Charts and Graphs
This is a real picture and I took it. Then bent it over in Photoshop.
As Cohabitation 2006 approaches and malaise (unrelated to Cohabitation 2006) threatens to eat me from inside, I have decided that what I need is more structure. Something in between cheap support pantyhose and a whalebone corset that goes down to my ankles.
For the last, oh, can't remember how many years of my life, I've been pretty much doing what I want when I want to, and although that has made me comfortable and calm and overwhelmed with how lucky I am that I can show up at work when I feel like it and spend my evenings doing whatever I want (Napolean Dynamite, anyone?), I also realize that those days of carefree living are numbered and that sooner or later I will have to buck up and, gulp, get out of bed before 9 a.m. and be responsible not just to myself but to others.
Why do I think this? Is there a big life change hanging over my head that I haven't told you about? No. It's just that I feel like I've overstayed my time in the magical land of the unfettered, fancy-free twentysomethings, and that with the impending Cohabitation 2006 will come the inevitable Growing Up, and what better time than now to get my act together and learn to plan out the small things (dishes, laundry, lunch) instead of just the large things (baby, house, baby, house). In my head, if a person is too immature to clean out the fridge more than once a year, she is too immature to own a beautiful armoire and, dammit, I want that armoire. (And a free-standing full-length mirror with intricate scrolling woodwork to frame me in all my grownuppy magnificence. And a pony. And a wee baby.)
In pondering how I might go about imposing structure on my wobbly pudding pile of a "routine," it was clear that the answer is charts. Charts and graphs. Pie wedges and color-coded columns and lines that peak and valley and level off, hopefully in the black. Charts for working out and charts for grocery shopping and charts for laundry and charts for earning and spending and, while I'm at it, charts for organizing my T-shirts. On the one hand, I think this kind of structure will actually do some good. On the other hand, I just like making charts. But hey, whatever works, right?
When Simon and I find ourselves standing slack-jawed in the middle of one of our numerous messes, there is always much nodding of heads in mutual reassurance of the idea that we're unorganized because we're living in two houses and we're constantly ferrying things from one place to the other and we're never in one spot long enough to put effort into its appearance and blah blah blah, we can spin it like Noah Goldenbergenbaum spins a dreidel.
But the real reason we are messy is because we are slobs. Lazy-ass slobs. And you know what? We don't care. In fact, I don't know what we care less about--the pile of clean socks that's been on the floor for three weeks or the fact that we can both look at the pile, estimate the clean-up to be about fifteen minutes of our precious navel-gazing time, and then decide "Meh." But deep down inside we want to care about those socks. Or at least we want to want to care about those socks.
And keeping the house clean is but one of the areas of our life that needs to be slapped down on graph paper and poked at with a rainbow of fine-point Sharpies. My online fitness tracker is doing its job, and I wonder if something as simple as that would help us keep tabs on laundry and housecleaning. But then there's stuff like Carrie's meal plans (read and be amazed! and feel inadequate!) that make me think I've got a lot farther to go. Especially when we start talking money and combined incomes and budgeting for Big Things.
Budgeting will be a huge adjustment for me because I've never had to keep track of my spending. Not because I'm independently wealthy but because I hardly ever want anything enough to hand over good money for it. I'd rather have a healthy bank account, i.e., potential stuff, than a house full of actual stuff, so I pretty much just pay rent, buy groceries, and keep open the veins that are my gym membership and Netflix account. At the end of the month, I dump a good chunk into savings and there it sits.
But Simon? Loves stuff. And he loves buying stuff. And he loves indulging himself in stuff he doesn't need just to celebrate that he is young and alive and employed and a vital member of the consumer nation. Hopefully he's gotten his spending heebie-jeebies out (he's admitted to going hogwild buying musical instruments and bikes/biking equipment so he won't have to negotiate with me when "his" money is "our" money), but that doesn't change his general philosophy, which is "Don't wait for later when you can buy something now and enjoy it longer." Which is great for the soul but not so great for the pocketbook.
When I move in we will together be saving $700 a month. And on top of that, guess who one-upped my surprise $1500 check with a big fat raise? And an extended contract? And regular working hours?
