A Girl...

I've met friends - true, real, fabulous oh-my-god-where-have-you-been-all-of-my-life on Consumating (consumating.com). It started as a joke dating site and has evolved into a social networking site for nerds and people who tend toward hermitty. There are a TON of events and meetups by you.

There'll be a few CM'ers at the wedding, and a bunch are coming out just to hang for the weekend. Seriously, you won't find a better group of people. Each person I meet is just as amazing as the last.

(And no, they don't pay me.)

In my humble experience, the experience you probably shouldn't give any credence since my track record at the moment is somewhat lacking, friendship is mainly luck. Then, once you score the luck, putting in the effort that keeps the luck from drifting away.

That said, I'm sure you'll do smashing. New friends for everyone!

P.S. If you figure out the equation that convinces true internet friends to move down the block, please share. (I imagine this equation includes free beer and maybe the promise of a new car.)

New friends? Start a book club? Wine, girls...next thing you know you'll be going out for pedicures together.

Good long books? The Herman Wouk WWII series...Winds of War and War and Rememberance. You won't even realize you're reading about WWII. Epic generational novels.

I wish you lived down here...we could be hermits together!

Twister. Ugh, times like these I wish I was there.

When I moved from my small town to the city, I ended up joining up with a few organizations. Here in STL, we have a Friends of the Zoo group, a symphony group, etc. all geared towards 20's and 30's people. I can't say I've met any lifelong best buddies, but there have definitely been some cool people to hang out with for different activities.

What you really need to do is become best friends with someone who works for an airline or owns a jet and then you can just fly your internet friends in for girls nights.

Also, please tell me that you've watched "Shag", because that is a must for chick flick movie watching night.

A good 700+ page book that I adored was The Thornbirds. Melodramatic? Yup. Completely impractical to take anywhere? Totally. But it IS all-consumingly addictive.

Okay, it's not one book, but actually two trilogies which are completely worth reading and that I adored. One, The Uglies Trilogy by Scott Westerfeld and two, the His Dark Materials ttrilogy by Phillip Pullman. Excellent, EXCEELLENT books.

As for friends, I will be watching everyone else's recommendations as I tend to be a bit of a hermit as well.

Already I'm feeling so much better.

The Thornbirds. Oh my god, I've been waiting for the perfect opportunity to read that. If it's at all like The Forsyte Saga I'll be in love.

And MammaLoves? You had me at "epic generational." And I've totally thought about the book club thing as a get-together (we actually talked about it with Lulu BEFORE SHE MOVED), but it's kind of a complicated subject, due in part to the fact that I'm an uncontrollable know-it-all when it comes to lit. No one wants their bookclub turned into a college lecture and I'm afraid I just won't be able to resist showing up in a cordorouy blazer with elbow patches; that's just who I am. I imagine wine would only make it worse.

The other thing to consider is that I'm not really looking for girlfriends--we are looking for couple friends on Simon's behalf. I wouldn't mind having more/new people to hang out with, but I'm genuinely happy just sitting at home with my beau 99 percent of the time and I think our social life is already pretty good. No, we don't have true BFFs, but we do get out pretty regularly with people we like.

So. Couple friends. Who live here. (Although single girl/boy friends are good too. I like boys! Simon likes girls! There's room for everyone in our hearts!)

Whoorl, will you drink whiskey and sing karaoke with me at BlogHer?

Oh Leah, you and Simon are one of the many reasons why we wished we lived in the Bay Area. Hey, you could always go on a little jaunt/visit while he's away, couldn't you? Like, say, to Colorado? :D

I have no idea how to make friends. We are so limited in our socializing - Hulk goes to school with people far younger than we are, and I work with people who are far older, and it's hard to go out and do stuff with other people when you don't have a car (unless you want to hang out in the meat market downtown, which we don't.) Our friends in Colorado are mostly happenstance neighbors and people Hulk already knew before I moved here. I wish I knew how to meet more people our age.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy "trilogy." 'Nuff said.

Umm...if you come live in DC or if I come out there, I'll be your lovely hermit/misanthropic friend who gets you drunk all the time.

and if those are qualities you are looking for, then I'm your girl.

Well, as I have been once the moving friend and am now enduring the friend I have here moving, I will say that you don't fret about where they'll be in a month. If you meet someone and you "click" - you ask them out. I swear, just like a date.

Get to know them over a coffee, margarita, even try out their movie style.

But just do it. Because until you spend a couple of hours alone with a gal, you'll never know if she's a flop or a flip. And what the heck that means, I don't know, but when I typed it there was deep meaning, I swear.

