Shakedown
This morning I was forced to launch a miniature tour of terror around my office (people not doing their jobs and therefore making three times as much work for me), so by the time I was able to go get some lunch (1:45), I was capital-R Ready to take a capital-B Break. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the air was crisp and fresh, the golden arches were gleaming from a distance...and then some random jackass on the street tried to make nice with me as I was walking past him at mach one, and when I didn't stop and french kiss him for his unsolicited come-on, he actually said to me as I was walking away, "Daaaaaamn, girl, you got some fries with that shake?" as if those were the magic words to make any woman change her mind. Where was the underscore because surely these things happen only in the movies.
I recently had some guy in the grocery store refer to me as his "future ex-wife"
Oh, be still my beating heart.
Ooh, I just remembered the best one. I was walking my babysitting charge down the sidewalk when some high school kid asked me for a donation to something or other. I politely declined and as I was walking away I heard him say, "Whatever, MILF." Ha!
yeah, sorry about that. didn't realize that was you.
I also didn't realize it was you, what with the girthy blackness and complete lack of decorum.
I don't know what it is about that corner (I'm guessing I know where it was, with the golden arches hint), but I used to get comments from passers-by all the time when I walked through that intersection to and from work.
And I don't think I'll ever understand why some men feel it appropriate to make those sorts of comments to strange women. They're even less pleasant than catcalls and whistles, which are usually guys in a group. When it's some guy on his lonesome staring at your chest and making comments, that's his own thing, no other guys around to impress. Is it an ego thing? A culture thing? I haven't a clue.
that's a disguise i sometimes use when i'm feeling misanthropic and need to vent.
Boyfriends excepted, I don't think anyone's ever looked at or commented on my boobs. But the booty? Hard to miss.
For the record, this guy was in the company of a male friend, which I assume has something to do with his expression of affection--showing off or whatnot. The only leads me to suspect, though, that maybe he's had some success with his approach. Why else would he risk provoking a flat-out rejection in front of his buddy? Men are mysterious.
No lie, a guy was trying to sell me on his guy friend Saturday night and told me that he was sure said friend wouldn't mind "sneaking out of your apartment tomorrow morning."
What the?
Yeah, only in the movies and on my walk home from the gym in the morning, my walk to the gym, my walk to work, while sitting under an overpass eating fries, while walking into home depot and did I mention on the way home from the gym?? While I'm sweaty and in lycra and my hair is up in a do-rag??
Yeah.
It's all 'hey, baby' all the damn time. It's annoying. Make it stop.
At least the guy didn't say something really crude, like about "meat" and "buns" or something.
This is the point that I bring up the charming tale about how I used to get catcalls from construction workers. When I was walking with my father. When I was eight.
Ah, early onset puberty.