May 25, 2007

Eat to Live

Here's something I do (often) (that I'm not proud of): for breakfast I drink a mug of tea and maybe eat a cup of cereal (I'm not a breakfast person)* and then I go to work where, for the next five or six hours, I keep myself upright and functioning via granola bars and whatever random snacks or treats happen to be in my vicinity (today it was the See's softies a coworker bought on his way back to the office from a dental appointment; ha!). If I've brought lunch from home (Lean Cuisine pizzas or TJ's frozen burritos), I eat that at around 2 or 3 p.m.; the time varies because I always seem to hold off lunch until my hands are shaking and my eyes are rolling back in their sockets because they lack sufficient joules to stay pointed forward and in focus. Right now it's 4:04 p.m. and in the last six hours I have had three See's softies, two granola bars, and no lunch.

Why do I do this? Why do I do this all the time?

1. I'm busy. The sooner I get my work done, the faster it's off my desk and I can stop worrying about it. If that means no food or bathroom breaks then so be it. (Read: I am crazy, and also dumb, for surely the commas and semicolons can wait for two minutes while I tend to my bladder!) This is probably a rationalization, although one that doesn't seem to serve any practical purpose.

2. I'm lazy. It's, like, forty steps between my office and the kitchen. And, like, thirty steps and an elevator ride and any number of blocks to get to McDonald's. Plus the walk back. Not to mention the cat-calls and thieving thugs along the way. I get sweaty palms just thinking about it.

3. I'm cheap. If I can fill up for $.89 (can of chili, bowl of cereal, quesedilla), why should I pay $7 for a burrito, even if I can stretch it over two days? I hate paying for things that will turn into poo no matter what they were or how much they cost in their original form. I eat to live, not the other way around.

4. I've written about the IBS before, and on some days that basically amounts to my being afraid of food. It's gotten better over the past year (paradoxically, a high-fiber diet has seemed to help), but there's still always that lingering anxiety that whatever I put into my mouth will either make me feel like crap for the rest of the day or, pardon me, be crap five minutes later. (Is that even possible? I assure you that it is.)

I don't think any of the above qualifies as a disorder, since I don't obsess over it or get off on it or use it to make value judgements about my self-worth or anything like that. Although there are certainly parts of my body I'd like to lift and/or shape, I'm happy with my weight (which stays the same no matter what I eat; thanks genetics!), so that's not it. I never fast or starve myself or counter with bouts of ravenous feasting, so there's no real "abuse" going on. But even though I keep a steady stream of "safe" food in my system (the aforementioned granola bars (made with organic grains!)), I know that what I'm doing isn't healthy. Woman can not live on granola bars alone.

I don't really know what my point is except to say that it is now 4:36 and I'm definitely light-headed. But not hungry since I just had another piece of candy and a glass of water, see? Besides, I'm going home in thirty minutes to have dinner with Simon (dinners are usually balanced and of adequate size), so it would be a waste to take fifteen minutes to run out and grab a sandwich that will cost $7 and probably give me cramping gas on the train ride home. See how my mind works? Aren't you glad you're not me?

While I was writing that last paragraph, I kind of hoped a point would emerge from the blather, but apparently not. This is just a weird, unhealthy, dumb thing I do that Simon will be happy to hear (again) that I fully acknowledge as weird, unhealthy, dumb and deserving of steps toward change.

*When I say I'm not a breakfast person, I mean that I don't like to eat early in the morning, and certainly not in great quantities. Going out and paying for eggs and bacon and sausage and pancakes and o.j. before noon sounds like torture to me. I can (and do!), however, eat cereal at all hours of the day and night.

Posted by Leah at May 25, 2007 04:49 PM
Comments

I do the same thing, but I eat a piece of string cheese or an apple at 11 AM and then I go to the gym and I am completely starving when I get back to work at 3 or 3:30 and I inhale my lunch. No granola bars for me; I have to look good in a bridesmaids dress in a few months. Ugh. I've started being better about bloodsugar-related stuff in the last few years because I've realized just how bad Unfed MLE can be (and again, sorry about that on Sunday; we just should have planned ahead better) and I try not to get to that point. For me it's some sort of pride or a power trip I play on myself or something that I can make myself wait until AFTER I exercise before I eat, and I know it's just not that healthy. Have you considered bringing some non-granola bar snacks with you that might stick with you a little longer? String cheese works well for me, because I am all about the protein, but I don't know what works for IBS.

Posted by: Emily at May 25, 2007 05:45 PM

i despise breakfast but i force myself to take in something. it is usually a dairy product. and i stuck a mini fridge and microwave in my office so i wouldn't have to the kitchen down the hall... do it. it will change your life!