Ah, yes, regular working hours. That means no more getting up at nine, taking Fridays and Mondays off, calling me at three to say he's doing business accounting from bed without pants. Maybe it's just what he needs. Maybe it's just what I need, since we carpool and if he has to be at work at 8 a.m., I'll be enduring those wretched weekday sunrises right beside him. So much for my plan of making him assume more of the household duties while he's at home during the day. Dashed are my dreams of a clean kitchen table and dishes that are at least rinsed and neatly stacked if not clean and put away. According to my chart, projections aren't looking good in the way of my coming home to a beef wellington with a fresh salad and a side of rice pilaf.
ON THE OTHER HAND...
Part of me thinks that since we're not (yet) in danger of going broke or being buried in our own filth, we should take advantage of our remaining freedom and ride the wave of irresponsibility for as long as we can. We both know the day is coming when we'll have to be more frugal with our spending and more efficient with our time management. We both know that we'll have to sacrifice some of our self-indulgence in favor of being not poor and not condemned by the health department.
But that life is still bobbing unmenacingly way way waaaay off shore. And something or something (is it you, Internet?) tells me that I need to stop planning planning planning for the future and just enjoy enjoy enjoy the here and now. This morning we woke up at nine, got out of bed at nine-thirty, and then spent the next hour watching t.v. and chatting and teasing Eve with her new favorite toy, the Minti bib, which she gallops across the floor toward like it's a stick of salami, weird little cat. I eventually went to work, and I don't know what Simon did, but I suspect it involves accounting and bed and southern exposure, and tonight we have no plans at all, and although I can think of a million things we should do with that time to GET CONTROL OF OUR LIVES, we'll probably just toast some waffles, rearrange the fridge magnets, watch a movie, and step lightly over the pile of clean socks on the way to the bedroom.
But seriously, does anyone else have any hot tips to help organize a household/life?
Wait, you don't wake up *until* 9am?
*blink*
*blink*
Do you know how beautiful that sounds? If I woke up at 9am, that would be me sleeping in four extra hours. Holy moly.
Right...so, some tips on how to organize one's household/life? Um, not so sure about that. I've always had a routine that I've had to follow so it just seems natural. You pick a time, you do everything in the same order every day, and you stick with for years. Eventually things seem to fall into place. The chores and errands are done every Saturday, Sunday we make a big family dinner and then Monday - Friday it's back at work chugging away.
Honestly, I don't know. I'm still kind of stuck on the waking up at 9am.
Seriously, Leah? I have no idea. I do make lists.
I think that organizing your household/life will come naturally when the time is right. Yes, you guys are moving in. Yes, you'll save some money. The only advice I have for you is to throw as much of that $700 into the bank for your wedding, your house and your baby. Spend some of it on trips and doing other fun day stuff. Buy a funky new couch or some cool lamps. But most importantly, enjoy this time that you have right now, without yard work and pta meetings. You are grown up already; it's all about what stage of life you are in. And right now you are moving in with the man of your dreams. You guys are choosing to step over that sock pile because you know one day that you will have deal with it on a regular basis. And that's ok too.
If I had an organized house/life, I'd be happy to share. But, I don't. My husband's latest excuse to people that have to set foot inside our door, because he's done work for them, is "excuse the mess, I'm creative." He is creative, but the truth is that we are both lazy slobs!
If I had an organized house/life, I'd be happy to share. But, I don't. My husband's latest excuse to people that have to set foot inside our door, because he's done work for them, is "excuse the mess, I'm creative." He is creative, but the truth is that we are both lazy slobs!
And no, I'm not proud of it.
See? I'm so disorganized that I can't comment on your blog properly!
My only advice, mainly because I used to be a member of the Whatever Club but it's been a long time now, is to get a dog. You get instant structure: it must be walked probably twice a day; you have to be home at least at a sorta normal hour to take it out, feed it, love it. I'd say your care-free cat days are coming to an end, but the tradeoff is unconditional love and another friend to take to the park.
I have to agree with the dog suggestion. One month into moving in with Kevin, we got a puppy. Talk about good parenting/responsibility experience! Best thing we ever did together!
As far as household tips? I don't know - I have always been a clean-freak.......but I don't impose it on anyone else....plus, I'd chose fun over housework anyday! I'd say use the reward system.
I just put away laundry and rewarded myself with wine. Voila!
Ahh.. cohabitation. The laziness further strengthened by the fact that you only have one apartment to clean. In a word.. Yay!
Getting a dog to make us be organized is just about as bad as people who have a baby to save their marriage. Besides, we already have one pet too many, thanks. Also? Cats are better than dogs because they're self-cleaning and you don't have to pick up their poo.
