A Girl...

Simon Says - "Sick in the Head"

I am surprised that between the time I dropped her off at her apartment and the time I got to work she has not posted the news:

She is sick. And man, when she is sick, she whines. Gosh, she's like a guy when she's sick. Whine, whimper, sniffle, snuffle, etc. Not that I can blame her. I am like that too when I get sick. You see, this is our first adventure as a couple into illness, and she's doing better than I will do, I'll give her that.

But it's funny, usually when you start dating someone, you don't really think about how you're going to handle the ugly stuff, like when she's sick, or when she's had too much to drink and you have to help her from the bathroom floor to the bedroom, or when her grandmother dies and you have to be there to support her, or when she loses her job, or any of the other things that happen in life. In REAL life.

Leah and I have actually had a lot of these discussions. We started this whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing in a weird situation; we were both exiting long term relationships that were somewhere between not-quite-right and downright-wrong. We were aware from day one that, at least statistically, we had no chance of making it. So we entered into this thing with a different mindset than we otherwise would have.

We knew that there would be hard times, we knew that we would have disagreements, we knew that we would both have to make major adjustments to our lives. As recent refugees from not-quite-right to dwonright-wrong love, we both had a chance to learn from our mistakes, and separate the rhetoric from the reality. We have now both looked some ugly situations in the face, and we know how the phrase "there will be hard times" aligns so poorly with what it's like when there really are hard times. And we have talked in great detail about all of the icky stuff that will come up. We knew that just the very fact of our being together was going to cause issues with friends, families, exes, etc.

But by that same token, we were very clear about who we are, and what we need out of a relationship, and what we need from each other. We have spent more time than you are likely to believe discussing the underlying framework upon which a successful bf/gf sort of deal can thrive, at least for us. And I think that we agree on the important stuff. Sure, there are the basics, like respect, love, honesty, and all that other BS that sounds great when you're reading a self-help book, or watching a TV wedding. But I'm talking about the stuff that gets lost in the day-to-day shuffle of life. The little things that are the products of respect, love, honesty. The things that break through these intangible concepts and make them real.

I've been there before, an I've let the important stuff get lost in the day to day shuffle. More to the point, I've seen it slip through my fingers as I try desperately to hold onto it. The reason that it slipped away is because it was never defined, never discussed, never understood, never made clear, never articulated. I never MADE it important, not like I should have. I do not plan on ever making that mistake again, especially with this sweet, sniffling, sore throat girl who is currently drinking herbal tea, snuggling with her cat, and watching some moronic daytime drivel like Dr. Phil or Oprah.

She is sick, and she is whiny, and it's a good start. I hope she clears up for the big weekend. Nothing's worse than driving into high altitudes with a head cold. Ugh.