroad in 2000 that I realized a theme for the room had emerged organically from our existing crap: with a crisp white-and-blue striped duvet and matching pillows, an authentic cuckoo clock from the Old Country, a small rug featuring a mighty stag, and classic French prints on the walls, it turns out we had created our own little alpine chalet! All we need now is a St. Bernard to sit at attention in the corner and try not to drool too much. And maybe a beer wench. Or at least a beer wench costume...
Our Swiss chalet was short-lived, however, as soon enough we were unpacking the nargilehs and the Turkish lanterns and the India-via-Africa wall hanging, and well, it was good while it lasted because who ever heard of a Middle Eastern ski cabin? Pardon me--a Middle Eastern ski cabin oasis.
Nevertheless, here's what you'll see when you come to visit:
Bedside reading material includes: comic strip collections, literary short stories, trashy short stories, picture books, a Playboy from 1993, and more upon request.
Posted by Leah at August 8, 2007 04:24 PMWow, that looks so cozy! And Lowly Worm is on the bed!
We've just decided that our spare bedroom will become a second office. Because we NEVER have overnight guests.
Posted by: Assertagirl at August 8, 2007 05:33 PMI love that you included an old Playboy in the reading material. There's always something weirdly illicit in reading what's left in a guest room, even when you know it's left out on purpose, and the Playboy works so perfectly with that.
A porn oasis!
Posted by: Kizz at August 8, 2007 06:01 PMWow! I would love to stay in that room-- so sweet and cozy. If, like, I actually knew you and stuff.
The bedside reading material might be one of my favorite touches, but the cuckoo clock is also beyond cool.
Posted by: Ky Eliza at August 8, 2007 06:29 PMI don't know if you ever visit the apartment therapy site, but they have a great book that would be really helpful for decorating a brand new place.
I've used it for our apartment, just to make it more functional and more aesthetically pleasing and the book was a huge help. There's a program for fixing up one room very thoroughly and one for doing the whole house. I LOVE the book. Anyway, just a thought . . .
Would it be weird if I came to visit from just over the bay? And left with one of the Turkish lanterns sticking not-very-subtly out of my back pocket? They're gorgeous. Job well done! HGTV would be very proud.
Was '93 pre-fake-boobies?
Eh. All I have to say is anyone with a Lowly Worm Doll is a fan of mine.
And I've never heard the retreat/sanctuary/oasis thing. Call me enlightened. Although that's usually how I think about bathrooms.
Heh.
Posted by: Motherhood Uncensored at August 8, 2007 08:09 PMWe're contemplating a family road trip to California next year (Honey's Uncle and family are in San Diego).
Have you got room for a party of five?
If so, I'll request some baby board books. You'll need them one day anyway ;)
Posted by: Angella at August 8, 2007 09:00 PMAm I the only one who totally believed that first photo was your actual bedroom? I was like, "Hmmm, that's not what I would have pictured for them but I suppose it's cozy, and oasis-y."
Posted by: Amanda at August 8, 2007 09:42 PMI'm pretty sure there were fake boobs in '93.
Posted by: aliastaken at August 9, 2007 06:15 AMSigh. LOVE.
And also, I work on one of those home design shows. Not as a designer, obviously, but still - you get my seal of approval.
Posted by: Clink at August 9, 2007 06:51 AMI'm frankly just shocked that you have a real bed for the guest room. . .I can't even fathom that, seeing as we don't even have a real bed for our own master bedroom (fortunately, we do have a metal frame base, so it's not like our mattress and boxsprings are sitting on the floor).
Looks great!
Posted by: Janssen at August 9, 2007 07:13 AMOoh! Lowly worm!
(I'm calling dibs on the porn; Dan can read the comics and we'll call it a day)
So excited!
Posted by: Emily at August 9, 2007 07:45 AMSo I saw the picture of the tiny room and I totally thought that was actually your room for like two and a half seconds and I freaked out a little because oh my God, who has a room like that? WOW.
Your guesty bedroom looks very cozy and comfortable, which are two qualities a guest bedroom should definitely have. Along with "oasis" and "sanctuary," etc.
