Aitch Too Oh No
After the fever and chills of Sunday went away, all that remained was a puffy throat and a wee little slip of a cough. No big deal; I thought I was through the worst of it. Since Monday, however, the wee baby cough has developed horns and claws and a nasty attitude, and now I'm dealing with an unquenchably dry throat and a perpetual tickle just behind my uvula that can't be coughed or "ahem"ed or backscratcher-down-my-throated away. Luckily I'm not phlegmy or anything, so I don't have that exhilarating regurgitating-shards-of-glass sensation, but the dry heaves aren't a picnic either, so I have plenty to grump about.
For a few years in the late nineties and early aughts, every fall I would develop this same bronchial condition (which I don't think is bronchial at all, but that's what the doc said), and the only thing that keeps the hacking/honking/barking quiet is drinking water. Constantly. As in I have to hold a straw in my mouth at all times and keep a constant trickle of moisture dripping like IV fluid into my irritated esophagus. In the last three hours I've imbibed about 100 ounces (3 liters!) of water, and I'm visiting the ladies' bihourly. I'm all jiggly with H20 (not to mention wobbly and floaty with DayQuil), and I hope I don't drown. (It can happen, you know.) So much for saving some for the fishes.
Oh, and the other charming thing about my ailment is that in the instance that I stop drinking water for a fraction of a second and commence the melodious horking for a good (no, bad!) five minutes, there is only one thing that I can do to stop it long enough that I can sneak in a breath and a swallow of liquid salvation: burp. Like a lady, of course. La dee dah.
Teh heh...emergency burping!
I didn't read "perpetual tickle just behind my uvula" very closely at first. I had to look again to make sure I wasn't seeing "perpetual tickle just behind my vulva."
This is a family blog!
usually that tickle behind the vulva is me.
Will, you are rude, crude, and thouroughly disgusting. This my be why I am so inexplicably attracted to you. Hubba hubba.
Yow, there's only enough will for one of you girls.
That's not what I heard.
Okay so that annoying little cough that won't go EVER go way...yeah I got that too. Started with the fever and sore throat thing last Thursday, and still this Thursday I can't stop with the coughing. I use the IV drip of water or hot tea with a little bit of honey is great too. It won't go way...*Cough Cough Cough*
You know, this could spiral downward into extremely distateful discourse with a whole bunch of non-family-friendly content, so we had best stop now. I won't say anything about the threeway that Leah and I had with Will. It would be totally inappropriate, for instance, to tell the world that little bit of information. I won't talk about the intricacies of the oral sex, or how good Will is with one of us on each end. None of that, really.
Jeannie, you have got class. I knew you were a lady of distinction that time I fucked you in the pet cemetary and you asked me if you could use my jacket to lay down on. I said no but I was impressed that you cared enough to not get mud on your back.
best. family blog. ever.
was that a cemetary? I guess I have a faint recollection of digging up animal corpses and doing puppet shows with them, but I was too smacked out on heroin and crystal meth to really make any concrete menories.
Go to your local crunchy granola store and pick up some "throat coat tea." A company called Traditional Medicinals makes the best, though you'll find other brands. It has marshmallow root in it and all sorts of other stuff that will coat those sore nodules much better than water.
Feel better soon! ;)
Jeannie is a fan of the throat coat too, hasn't helped her cough but she stopped spitting.
Complete random stranger here. Just wanted to share that I had the nasty cough for years, until I was properly diagnosed as having asthma. Just use my inhaler now whenever I feel the tickle and it's much better.
Courtney