Posted by: jeorg at May 25, 2007 06:13 PM

I usually don't eat anything until 5:00 or 6:00 pm (that's usually when I get hungry for the first time each day). That's really unhealthy and probably making it impossible for me to lose weight if what they say about your body going into starvation mode and clinging desperately to all available fat and not letting go is at all true.

At least you're putting something in there throughout the day. Maybe something a little healthier and less processed would be better. Like maybe some nuts, fruit, salad (brought from home to avoid outrageous by the ounce salad bar pricing) or even leftovers from your healthy dinners?

But, I'm sure there's worse things you could be doing to your body so all in all I (the expert, just kidding, I have no idea what I'm talking about) think your cereal and granola bars are fine. But then again that's coming from someone who starts eating at 6:00 pm and then continues eating well into the night, so what do I know?

Posted by: m at May 25, 2007 06:35 PM

Oh, the joys of IBS. I have to be within running distance of a bathroom at all times. How about that for too much information on a Friday evening?

Posted by: whoorl at May 25, 2007 06:38 PM

My husband has IBD - ulcerative colitis, to be specific - and hoo boy, it's horrible. He is constantly on some elimination diet or another, and it just sucks to be him, just SUCKS. I feel for you. Not that you need assvice of any kind, but slippery elm powder/extract has really helped him, although again, UC is different in that it brings um, the added bonus of blood and mucus (SORRY SORRY SORRY)

Anyway, I always bring my lunch from home. Always. I get a lot of shit for it, but honestly, it saves me a truckload of money, and I just don't enjoy daytime food that much, plus I'd rather save the time and just get my work done and get OUT of there.

Posted by: jonniker at May 25, 2007 06:51 PM

I just wanted to say that my brother has IBS too but he's taking 'Digestive Advantage IBS' pills (1x a day) and he no longer has to rush into the bathroom mid-conversation or worry about eating certain things anymore. It works great for him, so I thought I'd mention it and maybe you'll want to give it a try. (it's only like $10 for a 30 day supply at most drugstores)

Posted by: heather at May 25, 2007 06:57 PM

Making friends through discussing our bowels and the bowels of our loved ones...One of the many reasons I simply adore the internet. And youse guys!

Posted by: Leah at May 25, 2007 08:47 PM

I just reread the original entry, and it probably sounds like I never eat a proper lunch, which isn't true. I eat proper lunches when I bring food from home, and on the other days I usually drag myself out into the world for something or other, whether "proper" or not. I do still wait until I'm faint with hunger before I eat, though, which is just...weird. Although, now that I think about it, it's probably just procrastinating the potential of IBS disaster; if I don't eat, I don't feel like crap, right?

Also, I usually try to be healthy and nutritious with my snacks--apples, clementines, bell peppers, tomatoes, and sometimes yogurt or pudding snacks depending on if I can stand the texture that particular day (I go through phases where it grosses me out). Sometimes those things will set me off, though, which is why it's always safe to have a granola bar. Well, that or sushi.

Posted by: Leah at May 25, 2007 08:55 PM

Jonniker--What is this "daytime food" you speak of? I'm intruiged. Do you bring beef Wellington leftovers to work every day? Do you?

Posted by: Leah at May 25, 2007 08:59 PM

I am not a breakfast person if it means I have to make it myself...have been known to stand in front of the fridge long past the `close the door' beep standing in my PJ's just sighing at the thought of it all. I also prefer non breakfast food for brekky and breakfast food for lunch which is strange. To me, a bowl of muesli is way too rich and heavey for brekky but if there's half a serving of lasagne in the fridge left over from the night before then that's #1 on my list. I have cereal for lunch every day during the week. But if going out for breakfast is on the table (we find ourselves doing this every second weekend these days) then I love it :)

Posted by: Tan at May 25, 2007 10:01 PM

I love that I found your blog. Your pictures and your posts are so fun and refreshing to come across. And, by the way, in my opinion, points are highly overrated ... and I, for one, certainly don't think you are dumb. But I also think Jess is still going to come back to the CANCELED Gilmore Girls and give me my happy ending, so I should probably just shut up and read quietly ;)

Posted by: Jennie at May 26, 2007 12:56 AM

I love that I found your blog. Your pictures and your posts are so fun and refreshing to come across. And, by the way, in my opinion, points are highly overrated ... and I, for one, certainly don't think you are dumb. But I also think Jess is still going to come back to the CANCELED Gilmore Girls and give me my happy ending, so I should probably just shut up and read quietly ;)

Posted by: Jennie at May 26, 2007 12:56 AM

I love hearing about other peoples' food thoughts/habits. We're all so different.
Since being home with a baby all day I have found myself in a similar situation. I don't really sit down to eat lunch or breakfast (I too don't like to eat much first thing in the morn) but am just nibbling on goldfish crackers, licorice, and diet coke all day long. So I never really feel hungry nor satisfied. I don't like it.
You'd think that all this bird-like pecking throughout the day would make me slim, but you'd be mistaken. Maybe I should, I don't know, EAT A CARROT!

