Relleno, Con Carne, Cold
I don't really know what to say today. I find myself checking my own blog every half hour in hopes that something interesting will have magically appeared. I am understandably disappointed.
Partly, I'm too busy at work to "compose" anything (because unlike some of you, I can't just sit down and "write" and have wonderful things spill out onto the page like so many coins from a purse). Also, I'm feeling a little distracted, and for this I blame Chile. There's no real concrete news yet about whether or not we'll be moving to Santiago for Simon's work, but the recent surge in my preoccupation with the topic comes on the heels of being told that his boss is meeting with the president of the free world at the end of the month and we should be prepared to pack up and go in January. Lordy.
Ensuing midnight discussions under the warm surge of the electric blanket have brought some interesting things to light--namely, Simon is of the "get to go to Chile" camp and I am of the "have to go to Chile" camp. Also, I am paranoid and timid and lacking in adventuresome fibre.
But it's not even that I don't want to go. I'm just consumed with everything that could go wrong. What if he works all the time and I never see him? What if I can't find a group of friends I like? What if I get homesick? What if the food makes me retch? What if I can't take my cat? What if the smog gives me a respiratory condition? What if I'm kidnapped by guerilla warriors? Plan for the worst, right?
Meanwhile, he's all ooh and aah, and I'm all, "See that dead dog in the foreground? What if he has bird flu or mad cow disease?"
In the midst of our not talking about it too much lest we get overly scared/excited about something that might not even happen, it's been interesting to note how it's sharpening the different parts of our personalities, e.g., he's a people person, I'm a shut-in, he's energized by the unknown, I'm terrified, he's counting on this making us fabulously rich, I'm dubious to say the least.
The good news is that we're talking about potential problems and laying a solid foundation of understanding beneath an experience that could just as easily put us under great emotional strain as bind us even closer together. In truth, the only thing I'm really worried about is getting down there and having him sucked into seventy-hour work weeks while I sit home and twiddle my thumbs and watch Telemundo. Which I can do perfectly well here, thank you very much. The being scared of everything and everywhere and everyone? I can get over that. The feigning happiness when I never get to see my beau? No can do.
Taking a step back, I'm just glad that Simon and I are able to talk about these things without it being a stress to the relationship. If we disagree, we disagree, and that's that; it never ever means that one person is made to feel wrong or inadequate, or that one person has to yield completely to the other. Say it with me now: compromise. And respect too. And communication without fear of negative fallout. (The elements to a successful relationship are simple, but many.)
Today a coworker of mine was telling me about a friend of hers who's getting married in a couple of weeks. Apparently, the bride and groom were both heaving a huge sigh of relief to have recently discovered that neither one of them wants children. He was afraid she'd want them, and she was afraid he'd want them, and MY GOD, PEOPLE, don't you talk about this stuff before you decide to get hitched?! What is that about?!
"Honesty" has long been a buzzword when it comes to dissecting romantic partnerships, but I really think that's only part of the equation. The other parts are (a) Mature and Caring Acceptance of Honesty and (b) Creating an Atmosphere in Which Both Parties Feel Comfortable Being Honest. I think a lot of the time people keep their feelings inside because they're afraid of how they'll be received--that if they share honest feelings with their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, they'll be berated/ridiculed/contradicted/dismissed or worse, dumped. "If I tell him I want kids, maybe he won't marry me" or "If I tell him I need him to come home before 10 p.m. every night, maybe he won't marry me." I don't know about you, but I'd rather be single and looking for a baby-daddy that comes home for dinner than married and lonely and resentful of my chosen life partner. Easier said than done, I know, but sheesh, this is your life we're talking about.
If I find out that I'll be spending several years in Chile? I'll be excited and scared. If I find out that it's not going to happen? I'll be disappointed. If anything, having this uncertain future hanging over my head has forced me to assess what is really important: when Simon asks, "Would you move to Chile?" my answer is always, "If you're going, I'm there."
Your relationship with Simon sounds so rounded and positive and respectful. Chile would scare the poop out of me too, but think of all the awesome things he's introduced you to that you thought you hated (i.e. jogging) but have ended up challenging you and taking you to a better place. You've got the most important part figured out: you know you want to be together at all costs. Everything else will work out. You are in good hands, I believe!
You've got the makings of having a wonderfully long life together.
I should know. I found my Simon 16 years ago and I haven't looked back once.
Nice blogpost! I was much more adventurous when I was much less encumbered. I adore my kids, but going to Chile now is something that would have me screaming. Before the babies, it would have been a little scary, but I'd have totally been there.
I think it's great that you are in such a healthy place in your relationship, too. Like you noted, so many people don't have a clue!
Good news - meeting with the president was confirmed this afternoon. Holy shit. I cannot claim to be a fan on pretty much any level, but still. Holy shit. Yes, holy shit. I guess that means that background checks will start soon. Boss and I are both hard-core liberals, but still, holy shit.
Alas, I will not be attending the meeting. But still... holy shit, my boss is going to a meeting with the president. THE PRESIDENT. Holy shit.
Pretty darn cool. The whole thing. The Chile thing, the relationship thing, very cool.
being an old, old man, i'm not hip to the lingo today's young whippersnappers are throwing around so i have to ask - what's a "baby-daddy"?. . .
Simon..
I don't know how to say this, but umm... yeah.. Leah told me to tell you that she is very upset with you, and that the only way she would ever forgive you is if you took me to Santiago with you. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. :(
P.S. I swear this is true and you don't need to check with her to make sure.. When are we leaving?
As someone who has moved around a lot, and in the course of those moves has had to make some scary decisions about who and what is important to me, the one thing that always seems to stand out is this thought: I can always go back to where I've been, the people who matter will always be there for me (and I for them), and I'll probably regret missing out on a new experience.
As for your concerns about never seeing Simon, he knows how you feel and I'm sure he'll try to do whatever he can to keep those concerns from surfacing. You two seem to have a really solid relationship, so no worries there.
Finally, you can totally get a pet llama like that kid in Napolean Dynamite! How cool would that be?
Chile is an awesome country! I just wanted to put my shout-out for the place. I visited (Santiago) many years ago and plan to go back. I am fortunate to have a close friend who lives in the U.S. and Chile (she was born there). Plus -- woman president, right?! I also discovered a good blog - www.chileconlisa.com - you may want to check it out. I think I would be freaked out too, but really, what an amazing experience.
When the boy and I first started dating, although I really loved that he loves to travel, I assume it meant having to deal with him being gone periodically. It's so nice to know now that wherever one of us goes, the other will follow.
And cheers to great communication! Now that I'm with someone that it's possible to have that with, I can't imagine going without it again.