February 07, 2007
Unrelated Related Things
If one day you were told you were going blind, that in a month's time you wouldn't be able to see anything at all, how would you spend those four weeks? On the one hand you could book travel around the world and make a point to look at absolutely everything, from all angles, in all kinds of light. As for sleep, you will sleep when you're dead. On the other hand, though, it might do to prepare for your eventual handicap: Close your eyes and navigate your house, try to pour a cup of orange juice, only listen to the t.v. Have a friend blindfold you and go out on the street. Go to the pound and get used to the smell of dog. When you're done practicing, you can simply open up your eyes again; this way you can live in both worlds at once.
Of course, once you go blind, you will do nothing but hone those skills every waking moment. You will adapt because you have to and you will do it at a pace that might be slower than you'd like, but then you never asked to go blind in the first place, so it's not like anyone cares what you think about the details.
So what do you do? Make good use of your eyes while you still have them, or start learning to go without so the shock of it won't destroy you when it hits?
---
Once upon a time I had a car and sometimes I would drive that car on the freeway. It might be symbolic of a larger issue and it might not, but whenever I'm in multiple-lane traffic, I feel like I'm not getting any closer to my destination unless I'm actively passing other cars on the way there. I like to pass confidently and smoothly ("with authority"), but sometimes depending on conditions I'm content to just keep up with everyone else, all of us maybe going a little faster than we should. Never, however, is it okay to be left on the dust of car after car, even if that would make me the only one obeying the posted speed limit, my hands firmly at ten and two. It's called keeping up with the flow of traffic. You can get ticketed for going too slow, you know. You didn't? Well, now you do.
---
Last weekend we went to Babies R Us to shop for a friend, and when I noticed the "Mother's Room" in the back by the restrooms, I just had to check it out. Such a thing held for me all the mystique of a school faculty lounge, and as we toured the aisles, fluffing miniature tutus and trying to collapse the Graco with one hand, I imagined behind those doors a wonderland of solid gold rockingchairs upholstered with imported silk and stuffed with the shed feathers of baby chicks, and also a gratis smoothie bar with a hot attendant. Of course, it was just a windowless cube with a dingy glider and two changing tables; all that build-up in my imagination made it lamer than it probably really was. We purchased our baby merch, went out to the car, and sat in the parking lot eating strawberry PopRocks, opening our mouths and contorting our lips like circus-trained chimpanzees to modify the acoustics of the candy crackle. We also bought five tubes full of neon bracelets at the nearby craft store and wore one each as we fell asleep. Two days later they were dim but still showing their colors in the absolute dark.
---
Sometimes (like now) I get all wrapped up in melodrama, in being sad, in being wistful, in being wanty and put-upon and emotionally victimized, oh me, oh my. And sometimes I want to get up on the stage and fill up that spotlight edge to edge with my "feelings", but then I remember that my parents read this, my brother reads this, my high school boyfriend reads this, and gee, I don't want to write anything that will make them worry, because I'm fine, really, I'm fine. Want me to make a joke? I will think one up for you.
In the meantime, go read this post at Her Bad Mother, which explains what happens when natural dwellers are given open forums in which to dwell, when wallowers are allowed to wallow, when molehills become mountains simply because we have the tools to build bigger! badder! more dramatic! piles of dirt, even though they're not doing anything but making a messier mess.
Knock, knock...
Introspection is healthy. It makes us who we are.....and you seem thoughtful and aware of your deepest self.......awe pop rocks. Really takes my back. Now I'm gonna have to go the the store.
Posted by: patches at February 7, 2007 04:51 PMHuh uh... oh heck no. There is no way I'd spend any of my seeing time pretending I was already blind. I would book travel to all of the beautiful places, such as Hawaii and Paris, I've long to go, I'd run through the Louvre so I could absorb every piece of art I've yearned to see in person, I stare at my loved ones until they were so uncomfortable they'd beg me to stop.
Um yeah, that's what I'd do.