Posted by: whitney at August 9, 2007 09:31 AMI just have to say that I adore the Thorne Miniature Rooms
Posted by: Joseph J. Finn at August 9, 2007 09:43 AMNothing But Bonfires--Don't give us reason to strip-search you, because we totally will.
Motherhood Uncensored--I actually didn't notice whether the boobs were fake or not because all I could see was bush.
Angella--I have an entire bookshelf full of children's books, so no worries there. And we definitely have room for all of you if your boys don't mind sleeping in the tree house...
Janssen--It's a futon. The one that used to be in our kitchen. Does that still count as a real bed?
Posted by: Leah at August 9, 2007 10:22 AMIt cracks me up when folks on HGTV try to define what should one's "sanctuary". My "sanctuary" definitely has a TV in it, piles of books and even my kid's toys. In fact, my husband and I LOVE to lay on our bed, watching some TV while our son climbs all over playing with his trucks. And we still managed to "create" two children using that same bed, so we must be doing something right. :-)
Posted by: cagey at August 9, 2007 12:25 PMI dig the funky guest room, looks fun and cozy.
Posted by: watersign at August 9, 2007 07:59 PMI love Lowly Worm!!
Looks like a fabulously cozy guest room.
Posted by: carrster at August 10, 2007 08:37 AMYour guest room looks really inviting. We try to feature lumpy mattresses in ours so that guests won't wear out their welcomes.
The only "rule" we have for our bedroom is that we don't want a TV in there. The master bedroom is for sleeping, resting, comforting sick kids, getting dressed or (when no kids are in there, of course) getting undressed for some adult time. However, with our second kid's birth, our large home office became a guest room. That forced the computer into our bedroom, but we only do fun, oasis-y things on it, I swear.
Posted by: Texas T-bone at August 10, 2007 09:04 AMsweet guest bedroom! you guys are real grownups ;)
Posted by: ann Benoit at August 10, 2007 11:11 AMOh yes, I'm coming to San Francisco. I keep forgetting because I'm relishing in being sationary for an entire 20 days. So far, so good.
Anyway, that guest bedroom is looking so very tempting. And well you've moved all the boxes so it would be rude of me not to stay the night...
Posted by: Heather B. at August 10, 2007 07:14 PMOh yes, I'm coming to San Francisco. I keep forgetting because I'm relishing in being sationary for an entire 20 days. So far, so good.
Anyway, that guest bedroom is looking so very tempting. And well you've moved all the boxes so it would be rude of me not to stay the night...
Posted by: Heather B. at August 10, 2007 07:14 PMOh yes, I'm coming to San Francisco. I keep forgetting because I'm relishing in being sationary for an entire 20 days. So far, so good.
Anyway, that guest bedroom is looking so very tempting. And well you've moved all the boxes so it would be rude of me not to stay the night...
Posted by: Heather B. at August 10, 2007 07:14 PMOh yes, I'm coming to San Francisco. I keep forgetting because I'm relishing in being sationary for an entire 20 days. So far, so good.
Anyway, that guest bedroom is looking so very tempting. And well you've moved all the boxes so it would be rude of me not to stay the night...
Posted by: Heather B. at August 10, 2007 07:14 PMI'd give my eyeteeth for a guest bedroom.
I have two extra bedrooms...but my children insist on occupying them. Buggers.
Not a thing serene about either room...strewn with candy wrappers, pics of Britney Spears, dirty socks and the walls...ike..one is lime green, the other, military green.
I'd much rather create an OASIS.
Snicker. I like yours though. Especially since it comes with porn.
Posted by: Redneck Mommy at August 11, 2007 08:31 AMOooh, I like! I like! It actually does feel...retreatish if you will.
Posted by: Kiraa at August 13, 2007 09:12 AMWait...you have a spare room? God, we just have to put guests on the floor and then step on their heads in the morning. Ahhh...the wonders of the east bay. SPACE!
I think you should put up some Asian rice paper scrolls too. And maybe an Aztec print or an ostrich egg. Then you'll have every continent! It can be Bedroom of the World. Hmmm...that sounds sort of orgy-ish. Better and better.
Posted by: Jemima at August 13, 2007 09:37 AMOh, and that miniature bedroom photo was really scary there for a minute.
Posted by: Jemima at August 13, 2007 09:38 AM
