July 26, 2007

Material Girl

I was heading to the grocery store for some last-minute items, so I called Simon to see if there was anything he needed. "Just a cucumber, for a Big-Ass Salad™," he said. It sounded innocent enough, but it turned out to be icing on an Embarassing Cake. Observe, the whole of my purchase:


And with that, I'm a lonely girl with forty cats, an eating disorder, and halitosis. Awesome.

Posted by Leah at July 26, 2007 12:48 PM
Comments

I have actually bought something "inoffensive" to "balance" out my "curious" items at the grocery store, lest I be judged by the cashier or the bagger.

Hi, I'm a Libra and I need constant approval.

That issue of Cosmo was astoundingly bad, however. Though M and I did have a great time reading the "How To Get Him Hot" article (or some variation thereof) together. I highly recommend it for its comedic value.

Enjoy BlogHer!

Posted by: Clink at July 26, 2007 03:06 PM

you should have thrown in a box of condoms. at least then you wouldn't have been lonely. :)

Posted by: this charming man at July 26, 2007 03:08 PM

Homer (trying to casually buy illegal fireworks): Let me have one of those porno magazines... large box of condoms... a bottle of Old Harper... a couple of those panty shields... and some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas. Eh, make it two.

Later...

Marge (seeing Homer's purchases): I don't know what you've got planned for tonight, Homer, but count me out.

Posted by: Joseph J. Finn at July 26, 2007 03:38 PM

When I first looked at the items on the table... I thought the toothpaste was Monistat (sp?) and laughed out loud and thought to myself, 'Pretty freakin' ballsy of her to put Monistat right there with her cucumber and Cosmo.'
lol

Posted by: Natalie at July 26, 2007 03:46 PM

NOTHING I mean nothing tops the guy I saw shortly after we moved to this town. He was buying a dozen roses, mints and a container of vaseline.

I rest my case.

Posted by: Michele at July 26, 2007 03:50 PM

Once, when we were first dating, Lance and I went to Target. We happily purchased our items, but as we walked out, we realized how bad they looked: a huge jug of water, a roll of film, and condoms. We were laughing all the way home.

Posted by: Katrina at July 26, 2007 06:00 PM

Yeah, I totally went somewhere else with that cumcumber. Eating disorder never enterred my mind.

Posted by: Ky Eliza at July 27, 2007 08:15 AM

Eating disorder = celery and TicTacs. The cucumber is...well, sometimes a cucumber is just a cucumber.

Posted by: Leah at July 27, 2007 08:41 AM

I thought the celery might be for self-foreplay or something. But at least you'll have clean teeth and minty-fresh breath (or the 40 cats will).

Posted by: Texas T-bone at July 27, 2007 09:13 AM

I think we've all made a couple of purchases like that.

Posted by: Chris Cactus at July 27, 2007 10:06 AM

T-Bone: When people here (at BlogHer) see my site address, about 75 percent of them ask if I have a boy and a girl (meaning kids, obvs). They asked that last year too. Hopefully it'll work out that way eventually and you can all ooh and ahh at my astounding powers of prescience.

Posted by: Simon at July 27, 2007 02:01 PM

Oops--that was me.

Posted by: Leah at July 27, 2007 02:03 PM

am i going crazy or did there used to be a comment in this thread about how someone didn't much care for the iams brand of pet food?. . . i only ask 'cuz i was wondering what it was that was so bad about it. . .

Posted by: bloopy at July 28, 2007 05:45 AM

Um, that's weird. I read that comment too, and I have no idea where it went!

Posted by: Leah at July 31, 2007 12:08 PM

Ah ha, it's on the Flickr link.

Posted by: Leah at July 31, 2007 12:12 PM