Posted by: Rebecca at February 7, 2007 04:52 PMThere is completely no way I would use my last month of seeing to practice being blind. There would be AMPLE time to practice later. What I'd do instead is find someone who was really excellent at remembering visual images and I'd get them to teach me a bunch of techniques to help me burn some faces and colors into my memory. Also, I would probably do a lot of crying and lying awake at night feeling sorry for myself.
Posted by: Swistle at February 7, 2007 05:31 PMOh I soooo know how you're feeling right now. I have so much I want to say, but there's all those readers who know me and all. So yesterday I issued a collective f.u. to the world and of course I received an email from mom first thing.
I should have never told them about the dumb blog.
Posted by: MammaLoves at February 7, 2007 06:25 PMMy roomate is legally blind. She can still see a bit- vaguely (for example, she can see that the shape on the other side of the room is a person but can't make out characteristics to tell WHO it is), but not at all at night and not unless she holds the text literally 2inches from her eyes (or the computer screen). Her retinas are detaching and she's only going to get worse, eventually becoming permanently completely blind. If she falls and hits her head (or something happens that she would bump her head) there's a very real possibility that her retinas could detach completely leaving her instantly 100% blind. I don't know how she copes with it, but she gets through each day and tries not to dwell on it. I think that's what I'd do if I were to know a date for my impending blindness... I wouldn't need amazing images of the world, i'd just surround myself with loved ones to try to imprint them in my mind forever... other than that I'd try to live my life as normally as possible.
Yikes, sorry this was so long of a comment!
Posted by: heather at February 7, 2007 07:25 PMI would spend as much time looking at the faces of the people I love, if I knew I was about to go blind. If I had no loved ones, it would prolly be porn.
I think the driving schools teach "9 and 3" rather than "10 and 2" now because you don't have to move your hands to make a turn. You really need to get a new car so you would know this!
Babies R Us is a letdown. We couldn't find a single baby for sale in the entire stinkin' store.
Posted by: Texas T-bone at February 7, 2007 09:13 PMI've reached a fair old age and still have moments when the melodrama, the pure sweet and salty drama of minutae, is still on the bubble. It's a form of insanity which you don't want to get rid of. Hang on to it, kid.
Posted by: lilsley at February 7, 2007 09:54 PMI'd be looking into my children's eyes and faces. Nothing else has ever given me as much joy, and loosing that is the only reason I fear death.
Oh, and stay in California. There are enough people driving like you out here already. :-)
Posted by: iamnot at February 8, 2007 06:33 AMI think we all know what I'd be looking at that month before I went blind.
Posted by: will at February 8, 2007 08:41 AMWho's there?
Posted by: Ted at February 8, 2007 08:53 AMA German knock, knock joke for you.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Ve vill ask ze questions here! (It works better if you yell the last line in a really bad German accent.)
Posted by: Frank at February 8, 2007 09:48 AMAt least your only melodramatic some of the time. I'm melodramatic all of the time. And I can slay you with my abilities to be introspective. Now, don't you want to be my friend?
Posted by: Heather B. at February 8, 2007 10:48 AMlet's see. oh wait, that's the point. if i have the sense, then i will use it until it is gone. as i lose it, i will learn the skills necessary to adapt and cope. in the meantime, i would look around.
feelings suck. unless the feelings don't suck.
Posted by: jeorg at February 8, 2007 06:54 PMI might be tempted to practice. I didn't realize that was crazy talk until I read everyone's comments, but I think it would be beneficial to practice while you could still open your eyes really quickly to see if you were on the right track.
Posted by: jennie at February 9, 2007 06:59 AMOh, shoot, this is EXACTLY what I was AFRAID other drivers were thinking as they passed me. Then I said to myself, "No, don't be ridiculous, no one thinks you have to go faster than 10 miles over the speed limit just because they're doing it--all they want to do is get around you, and they don't care what you're doing." But instead I find that my paranoid delusions are correct! People DO think I should go faster just because they choose to go faster! And furthermore, they're imagining ME being all prissy! When in fact I am just driving along and keeping in the right lane so faster drivers can go as fast as they want! Great, now I will be even more neurotic about it than before.
Posted by: Swistle at February 9, 2007 12:15 PMHey.
I like you lots.
Just sayin'.
