A Girl...

Star-Spangled

If it had happened the way I thought it would, I would live-post from BlogHer a bunch of blurry, shot-from-the-hip photos of choice online celebrities who I was able to get within thirty feet of. But things aren’t working out quite the way I planned.

First, I’ve seated myself at a table without an Ethernet port, and I can’t connect to the wireless network because the hotel didn’t plan on it being this type of conference, and now the server has been officially “brought to its knees.” Awesome.

Second, the kinds of pictures I’m taking are these:

In a move brought to you by our sponsor, Helen Jane’s Secret Under-the-Table Bottle of Champagne, I reached out and grabbed Amy as she was breezing by all stylish and blonde and said, “Amy! I just have to say hi. I’m a fan.” And then she asked me what my url was and I told her, and then she said she’d been there (!) and thought my banner was cute and I said SHUT UP, and then she sat down and showed me a naked picture of Noah on her camera phone and then told me that although she wouldn’t pop my Sephora cherry, she could recommend Clean & Clear's DISCONTINUED Under Eye Brightening Stick for taking care of those under-eye circles that result from my translucent skin. And then she said she’d French kiss me if I let her use my camera charger later. And then I died.

And Dooce? She is striking. And serious. And TALL. And she gave me a slice of pepperoni and mushroom pizza while we were hanging out in Maggie’s room listening to her (Maggie) telling stories about her Lynchian moment with the tiny man of the pea-sized head and long monkey arms rocking out onstage to a crowd made up of adults with Down’s. Maggie is a great storyteller, and I heard a handful.

So I talked to Mrs. Kennedy and Lori about what it’s like when your family reads your blog, and I talked to Mom-101 and HerBadMother about fertility and babies. And I shook hands with AlphaMom founder and CEO Isabel Kallman while I was sitting on a hotel room floor with Melissa. And I told Heather Powazek Champ that Simon says it’s okay if I have a little wine and get to feeling a little amorous and get to wanting to touch someone’s boobs. And I couldn’t have been happier to see at the welcoming reception--after a long day at work, a stressful BART mixup, a tense drive, and trouble finding Helen Jane so I could get into my hotel room—the SweetJuniper clan standing by the pool eating orange slices and looking just as fresh and lovely as could be. And what’s better than waking up in a bed with a girl with a great rack, then taking a long shower, and then hearing Ariel talk about her favorite blog “trainwrecks” and reenact the dance that goes with one of them?

My overall impression of everyone so far: they all look and act so YOUNG. And they all have such beautifully shaped eyebrows.

Everyone is Flickring. Check it out; you might see someone you know!

p.s. Oh, and Jennster grabbed my ass. Are you happy, Simon?