A Girl...

The Dish

Men. They sign up to bring a veggie dish to a potluck lunch and then forget about it until 7 p.m. the night before. They have no idea what to make, no recipe, no plan, no veggies even. Yet, they insist on going to the gym that evening even though that means it will be 9 p.m. before they can get to the grocery store.

Men. They decide they will make a casserole. They decide that recipes are for wussies. They drive to the grocery store and proceed to collect fixins willy-nilly.

Men. They get home from the store at 11 p.m. and decide, yes, it's too late to start the casserole tonight. They will take a shower, go to bed, and make the casserole in the morning. It will be ready in time for the noon potluck, yessiree.

Men. They wake up at 9:30 a.m. and proceed to "invent" a casserole, hopefully suited for human consumption. They learn the verb "to blanch." They play drums while the casserole bakes.

Men. They top the finished dish with a sprinkle of paprika, wrap it in kitchen towels, and secure the bundle with bungee cords. That's right, bungee cords.

Men. They arrive at the potluck at 11:30, even though they left the house at...11:30? Wait--how did that happen?

Men. They unveil their dish and, behold!, it is beautiful and delicious. Women everywhere shake their heads in disbelief.

And now, Simon's Friday Morning Casserole:

--2 boxes Stovetop Stuffing (turkey)
--1/2 medium-sized package of "Mexican fiesta" cheese
--indeterminate amounts of yellow squash, zucchini, cauliflower, and broccoli cut into bite-sized pieces
--indeterminate amount of Trader Joe's tomato-basil soup
--onion powder
--garlic powder
--paprika
--salt
--pepper
--NO potato chips

1. Cook up both batches of stuffing according to the directions on the box. Layer cooked stuffing about 1/2 inch thick on the bottom of a 9ish by 11ish casserole dish. Give girlfriend leftover stuffing for breakfast, thereby ensuring she will keep you forever.

1a. For a crispy crust, put stuffing-lined dish on the top rack of an oven heated to, oh, let's say 400 for, oh, a while.

2. Blanch vegetables for 2-4 minutes or until soft but still firm. Drain and layer vegetables in the dish on top of the stuffing. Add onion powder, garlic powder, salt, and pepper to taste.

3. Drizzle a small amount of tomato soup over the vegetables. Use enough to coat the vegetables and make them look pretty but not enough to soak into the crust and make it soggy.

4. Cover casserole with a generous amount of cheese, all the while talking to the vegetables as if tucking them in for bed. Declare, "Everything tastes okay with enough cheese on it!"

5. Bake casserole on the middle rack of a 385 oven long enough to sufficiently rock out on the drums.

6. Remove casserole and sprinkle with paprika.

7. DO NOT top with crumbled potato chips.

8. Serve warm or, if transporting casserole to an event, wrap finished dish in kitchen towels and secure the bundle with bungee cords. That's right, bungee cords.

Next up: Crockpot extravaganza! He wants to cook beef heart. Oh dear.

Posted by Leah at November 11, 2005 04:20 PM