Much in the same way one might come to the unfortunate conclusion that to change one’s body for the fitter/slimmer one must exercise and regulate one’s intake of fun-size Milky Ways, Simon and I have come to the conclusion that to change our life for the less chaotic, we need to front-load our days, which is just a fancy way of saying we need to go to bed earlier so we can wake up earlier. That we came to this decision at 11:45 p.m. on a school night is worth a point and a laugh, so go ahead, we deserve it.
Simon and I usually go to bed around 11ish and get out of bed–verrrrrry reluctantly–around 8ish, having been woken up at 6ish by the sole member of our family who can function happily on less than eleven hours of sleep. (It’s fair to say I resent him for this at the same time I’m jealous of his superpower.) If those of you who wake up at 5:30 every day will kindly unwrap your fingers from my throat, let me acknowledge loud(ly) and clear(ly) that we’re incredibly lucky to have schedules that allow us to roll in to our roles at around 9:30 or 10 each day, even though that flexibility is doing nothing for the larger problem that is always feeling like we don’t have enough time to take care of basic necessities, which on too many days includes showering (gross).
Since our usual post-kids-in-bed routine is to flop down on the couch enjoy (well, “enjoy”) some quality programming (recent gems have included Big Trouble in Little China (a.k.a. Big Budget for Little Value) and Funny Games, which we turned off after it turned our stomachs too many times in the first ten minutes), obviously this mindless media-fest, cherished as it is, is the most expendable of our daily activities and therefore the first to be marched, blindfolded, to the chopping block. Of those two hours we spend on the couch each night, if we subtract at least one from the end of the day and add it to the beginning of the day, will we magically find our lives transformed for the better? I don’t know. And I don’t really want to try, although I’m going to do it anyway because blah blah “being an adult.”
(But oh god, don’t even get me started on the time change coming in three weeks. I’ll trade an hour of daylight for an hour of shut-eye every single time.)
What I need is to find a way to make my first zombie hour of the day more productive than my last zombie hour of the day. Or I need to find a way to be less of a zombie. Actual question: Is there a way to train oneself to live on fewer hours per sleep each night? I feel positively rotten if I get less than ten hours–always have–but the fact is that I need more than fourteen waking hours to do all the things I need to do, and although I’m not so great at math anymore, I think this means I need to sleep less.
You people who seem to have time to read a book per week and keep up with multiple television shows and never go to bed with dishes in your sink–how in the world do you do that? One of my pseudo-resolutions for this year is “Thou shalt not compare thy own household to households that include any combination of the following: (a) a non-working parent, (b) a housekeeper, and/or (c) zero children,” but that’s obviously not going to stop me from grasping those people by the hands and begging them to tell me their secrets. Is there a potion? I will drink your potion.