June 06, 2007

Tenterhooks

Back in the olden days, when your textiles were handwoven by handmaidens instead of spit out by machines in China, operated 24/7 by orphans with no hands, the finished cloth was often stretched into shape on a wooden frame called a tenter. The hooks that held the fabric to the tenter were called, of course, tenterhooks. Ergo, to be suspended in a state of elastic taughtness is "to be on tenterhooks."

The word tenter comes from the Latin tenere--to stretch, to hold--which gave us "tent," "tenure," and "tension." (Tension! Yes! It is flowing through my veins at this very moment as we approach 5 p.m. Pacific Standard Time!) Now tenere, over time and via les francaises, gave way to tendere, through which we arrive at "tender," the verb meaning "to offer," "to bid," or, more literally, "to stretch forth" (as when one tenders a resignation), and also "tender" the noun, as in legal tender, aka something offered up (aka tendered!) in exchange for something else (see also: money).

In the past forty-eight hours since we tendered our tender, we have been tender (adj., fragile, delicate), tense, and caught fast on those proverbial tenterhooks (or should we call them tenderhooks?). We have also been (and still are) tenacious. There is nothing to do but wait and clench our fists to the point of carpal tunnel tendonitis.

In the meantime, a game:

Match characters 1 through 3 with statements A through D:

1. Leah
2. Simon
3. Simon's mom

A. You can look up neighborhood crime stats for all kinds of things--murder, rape, grand theft auto. Ooh, and gambling! I wonder if there's a checkbox for cussin'?

B. [X] wants to turn the chicken coop into a sauna (er...replace the chicken coop with a sauna, I guess), but I have other plans: (a) fill the coop with life-sized ceramic chickens from Pottery Barn, what a lark! or (b) make it home to a potbellied pig named Hamlet.

C. What's more exciting than buying a house?
D. A hooker with three tits.*

*Simon didn't want me to blog this because it wasn't original material. I told him most people wouldn't get it. He said you would. So, did you?

Posted by Leah at June 6, 2007 03:04 PM
Comments

A- Simon's Mom
B- Leah
C & D: Simon

Posted by: will at June 6, 2007 03:08 PM

re: the hooker with three tits. . . at first i thought of mallrats, but then i remembered not only was the person in question a fortune teller and not a hooker, but it was also just a 3rd nipple and not a full boob. . . same with chandler. . . and marky mark. . . well, minus the fortune telling part. . .

which then made me think either horror or sci fi. . . then i thought star trek but then they were always kind of tame with the sex thing - the most exotic probably being the green-skinned chick. . .

so then i went thru a list of movies that could've had a three-boobie hooker - blade runner?. . . serenity?. . . star wars?. . . buckaroo banzai?. . . remains of the day?. . . total recall? . . . cheech & chong?. . . pooh and the three-titted transvestite heffalump whore?. . .

sad to say that my kung fu is weak. . .

Posted by: bloopy at June 6, 2007 04:13 PM

I concur with Will's matches. Let us know if you hear anything A.S.A.P.

Posted by: Ted at June 6, 2007 04:16 PM

I believe it's a reference to the Rt. Hon. Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's 1991 sci-fi classic, "Total Recall," wherein the Governor of the Great State of California communed with a Cabbage Patch Doll growing out of some dude's chest and had a knock-down drag-out fight with Sharon Stone.

"See yoo aht da paahty, Richtor..."

Posted by: Doola! at June 6, 2007 05:36 PM

Way to go Doola!

Posted by: Simon at June 6, 2007 06:01 PM

total recall!!! and it is referenced in the new movie "knocked up."

Posted by: jeorg at June 6, 2007 06:48 PM

It's after 5 pm!!!!!

Posted by: beck at June 6, 2007 07:07 PM

I knew that movie reference but I don't know why I remembered it. Funny the things our brains file away.
Soooo is there an update??

Posted by: Teej at June 6, 2007 07:19 PM

ohmygod, I am away from the internets for a few brief days and look what happens? I miss the big news! So exciting, speaking as one who has spent the last 10 days scrubbing, painting, edging, sanding, painting, weeping and shelling out lots of cash..... buying a home is super exciting, super exhausting but the best thing ever. I will cross everything for you guys and await an update eagerly!

Posted by: The Real Mrs White at June 7, 2007 03:15 AM

There's also a reference in Legally Blonde. "What's she got that you don't? Three tits?"

Hope all went well...

Posted by: Ky at June 7, 2007 08:17 AM

Wishing you positive vibes! It's hard to believe only a month ago we were on the same pins and needles.. waiting, hoping that our offer would be accepted. Good luck to you and best wishes on all your remodeling dreams!

Posted by: Andrea at June 7, 2007 08:57 AM

Wishing you positive vibes! It's hard to believe only a month ago we were on the same pins and needles.. waiting, hoping that our offer would be accepted. Good luck to you and best wishes on all your remodeling dreams!

Posted by: Andrea at June 7, 2007 08:57 AM

I can't stand it anymore!!! Did you guys get it?!

Posted by: Jessica at June 7, 2007 12:08 PM