Who says you have to organize your life? I've been married for 6 years, and been a mother for almost 2.5 years and I have 2 kids. I'm still not organized. The only reason we wake up at 8am is because the 2 yr old keeps pounding on his door until we let him out. The only reason we get out of bed (on days when we don't have to be somewhere) is because that same 2 yr old becomes impossible to ignore and demands a diaper change and food other than Animal Crackers or an activity other than watching cartoons and so we are forced to drag our butts out of bed and be responsible parents. Usually he gives us until 9:30/10am. We have no schedule for household chores, it gets done when people are coming over, or we just get sick of the mess, or one of us (him) finally nags the other one (me) to DEATH about it, and then I clean in self defense.
Why be all responsible and boring when you don't have to be? Lazy is fun and SO much less stressful. :)
Who says you gotta do it all at once? I like your approach thus far... baby steps. I read somewhere that it takes 90 days to create a habit. Ultimately, you are trying to make certain things-- like picking-up the socks-- second nature.
So, why don't you just pick one goal per month. Make August the-Pick-up-Socks month. Start Now! Then, in September, try to establish another routine. I don't know... change-lightbulbs-immediately-when-they-burn-out month! By the end of 12mos, hopefully you'll have established a dozen rituals. In 5 years (that's 60), Oprah and Real Simple Magazine will be asking your for your hot tips and taking pictures of your home!
But, in all seriousness, ENJOY, the freedom to sleep in, etc. I remember that I felt the most mature when I had cereal for dinner one night. Why? Because I could.
Wisdom is knowing when you can abandon the structure and apply some flexibility.
Man I wish I knew the answer to suddenly becoming completely organised. The thing is, I don't think there is `an answer'. I'm always mystified as to why I'm super organised in some things but couldn't give a rat's toss bag in others! And the whole `it takes 90 days to form a habit' thing is wrong. I tried that with making myself put my clothes on hangers/in drawers/in laundry basket as I took them off to avoid having to wade through them on the floor and all I felt when my 90 days was up was `woohoo! I made it! now I get to be a slob again!' Having said that, the weirdest thing happened 2 weeks ago (a LONG time after the 90 day experiment)...out of nowhere, I full on CARED that there was a tshirt just lying on the floor instead of hanging up. It was a distinct moment where I just couldn't walk past it and I had to hang it up before moving on. I was so astounded that I had to tell Luke and he didn't believe me but I've kept it up for weeks now and I think it's a keeper. SO, after all that rambling, my theory is when the time is right, the bits that need to be organised will start to be organised and the bits that dont (ie to ensure life is still fun and not always entirely responsible) wont because they don't have to :)
I used to be that way in my early 20's but I liked having people over way too much to remain that way. Now I have an 8 year old son who owns all of Toysrus and Kaybee combined, I have to be on top of things. I had to show him that being organized flows overs into so many parts of life, school work, friendships, relationship's all of it.
One day at a time, and you'll get there. Now I'm a clean organized freak--I clean my fridge out once a week. Shot me, I know. Fly lady might help you.
I have no idea... am not that organized myself. However, a friend of mine does something she calls the "one-hour purge." No, it's not a symptom of an eating disorder, it's that she spends one hour per week cleaning out something that's been bothering her. Like the fridge. Or picking up socks. Or whatever. She swears by it!
Anyway, found your blog from Whoorl's links. I'll be back. :)
Words of wisdom:
My first m-i-l used to say, "Tidy little people have tidy little minds. I liked that. Lived by it long after I no longer lived by her son.
It was good meeting you...
Hmmm...I'm basically at the same point as you, but I'm sinking my money into a house and a new car. I still don't do laundry until I run out of underwear, and my boyfriend recently hired a cleaning lady for me because I bitched so much about how I HATE cleaning. But I so very lucky to have that, I know. I'm taking small steps toward becoming an adult and more organized (like paying a mortgage and car loan), and I think the other things will fall in line as I get older. And if they don't, well, maybe that is just the way I am and I should accept it.
Well, what worked for me is something you don't need: Wellbutrin. I have never been so organized and my house has never been so clean and so much laundry has never been folded and *put away* (did that last part make any sense?) since I got me the happy drugs.
Of course, living with soul-crushing depression will tend to make a person disorganized so it stands to reason that taking away the soul-crushing depression will make everything easier.
It's a little cutie, but Flylady.net had some reallyreally good suggestions for keeping my lazy ass slobface tendencies at bay.