A Girl...

I Never Held Emotion in the Palm of My Hand

"I never felt magic crazy as this"--the title of that last post (from a Nick Drake song)--makes me wish I could write something for you tonight that matches its beauty, its simple joy. I haven't been in that kind of writing state lately and it's useless to try to drag something like that out of myself, so instead I will be content to marvel at the genius and heartbreaking loveliness of everyone and everything around me. It is warm here. It is sunny. The days are getting longer, just like they did this time last year when people could be heard saying meaningful things like, "It's going to be a GREAT summer," not daring think past then because one perfect summer should be enough for anyone, or so it seemed. Eve and I sit out on the porch together before the sun sets and look at the trees, willing the magnolias to push out some early blooms. When a bus rumbles by this little black cat cowers against my side, under my arm, and I feel like she is my child. I talked to my parents today and they are still two of the most wonderful people I'll ever know. My brother cut his own hair to catastrophic success and I love him hard for it. People I know are going places and doing things and making successes of themselves, large and small. There are times when I believe I have been granted the serenity to accept that which I cannot change and, as scary and anti-me as that is, it makes it easier to sleep at night and eat in the morning. I am enjoying both the perfect moments of stillness and status quo as well as moments when the wheels get turning, sometimes quite fast, whether backward or forward I don't know yet. I'm glad I'm bringing people I love some peace and smiles, whether it's when they're asleep and dreaming or just wishing they were. Things could be different--I have a list ready for when the Granter of All Deep and Sincere Wishes comes knocking--but this, right here, is okay right now. Not okay forever, but okay today.

I never felt magic crazy as this. It makes me wish I could tell you about the crazy magic in my life, about the person who brightens my northern sky. If I could, I would. I wish I had the music. I wish I had the words.