• Nice Things Now

Contact

leah at agirlandaboy dot com

Et Cetera

About Leah (It's not my real name!)

Twitter!

I Also Write Here

  • Syle Lush
BlogHer Book Club Reviewer
March 30, 2006

Simon Says - "Goodbye, Old Friend"

Today is a sad day for me - a sad day indeed. Today I lost an old friend.

Today, my Funshine Bear mug broke. I bought Funshine Bear for $0.98 at the Goodwill Store at the corner of Geary and Filmore in San Francisco. The day I bought him, I drank a cup of tea from him, and I was in love.

I want to clarify that I hate care bears. I loathe them. I hate that they were invented for greeting cards, and became an industry. I hate that they were marketed so aggressively to children. I hate that they ended up on keychains, baby bibs, cereal boxes, custom wheel rims, headbands, playing cards...

I bought FB because I thought it would be funny... ironic, even, if you choose to use the word that way. Like the most odious of racists, I hate care bears, but I like that one... that one is OK.

I have had other good mugs... the one with my name in different languages, the one with the Van Gogh paintings, the one that said "World's Best Husband," the one from Sea World with "Jesus" printed on the rim, the "Pete's Eats Cafe, Llanberis Wales" mug... But Funshine was always the special one. The favorite. No problem choosing my favorite child here. Sophie's Choice it was not; I loved FB over all others.

Please take a moment to close your eyes create a musical montage of all the good times FB and I have had together. Acceptable songs include: All By Myself, Happy Together, or Something Tells Me I'm Into Something Good. These are the images you should conjure:

- Me and FB at a movie, heads leaning in together
- Me and FB at the beach, running through the waves as they wash across the sand
- Me and FB playing ping pong (me smacking one across the table past him, and then pumping my fist in slow motion)
- Me and FB cuddling while we sit on the couch and read
- Me and FB sitting at a candle-lit table with a checkered tablecloth, the candle in an old chianti bottle, and our napkins used and plopped on the table. We are holding hands
- Me and FB in bed, enjoying a post-coital glow (this image is best through a misty glazed lens)

This morning, I poured boiling hot water over a tea bag in FB, and he broke. He had always had cracks in his glazing, but today, he cracked right through; the crack ran all the way around the base, and up to the edge. Not yet darkly brewed tea poured through his wound, falling like tears to the kitchen floor.

And like that, he was gone.

Leah has suggested that I might retire FB to be used as a pencil holder. I can't even consider that. It makes me think of old naval captains, relegated to nursing homes where they make tambourines out of paper plates and dried lentils. It makes me think of Michael Jordan, retired from basketball, and trying to make it in baseball. There is no dignity in any of these, and I won't do it. I won't relegate FB to status of pencil holder, helping him to pretend that he is still useful. He knows the score, and he will keep his pride.

I think I will take him out to the desert, give him a blindfold, a cigarette, and a gentle kiss, and I will shoot him. He will be gone, but never forgotten.

Goodbye, old friend. I miss you already.

02 Funshine mug.JPG

17 Comments

Holy crap, I'm tearing up over here.

Ummmm, it's a mug.

But it's a mug with FEELINGS! (Don't you dare throw it away.)

Thrown away, no. More like burning a flag, or putting an old Eskimo on an ice floe. Done with respect and love, rather than the slow decline to irrelevance.

I'm not sure how to do it... Does anyone have any suggestions?

You could cremate it. Kind of an ashes to ashes, dust to dust sort of deal. I got nothin'. :)

We could smash it and make a mosaic out of the pieces and then hang it in a corner of the kitchen and light candles and give offerings to its spirit?

Come on, people! I was talking more along the lines of dropping him into the ocean from a hot air balloon, or shooting him out of a cannon, a-la Hunter Thompson.

Let's get on the ball, folks.

Keep in mind you're talking to the girl who has a box full of pencil nubs from first grade because she can't bear to throw them out.

You asked for suggestions.
Suggestions were brought forth.
Please, don't judge, Simon.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's been a tough day, what with losing Funshine Bear and all...

I'll be better tomorrow.

Maybe you can have the mug thrown out as the first pitch at a home-opener.

I hate that they ended up on keychains, baby bibs, cereal boxes, custom wheel rims, headbands, playing cards...

I bought FB because I thought it would be funny... ironic, even, if you choose to use the word that way.

The term you're looking for is Hipster Irony. (Note: this is a humor site and not to be taken seriously)

Oh my god. Is that a little sun *inside* Funshine Bear's head?

No wonder you're so sad. He was perfect.

It's hard to know the right words to say when disaster strikes unexpectedly.

But I know you'll get through this and I know that Funshine Bear will be in Cult Toy Heaven with my Glo-Worm.

God, he was beautiful.

"Keep in mind you're talking to the girl who has a box full of pencil nubs from first grade because she can't bear to throw them out."

Oh my god, YOU TOO??

I have to agree with Simon in that you cannot recycle Funshine Bear to hold your pencils, or worse yet, pencil nubs (which just make me sad).

You should send him to me c/o the M.U.G. Retirement Home. He can share a room with the Campbell Soup Kids mug, which also suffers from leakage in its old age and hasn't held soup in years. I have an opening, due to the unfortunate passing of Marvin the Martian. He'd have a window, lots of sun for the Funshine Bear.

Previous Next

Advertising

Snapping

www.flickr.com

Search

Creative Commons License
This blog is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
Powered by Movable Type 4.3-en h2_2.gif