Get with the Program

Kearny Street, San Francisco

This is likely to be long and boring, but there's something to be said for stating one's intentions in a public forum, so here it is.

Simon and I have all kinds of grand plans about how much easier things will be and how much more free time and energy we'll have when we don't have to live in two places at once. For the last year, we've been sporadically able to exercise and practice our instruments and make dinner and clean up and go out with friends and get the grocery shopping and laundry done, but at times it's felt like we're just scraping by on the necessary stuff and really missing out on some of the extras we enjoy. "When we live in one house..." we always say, and from there unfurls grand plans of Chore Night and Date Night and Music Night and Elaborate Home-Cooked Meal Night. There are so many things we want to do, and so many things that are important to us (not to mention important to remaining active, interesting people instead of settling into the dreaded stagnant coupledom), I'm convinced the only way to get everything done is to MAKE A CHART. Because I don't have enough of those already.

Allow me to direct you over to Kate again. Today she has an entry describing what she calls her "well-being checklist," which is basically a chart to keep track of all the things she does to keep mind, body, and spirit in top working order. When we were in England, I noticed that Mel and Kilo had a chalkboard in their kitchen that kept track of their weekly activities--music, dance, and art--which although different from Kate's list in the details is quite similar in theory. Both charts monitor the things these people need to make them happy and fulfilled and healthy, and for someone like me who thrives on results that can be categorized and color-coded and analyzed, I can't wait to have all this moving crap out of the way so I can get started with my own custom list.

But as much as I love the idea of earning a checkmark (or a sticker!) for each task accomplished, I think the real value will be looking at the list every day and being reminded that there's more to life than Netflix. Inertia is strong with me. My hope is that a chart staring out from the refrigerator door will render me incapable of forgetting all the things that usually fall by the wayside when it's just easier to make some popcorn and flop down on the couch for the evening.

But what will my chart look like? Not like Kate's, and not like Mel and Kilo's either; probably something in between. I imagine there will also be some elements that are simply boring old chores. While that will make my list veer from the spirit of the other lists, which are more about enhancing one's life, I think it's necessary for a lazy-ass chore-avoider like me. The way I figure, although I would never say that doing the laundry makes me feel emotionally fufilled, not having any clean clothes certainly detracts from my enjoyment of life, and having it done frees up a surprising amount of headspace. Thus it is that laundry (biweekly? do I dare even put that out there?) will probably go on the list.

Other possibilities?

Music at home: Right now it seems like we pop onto the guitar or the drums or the piano during short "transition" periods, e.g., while I'm waiting for Simon to brush his teeth before we leave the house in the morning, or while he's waiting for me to find my shoes, which I swear I put right here so where the hell are they *grumble grumble gremlins grumble*? I'd like to be able to have longer music sessions during which I can actually practice harder pieces and Simon can actually rock to his potential.

Music elsewhere: We've been really lazy about going to concerts lately. Even though we know they're coming up and we both agree that we're "totally going to go," we tend to let things slide when we probably shouldn't. The Pogues are playing tonight, for instance. And next week is Jude and the Decemberists and the Hold Steady. And Teddy insists that I absolutely must see Devotchka or we can't be friends anymore. Why the hell haven't we bought tickets for a single one of these shows? Maybe having a checklist will help.

Outdoor adventure: I can't think of a non-cheesy label for this category, but it's better than Getting Outside and Doing Stuff. We're talking hiking, biking, rollerskating, geocaching, exploring a neighborhood of San Francisco, kite flying, picnicking on the beach, you get the idea. We're pretty good about this already, but I think having it on a list will inspire us to be a little more creative about what activities we choose.

Cultural event: Although this overlaps a little with the above categories, it also makes room for things like museum shows, poetry readings, book signings, street fairs, photography exhibits, and even mall openings. There's so much to do in this area that even though a lot of it is eye-rolly, we can still find things we enjoy, not to mention things that don't cost any money.

Social event: This one will probably also overlap a lot (inviting friends to roller derby or on a bike ride), but it also includes brunches and dinners (in or out), movie marathons, kitten parties, and maybe even that book club idea that won't seem to die.

Dinner: I hesitate to even mention this because I don't really like to eat and I don't really like to cook, but I think it's worth a shot to at least pretend I do for Simon's sake. While I can eat cereal for three meals a day and be perfectly content, I think he'd enjoy a little more variety (and my enthusiasm about the variety), and I'd love to have my kitchen accomplishments be well-earned and legitimate instead of lame and fabricated, like earlier this week when I accidentally got honey on my pre-cooked chicken-apple sausage and insisted that I had Invented a Recipe, Now Where Is My Talk Show?

The rest of the list will probably be boring household junk: laundry, dishes, thoroughly cleaning one room (dusting, vacumming, and organizing, rather than just picking clothes off the floor when we can't see the rug). These are more likely to be daily or weekly tasks, whereas the other stuff will be monthly or bimonthly, depending on availability and funds. And let's not forget exercising. At this point my philosophy is "do it whenever you can," which has been working out (ha!) pretty well so far. The less our evenings are full of nothing more important than popcorn and movies, though, the more effort we might have to put into scheduling exercise. As Simon's triathlon season comes to a close, there will be less urgency, but also more room for variety, so we'll just have to wait and see how that shakes out, pending his survival of the swim from Alcatraz this weekend.

One stipulation I want to be very clear with myself (and Simon) about is that the purpose of the chart is not to bully anyone into enjoying life dammit. This is supposed to be a "guide," a gentle motivator and inspirer (is that a word?). As such, there shouldn't be punishments or consequences or bad feelings if certain things get done. If I were to tell myself, for instance, "no t.v. for a week if you miss one laundry day," it will only make me dread the whole process and probably abandon it before it has time to do any lasting good.

And who knows. That just might happen anyway. As I said yesterday, I'm really good at formulating plans, but not so hot with the follow-through. When I was a kid, I used to invent chore charts for myself (my parents weren't strict about that sort of thing), but even the little stickers I used to motivate myself didn't make me want to clean the bathroom so it was usually only a matter of days before I'd forgotten all about it and moved on to organizing something else. What we have here is a failure to commit. And a failure to let an authority tell me what to do and how to live my life, even when the authority is me.

So, Simon, are you in? Will you be supportive of my need to line everything up in neat rows and columns? Will you encourage me to stick to the plan for my own good? Will you be the boss of me? And will you know when to back off when all I want is a batch of cookie dough and a stack of musicals?

wrote Leah at 1:13 PM | Comments (4)