Hmmm... The Puppy & I also have this Butterfly vs Hermit issue. Sometimes it's a big issue. I'd love to just go out and hang with friends more (err.. no, I don't mean I'd love to, I mean I'd attempt to) BUT we also have this language/culture issue. He & his friends like to basically just sit at pubs, drink beer and talk. Under even normal circumstances, I find that to be immensely boring. Just sitting. In a big smoke cloud. But then add the fact that I can't participate and only understand half of what they say.

If we go with MY friends (a rarity, because he's not as tough as I am regarding the language issue), well... the problem is we don't. My birthday was awesome for me - we all hung out talking and playing games over yummy pastries and wine (and NO SMOKE.) When I go out, I like there to be food involved. Or games. Or pool. Anything but just SITTING.

Anyway. I'm up for a toga party - what time can I come? ;)

I'm totally up for a toga party if you have it the last weekend in April when I may be out in your neck of the woods. As far as friends goes I usually hide and people think I'm way too cool/ snobby for them, and only the brave approach. (I'm a skeerdy cat.) If you want to meet a very smart young man that works for a box factory (not REALLY though), and lives about a mile from you, I can give you his number.

And now I've apparently turned into my mother, trying to make my sibling have friends.

The Mists of Avalon by Mary Zimmer Bradley is one of my favorite books of all time. I'll throw another vote toward Thornbirds, too.

Most of my friends are a direct result of my membership in the Jaycees. Most organizations like that (rotary, optimists, etc) welcome non-members at their meetings and you could hang out a time or two to decide if the group and their projects are your cup of tea without committing.

THE THORNBIRDS. Yes. You must read that. It's just trash, but it's WONDERFUL trash. I read it years ago and I remember not wanting it to end, ever, which is how I felt with Gone with the Wind, too.

Thinking about how to make friends makes me tired. My husband and I are both more hermits than butterflies, but we welcome social opportunities when they do arise (ooh, rhyme-y!). Anyway, we haven't made new geographically convenient friends in years; we mostly have school friends and work friends met long ago, all of whom we love dearly and would lay down in traffic for -- unfortunately, the majority of them are not local, which sucks.

The last new, local couple-friends we made we met on our honeymoon, and they are total keepers -- but that's already 4 years ago we met them! I think, honestly, as awful as it sounds, it takes time and happenstance, not effort, and if you're into quality, not quantity, then it can take (ugh) years to link up with just the right people, people you want to stick around for good.

And then there are the Quality Internet People, who are fully the same status as "real life" friends, even though they live everywhere BUT New York. Pah. So I'm working on that last one, too.

My best luck with making friends the past few years has been the (now defunct) blog and now being a mom. Now I feel totally normal going up to people who have a baby approximately the same age and exchanging information, because I know we are both going a tiny bit insane most days. Or at least I assume that- perhaps it's just me and they all think I'm crazy, but whatever.

Is there a neighborhood group you could get involved in? I find it easier to persue friendships if the people are close in proximity.

There's TONNES of cool girls here - why don't you come to the Okanagan while Simon's in England? Better yet, maybe we should drive down to visit YOU!

:)

Book recommendation: Until I Find You by John Irving. It kept me amused for 5 long days while I was trapped (snowed-in, really) in rural BC.

Gosh, I really wish I could answer that one. It seems that as I got further into a Masters degree and then got married, true friends became more and more scarce. Now, I have "work" friends who I can never seem bridge the gap with. How do you say, 'hey, let's hang out this weekend?' It feels awkward. All I can say is, I think if I just try to be more open, it will happen. It probably will for you too.

Phc--Our neighborhood groups are likely to invovle guns or drugs, so...yeah.

As for going on my own little mini-vacation while Simon is away, I've thought of that, but it's not very practical. For one, someone needs to watch el gato. Two, I have to go to work. We've already got trips lined up for May (Vegas!), June (Philly!), and July (Chicago!), plus England again some time in the fall, so I don't really have the leeway to just jet off. Even if it were free, which it's not.

El, when you're in town, we should absolutely get together. You can introduce me to your bro in person.

Claire, I have the same problem with work friends. Add to it that none of them have cars or money or the desire to DO, so our only option with them is to drive to a bar near their houses and watch them drink lots of beer. Not my idea of a good time. I want to go to the opera or camping or have a dinner party or something. And anyway, I already see my coworkers ALL THE TIME (very small office), and anytime we get together outside of work all we talk about is job gossip and that makes Simon want to die.

The obvious answers:
1. Relief Society and an ice cream social is the only sure path to true friendship!

