A Girl...

Leah Dips Her Foot in the Trying to Change the World Pool

I would be lying if I said I didn't come back from the conference all empowered by my womanhood and ready to change the world, etc. Well, maybe not change the world, but at least wear pretty shoes more than three times a year and consider saying or doing something once in a while that ripples beyond my very small, very immediate, very safe circle of influence.

This kind of rah-rah/Ya-Ya/Oprah attitude has come as a bit of a surprise to me because I am (1) anti-risk, (2) anti-change, (3) anti-social, and (4) historically not a huge fan of the ladyfolk in general. I have various theories for that final state of being--ranging from "I'm not comfortable around women" to "I just don't really like women"--but in retrospect I've realized that over the weekend I was so secure with how I fit into that big group of similarly girly geeks (or geeky girls?) that I didn't think once about the Chick Factor and let it black-cloud my good time.

But where there is opportunity for bonding and group identification and shiny, happy togetherness under the sparkly rainbow of friendship and love, there is also opportunity for petty jealousies and inadvertent (or not) exclusions. One of my new friends, Mom-101, wrote brilliantly yesterday about some of the tensions that arose over the whole "mommyblogger" culture, and I find that instead of the issue just being an interesting diversion or a bit of dramatic gossip, I--still riding my She-Woman high--actually feel like I've something of a message to spread about it.

Several times this month, I've attempted to temper my babyfever with some calm, rational dissertations on the benefits of being a childless woman at this point in my life. It's come in the form of the list, and it's come in the form of half-convincing arguments that reading mommyblogs and sites like ClubMom and AlphaMom are teaching me and enlightening me and not at all making me crazier and wistfuller and ever more insanely covetous of a squishy-headed infant to call my own, no siree. Can't you just feel the zen waves radiating from your computer screen?

Yeeeeaaaah...

So when I opened up my BlogHer schwag bag and noticed that a good percentage of the promotional stuff was directed at MOMS! with BABIES! I felt a little bit like here was just another person telling me, "Wait. We'll care about you later"; "Wait. Come back in a few years and then we'll talk"; "Wait. Be a lamb and just sit quietly in the corner while we focus all our attention and resources and opportunities on these women over here." Wait, wait, wait.

If I were the type who thrived on angst and drama, this situation would keep me going for a good long while, but since I prefer to be happy and content, my internal spin doctor quite quickly and naturally turned the apparent rejection on its head, making a firm case that there is nothing wrong with me or my life, nor is there anything wrong with certain organizations targeting a big, obvious, spendy demographic. But I also thought that maybe there's something not terribly smart about the way some of those organizations are handling their relationship to the larger female population. Specifically, they might not be making the best business decisions when it comes to growing a supportive audience among women who plan to become mothers one day.

Whether it's freelance blogging through parenting websites or invites to exclusive advertising networks or parties or meet-ups, I know for a fact that some future moms are getting a bad taste in their mouths as they repeatedly and emphatically get the message that they're not an important part of the parenting community. And even if they have found that mature and unreactionary space in which they realize, like I do, that parenting sites are storehouses of valuable information and resources that might come in handy one day, I don't think the people who run these sites always recognize that we, the Future Mothers (and Fathers) of America, make up a significant percentage of their audience. While some childless women are okay with their on-the-outside-looking-in voiceless voyeurism, others feel the sting of unfair dismissal to constantly hear that our opinions aren't relevant. No one would say that to an infertile woman trying to conceive, would they? So why say it to women who plan to have children but aren't at this point actively trying, just not quite yet? If businesses don't start considering this demographic a part of their regular audience and acknowledge them from time to time, who will be left to read their sites/buy their products/write their blogs in five years time?

Through a series of happy coincidences, I've found myself in position to share some of these thoughts with people who can make a difference, and I'm pleased to say that the ideas have been well received. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if there's more I could do in this vein. Is there more I should be saying, more people I should be saying it to? Wherever you're coming from, if you have an opinion on what's wrong (or right) with the system and what's to be done about it, please leave a comment here or shoot me an email. I'm not sure where this is going, if anywhere, but I suspect I'm not the only one who thinks there's a better way.

And if you're out there going, "Since when is Leah an activist? Did she drop her don't-know-don't-care attitude in the pool at the San Jose Ghetto Hyatt?" let's just chalk this up to proximity to inspiring women who are actually doing something. Who knew that purpose was infectious?