4 Jun
2014

Emergent

Come have a laugh with me as I calculate that it was less than two weeks between posting about letting kids live dangerously that one of my kids ended up in the emergency room to have his head glued back together. Ha ha ha ha HA.

No, really, it’s okay to laugh. It wasn’t that bad (the equivalent of two stitches), and by the rules that govern the Bizarroworld that is having two small children, it wasn’t the crazy, fearless child who almost brained himself but the other one. The one who said afterward, “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to your safety rules, Mom.” The one who was deemed the Calmest Kid Ever by the ER doctor (a male doctor! they do exist!*), who gave Wombat a sticker and a worksheet and a pair of surgical gloves and a set of professional tweezers and a gratuitous ride in a wheelchair (plus a bunch of superglue on his gouge) and yet still kept looking for something “more special” because a kid who can just lay/lie there with a head injury like it’s no big thing should be rewarded with something “more special.”

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*Wombat still thinks only women are allowed to be doctors. Was one so wrong ever so sweet?

While Fox was in the care of my in-laws, who were at the house at the time of the accident (irresponsible twirling on the backyard tire swing too close to the very pointy corners of the patio furniture), Simon and I took Wombat out for a post-trauma cheeseburger instead. (“Now, don’t think bashing your brains out is a good way to score a cheeseburger, mister.”) This is what it looks like when you eat a cheeseburger after having had your blood-soaked hair clipped back in your mom’s barrettes for a few hours.

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For the past two weeks he’s been wearing magical band-aids that seem to have taken away both the pain of a self-inflicted flesh cravasse as well as the sting of missing two weeks of swimming lessons. If he ends up with a gnarly scar, it’ll just make Harry Potter all the more exciting. (We’re thinking age 7 would be a good time to start? Yes?)

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I’m pleased to report that I was as cool as a frog’s belly during the entire affair, but now, of course, I can’t help but look at everything in my children’s vicinities as potential hazards to their health/pretty, pretty faces. Can someone tell me: Why is the world so sharp? The good news is that I’m still firmly of the mind that it would be ridiculous to attempt to pad every surface my kids might come in contact with, and thus it is that I’ve resolved to simply pad the children. You heard it here first: Summer 2014′s fashion breakthrough is triple-ply quilted bodysuits with matching helmets. Order yours today!

By    6 Comments    Posted in: Photos, Regular Entries


6 Comments

  • Age 7 sounds just right especially since he sounds like such an advanced reader. My niece started around 8 and loved them.

  • Yeesh glad he’s ok! And yes, Harry Potter is going to be a huge hit. I say 7 sounds like a good time to start.

  • Mothers of kids with stitches unite! I just made my first trip to the ER with my 5yo boy this week. He tripped in a parking lot and ended up with 10 stitches in his lip. He was also unexpectedly calm about the affair. I’ve told him he’s not allowed to walk anywhere ever again. I hope Wombat heals quickly!

  • Aw, poor buddy! My son, also age 7, has had his head glued together twice, and both instances were due to sharp corners. He has one slight scar, under his bangs and the other, more prominent, scar is at the edge of his eyebrow. I just started reading Harry Potter to him each night, and it has been a huge hit. The best thing is having my husband tell me that he gets a synopsis of the chapter we read the night before on the way to camp in the morning. When I went out of town recently, he said he would miss reading Harry Potter while I was gone. Not miss me, but our nightly reading sessions. Good thing he is so cute.

  • Every time we visit my parents in Arizona, I am very glad we don’t live there. Hard surfaces EVERYWHERE. Plus cacti. A normal fall can be very bad there. Not child friendly.

    I’m re-reading my way through the Harry Potter books right now, as a matter of fact, and was just wondering myself when my older son could read them. Certainly they’re too scary for a four-year-old (every time I read them, I am surprised anew by how UN-juvenile they are, in theme and content), but the stories are just so good, I know he’ll love them and I’m impatient for him to read them.

  • Oh man, one of the reasons I am most excited to have kids someday is so that I can introduce them to Harry Potter and the wizarding world!

Have at it!

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