2. Work & the Glory: Vol. 1 thru 6.

Sheesh. I am unhelpful.
Interweb friends are cool, but they really suck at twister, nor can they hold your hair back after one too many cocktails. Poop.

Emma not only knows the true path to righteousness but the way to my heart!

I'd like to make friends with more single people/unmarried couples who don't think it would be lame to hang out with a married couple with kids. So I'm no help; I'm hoping the Internets will bring forth wisdom that I can also use.

Move? Are you kidding? You've schooled us on how cold it gets there in the winter. :-)

It's not that it's so cold here, it's that it shouldn't be 40 degrees INSIDE THE HOUSE. Simon keeps saying things like, "Well, I guess we can't move to Boulder because it snows there," and my response is always "They have central heating and double-paned windows and insulation in Boulder; it would actually be warmer there."

The makings of a great girl-specific move marathon include:
-chocolate fondue with fresh strabwerries, bananas, and CAKE to dip in the dark pool of deliciousness
-minimum 2 litres of diet coke
-toes get painted while movies are watched
-favorite funny movie, sappy movie, and new movie you've never seen but have always wanted to

Enjoy!

PS: You are my friend. And I think Steve and Simon would totally hit it off and gab for hours about amps and guitars and whatnot. Another vote for a move to Canada! You've got to be near to you fanbase, no?

You could try joining Team In Training or Hike For Discovery. You get in shape and raise money to cure cancer. On your team you are then also divided into "buddy groups" that are based on where you live. My husband and I joined when we first moved here and now the bulk of our friends are those we met on our team and happen to all live within a few miles of us.

Canada does love a Girl and her Boy. This may sound lame, but local things like bird watching clubs (seriously), or star gazers or regular wine tastings or cooking classes or regular library readings? I think going to things that are fairly regular in occurrence with like minded people is a bitchin' way to meet some folks. SF is so cosmopolitan there must be such things - sailing classes? synchronized swimming? (kidding) It takes courage, but having a few nice friends close by to hang with is good for the spirit. Photo buffs? Aren't their flickr groups for different areas of the country?

Last suggestion: swinger parties.

i used to have this one really good work friend at this place i was stuck at for several years. . . we worked crazy long hours and we'd go out to lunch or dinner or both pretty much every day of the week. . .

eventually we both quit but the interesting thing was that whenever we'd hang out socially after that, whether for lunch or dinner or a movie, it always felt like we were on a break from work and had to go back - not a pleasant feeling. . . i mean not horrible, but still, it was like this thing looming over us, and eventually she stopped calling me, i stopped calling her, and not only have i not seen her in years, nowadays i don't really dig hanging out with *any* work friends outside of work unless it's for a quick drink after work. . .

Making friends as an adult is a weird, weird thing. I used to be so much better at it, but then, I used to go to school, and work, and places where potential friends hang out. Now, not so much. I guess that's probably the key.

I have been really lucky in the True Friends department -- I've met my best friends mostly either through work, or through internet connections, and the way I seem to make friends is by starting small, with anyone I think I might have something in common...I exchange emails with lots of people, and if I'm at a party and I meet someone interesting, I'm not shy about exchanging email addresses and then reaching out via email to say, "great talking with you, blah blah blah let's have coffee..." It sounds sort of hokey, but I've found that an initial email is pretty easy and non-scary/non-threatening, but it allows you to either a) weed out unresponsive potential friends, or b) build easily and comfortably into a friendly rapport, and then start having real life interactions. In short, Email = Good for Making Friends.

As for books, I just read Acts of Faith by Philip Caputo and loved it. It's long. And sort of dense. And epic. But good!

A Suitable Boy, the Indian Pride and Prejudice. You'll thank me oh,in about five days.

Meh. Screw meeting friends. Just organize all the drawers, have some bourbon and the read a few books of Nietzsche.

There's an Indian Pride and Prejudice? That's my heaven!

I started a "Girls Club". I got a few girlfriends I knew involved and they invited other girls. We took turns. Once a month someone would have everyone over for food and beverages. She would also plan an activity with a maximum cost of $20. We went canoeing, decorated easter eggs, made greeting cards, took a belly dancing lesson, etc. It lasted for almost three years (through the birth of two babies, lots of breakups and my divorce) and was a good way to forge some lasting friendships.

The other great thing about? It's reciprocal. When I first set out to make friends I'd invite people to parties and they'd always show up but only some would reciprocate. This makes it guaranteed, because if you want to stay involved you have to take a turn hosting.

p.s. Just read the rest of the comments. You could try that with couples, too. (My ex was a cop and his hours made it impossible to find couple friends so I had to make my own.)