Posted by: Amanda at May 26, 2007 08:33 AM

You need to go bento!
http://tinyurl.com/yhdgpw

Posted by: jenijen at May 26, 2007 12:35 PM

I would love to go bento if someone else would make it for me. I can barely manage to throw a frozen burrito in my backpack let alone make eleven separate snacks and arrange them tastefully within containers that would have to be washed daily. Too much work!

Posted by: Leah at May 26, 2007 12:52 PM

Heh. I wish it were beef wellington, though sometimes it is leftovers. Most of the sad time, though, it's a Lean Cuisine or a WW Smart Ones and a bunch of fruit. Being on Weight Watchers, I want to *enjoy* my food, and during the day when I'm busy (sometimes eating in the car on the way to an assignment), the last thing I feel like doing is wasting precious, precious points.

Also, it's worth noting that I HATE breakfast, but also that I can't eat it. I take medication for my thyroid disease, which requires an empty stomach for at least an hour before I can eat anything. I don't know about you, but I get up, shower and get the hell out of the house in under an hour, and I am certainly not getting up earlier so I can make myself *breakfast*. I have coffee at work, and that's breakfast.

Posted by: jonniker at May 26, 2007 05:21 PM

Yep, same here. Eating to me is just wasted time; I'd always rather do it on the run or while multitasking--I always have lunch at my desk and if there's a drive-through option, I'm your girl. This drives Simon nuts, although he really should be grateful because it makes me a wonderfully cheap date!

Posted by: Leah at May 26, 2007 09:28 PM

I think eating is a waste of time to. Although, I'm getting better realizing that I will actually be more productive if I just eat the breakfast -- a big one -- and get it out of the way. It does give me more energy. But, most days, I let the morning slip by, as I'm busying doing tasks.

Posted by: SusieJ at May 27, 2007 07:18 AM

"I hate paying for things that will turn into poo no matter what they were or how much they cost in their original form."

Classic. And my thoughts exactly. :)

Posted by: Angella at May 28, 2007 12:35 PM

Hah! How I know your pain. It's funny how the shame of explosive diarrhea subsides after you've had 8 little boys laughing outside the bathroom door saying "Miss Rachel is busting ass!" (I used to work with kids.)

I did recently find a very helpful website about it. If you change one thing: Fibercon instead of Pepto. http://www.helpforibs.com/

Posted by: Rachel at May 28, 2007 01:57 PM

I bring my lunch everyday as well and everyday my new(ish) coworkers, look at me like I'm crazy. I also eat my breakfast (cup cereal w/milk and FULL of fiber) at work as well. So I'm that weird girl who eats at work a lot. Mostly because I'm too lazy to get up early and eat breakfast at home.

P.S. I had a filet o' fish today. It sadly will be my last for a while. Tears.

Posted by: Heather B. at May 28, 2007 03:59 PM

I never ate breakfast until I married someone who considers breakfast his favorite meal option of the day. I will still occasionally do dishes or something while the husband eats breakfast (we carpool to work) just because I don't feel like eating right out of bed. Just don't take away my daily chai tea or coffee!

I am apparently in the minority here, but I love to eat and I like to choose carefully where my calories are going (more so now that I'm older)... variety makes every meal interesting.

Posted by: leandra at May 29, 2007 06:41 AM

My eating habits stink during the work week, too. Balance Bars and diet soda at my desk for breakfast, yogurt and some carrots for lunch (on a good day - pretzels and a granola bar more often), and arm-gnawing hunger by 5pm. At which time I hit the vending machines for a York Peppermint Patty or similar so I can make it 'til dinner, which is usually a decently nutritious meal along the lines of your Big-Ass SaladTM.

Eating at work is not pleasurable in the slightest, and I can't be bothered to make more of an effort or take any more time than tossing something portable in my bag and/or walking down the hall to the machines. But you know, it works for me and I take a multivitamin. That makes it ok, right?

Posted by: Lawyerish at May 29, 2007 12:57 PM

Oh, IBS is a pain in the butt and, uh, runs in my family (puns intended for levity). Fiber is actually sometimes prescribed to ease the symptoms, including supplements. Though I know you've shunned religion, I think God created food as a metaphor for life: that which is good, man turns into crap.

That aside, I love breakfast so much that I usually eat it for dinner (even if only cereal). "Dinner" is so hard to face after a long day at work. But a bowl of crunchy goodness? Priceless.

Posted by: Texas T-bone at May 31, 2007 10:50 AM